Do you feel loved by your parents?

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Do you feel loved by either your mother or father?

I think my mom has HFA and I never in all my long life felt one iota of love either from or towards her. My Dad, on the other hand, I knew loved me.

Because I do not love myself, I find it hard to ever feel loved by any other. It is sad really. I grew up with a mother who would swing between rage and love, and who would ignore me or glare at me if I did not do as she wished, or behaved in an odd way, so I guess that is why. My father just asks when I am going to get a job so he no longer has to support me, so, no... mostly I do not feel loved by anyone.

I am pretty sure that both of my parents love me, in their own ways. That love is not the same as the love that I feel - in fact, it's probably 'better' at least in matching to what the rest of society considers love. Me, I don't see it that way, but of course I would define my own love as the better type.

There is a difference I think b/w knowing you are loved and feeling you are loved.

I know my mother loves me, but I don't often feel it.

My father ? Growing up I thought yes, now I think not, although he makes a point of asking me for lunch every month

My mom does, as do my grandparents. I don't have a dad.

my mom maybe not so sure though.... my dad i think not. he promises things but never fulfill a single dot. besides no father will shout at his own child after asking them to change a radio station and calling them "idiot and useless" children?

[quote="BazzaMcKenzie"]There is a difference I think b/w knowing you are loved and feeling you are loved. quote]

There is and I have no idea about either really, don't really think about it and not that bothered. I can remember wondering if my mother loved me because she was quite wrapped up in her own world which I believe was due to depression or over tiredness or something. Don't think she was an Aspie, but my father almost certainly was.

Mom: Sometimes.

Stepdad: He hates me.

I didn't used to believe so, and I used to absolutely hate my father. Moving out (for college) helped a lot. We had some space, so conflicts were less frequent. Over time, my father's also gotten better about letting go over the control he tries to have over my life. He's also worked on the wording he uses. (Yeah, that minor, still drove me into a frenzy at times.) Tries to phrase things in a way to make it clear he's offering suggestions, rather than making orders or demands. He still gets irritated at times when I don't agree with his advice, but I don't think that'll ever change.

It has definitely gotten better, but I already told both of them that if I move back to my home town after I graduate, I'm getting an apartment, even if it is only a couple of blocks from their house. It doesn't have to be that close, and I'd rather it not be, unless it is simply convenient for wherever I manage to get a job.

That is very sad. But I think maybe you're looking at it backwards: the reason you don't love yourself is because you never felt loved by your parents. Your mum, btw, sounds borderline personality disorder. That would be very tough to have a mum with that.

My mom has all the money in the world but would never consider giving me a penny of support. She's okay with me getting handouts from the government. And she calls herself a liberal - but I'm getting sidetracked. That always happens when I start thinking about her.

My parents have both passed in 1998.

I 'ran away' from home ( actually I took a Greyhound Bus) when I was 17 and visited them once when I was 22 for two days, once for a week when I was 42 and then just before my mom died when I was 47.

When I visited them, it was as nothing had changed since I was 17. They never acknowledged that I had matured. Going places I had to sit in the back seat and it was my cousin that shamed them into letting me borrow their car when I was there for a week (to go to as many AA meetings as possible!) I only went for the week so I could finish my 9th step. The moment I had checked the last thing off my list, I took the bus back home!

Nothing had changed, no time going by helped. Of course, I knew nothing of HFA or Asperger's Syndrome and neither did they, so I was just this rotten, rotten kid that wasn't grateful and embarassed them all their lives.

Mom loved me in her way, I suppose, but I was such a dissappointment to her. Dad wasn't too keen on me, as us kids were mom's idea and he just went along with it. My brother was the fair haired child of our family and they made no bones about the fact I should have been a boy.

This was before Dr. Spock, and my parent's didn't read him anyway. Spare the rod and spoil the child, and all. Mom used a butter paddle and dad just used his belt. It was all very ritualistic, the 'spankings' so they didn't concider it abuse. Matter of fact , _I_ never considered it abuse until I went to AA in my thirties and was educated that other people wern't raised like I was.

Merle

Sometimes.

NO.

They only love the person they WANT me to be.


-SpaceCase

Woah - you visited those people on purpose so you could work the steps? That is really incredible. I don't think I could do that. If I got to the ninth step I'd probably quit, not being able to face all those people. You're so brave.

Heh, that is funny as that was my Dx almost 10 years again which is why I am getting another diagnosis as I fit AS and bi polar a lot more than I ever fit bpd, although I have heard they can co exist as one is neurological and the other, although it can be genetic, is more often a result of an erratic or abusive childhood. My mother shows Aspie traits and she used to have very noticable OCD...well, I mean, she would clean the house top to bottom every day and she did not like anything being left on the floor or anywhere, spills got you shouted at... I recall she would go from being quite loving although never what I would call totally warm to angry...she once lost all control and kept slapping me over and over then started apologising etc. That stayed clear in my memory. As has a bathtime when she started screaming at me like a deranged woman. If I did not wear the clothes she wanted me to for dinners out etc, she would ignore me and make comments about me to my father and glare at me for most of the evening with disgust.

If I did well in exams etc, I was given things...if not, I was sent to my room or called gormless or shouted at etc. I mean, I never wanted for material things,and she always took us on days out over the summer, but if I did anything she didnt like, she would talk to my brother and pretend I wasn't there anymore. So if I did develop borderline traits, I suppose it isn't very surprising.

And she has obsessive interests and always has. So I cannot really figure her out...oh, and she used to have no friends and still acts badly if anyone sits at a table near us or moves in a seat next to her in a theatre.

I'm a dad. I am keenly aware that my 12-year old son, who has asperger's, does not feel loved! My wife and I have three children. The other two, when they are upset, tend to walk up to us and yell: " you don't love us!" and we would try to patch things up. My aspie son tends to bottle everything in when he's upset, and years later, he'd blame us for mistreating him.

I am really sorry for having mistreated him at times --no human being is perfect. but I wish he knew that I do love him. I stayed all night with him when he's sick, and I took with him to see the psychiatrists every week by skipping work, and I changed my job so that I no longer had to travel and could be there to pick him up from school every day.

I promise myself that I will do better.