Crippled , never had a life , nothing ever ?

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(This is a severly cut version of a letter thqat this mchine & Capatcha f****d up )
I am , truly , crippled now , when I walk normally w/out a pack , I plod like an old man and often start to lose my balance & have to regain my balance . I never was allowed regaining-my-balance rehab after the big toes were amputated ~ Now I have similar wounds on my stumps/remmnants below that , my only pair of shoes (rEMEMBER THE $160 STOLEN/LOST) ARE DILAPHADATED & FALLING APART & SMELLY .
I guess a fair number of people here feel , like the few have said that to me , that I should be in a board-&-care/group/loonybin " home " , f****d up on Psych meds , told to zone out in front of the TV all day , essentailly all my money gone , having NOTHING , maybe having my ID taken and the authorities told so I can't leave...Once I thought I had a life coming .
now maybe it's cleaning up the remnannts of a life which never happened .
On Facebook I am very "happytalk " , talking about oldies and making funny captions for old romance/" girl " comics .
But , my body's going NOWHE%RE , I have gotten nearly no practical help (Including from people here) ___ If only - I had had a life

...Again , today , I went out minus the backpack ~ but I'm STILL tired & out of breath lots of the time ---and there's the coughing (at t7his computer lab at least they bring me Hall's drops when I cough) , and the ickiness of my feet - Actually , I ended up pouring water on my left foot , to eliminate possible residue/discharge that might be seen as " bleeding " and get me not let into this lab .
I get s**t at the shelter about my wounded , bad , foot too ~ I haven't received any antibiotic treatment for it i0n quite so-me time & I have to walk on it so much every day (That is if I'm going to do anything .- ) .

Who do you get crap from.....residents or staff?

...My as*hole bunkmate (directly above me) & him encouraging other residents , too , but some being told " cover up the feet " by staff . You were saying to me something regarding " Maybe try to get to a hospital again , maybe it'll get yo placed " , and , though literally speaking I don't think I've gotten placements directly from hospital/nursing-places while I've been here -
Anyway , also , it , LITERALLY , feels like I am more balanced and less out of breath and tired when I'm trussed up in my (quite a " good " , metal frame hiking one , which had a cop friendily ask me if I'd had it in the Alps .) backpack , than when I am walking with nothing or with something as " minimal " as a 99c Target reuseable bag (maybe pretty heavy though) , I'm less stumbly walking in backpack all " acoustic Iron Man "-ed up . Really !

...As I detailed in a new thread in Random Discussion , my clothes , what I actually have , not what was lost among the $170 gone , but what I have now , are tending to fall prey to:
(1) Their used condition
(2) That they maybe weren't to good in the first place , especially when I was in a hurry/dispirited state of mind when I got them
(3) My peculiar , outsize size (XXL torso , weird fat-but-short-legs pants)
I had told myself I would go to church this morning , however , in the morning , I felt I needed to make up sleep , and maybe I wasn't feeling very thankful/worshipful , and , as I detailed , the " nice " pants I'd planned to wear there , these jeans , fell prey to my belt being too small , it's a fairly long distance to the church (One in the Mission that I'd been at before) , and I even ride the bus without paying which , mildly , could lead to trouble on the to-the-Mission route (I tend to be utterly cashless by Sun/Mon) ~ I can only keep there pants up by holding them up with a hand .
Let's really embarass myself ~ When I pee ,it tends to spurt from either side of my penis , going in multi-directions ~ This has been true for a long tome ~ (I'm fat " down there " and non-circumsized , so it's hard to " shoot " correctly ) After so long homeless , too , I tend to try and push the pee out fast , so as not to (Often having to " go " where I shouldn't ) do it for too long , which makes it sprinkle - even on me some .

Maybe you are already familiar with this mission but if not, here is the address. It is run by the Society of St. Francis and the brothers there deeply care about the homeless people. They never turn anyone away who needs a meal, and also give clothing and hygiene supplies as they have them available. We have a family member who enjoys choosing things to send to the brothers to give to the homeless. It isn't shoes, i know...but I do know some 2x long sleeve tshirts were sent a week or two ago--not sure if there are any still available or if they are all given out. He sent the 2x and 3x sizes figuring that they would be good for layering. If the first batch is gone, he has also said that he is preparing to send some more in the next day or two.

San Damiano Friary

573 Dolores Street

San Francisco, California 94110

Phone: (415) 861-1372

...Thank you , I'm not sure I've been there , Dolores Street may be a bit far away from my general stomping grounds ~ My Aspie-ness tends to express itself in staying in a very small basic space , plus , with my bad feet and large amount to carry , getting out is hard , as I said , I walk ploddingly/" old " much if not all of the time now made harder by the thought that I might miss my rituals/normal stuff/tings I should to do if I go elsewhere , and , while I'm in the shelter , I have to get back fairly early to get dinne .r

Hi ASS-P,

I think you should at least call the phone number that probly.an.aspie gave you for San Damiano Friary, Phone: (415) 861-1372 ... Maybe when you speak to somebody there, they can help put you at ease. They might be able to help you to a better life.

You were saying you wanted practical help ... The phone number could be just what you're looking for. You have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

...

...I also don't have a phone (cell phone) , there are iterally next to ABSOLUTELY NO pay phones in SF anymore , and I cannot receive calls in response .
I'm not ruling out going there , however , beyond a clothes giveaway ~ and if I showed up at random it might be the wrong day , etc. , aside from what I pointed out above ~ aside from the other problems that I pointed out above .

So the shelter where you normally stay won't help you make a phone call?

...I don't believe there's any phones there , no .
Perhaps this is " super modern " San Francisco/the Northwest in general , everyone being super-Internet/computers/tech-oriented.........



uote="the_phoenix"]So the shelter where you normally stay won't help you make a phone call?[/quote]

[/quote]

Just thought it might be helpful to you. I have never been there but the person we know who has connections there is someone we think very highly of. Those who become part of this order give up all but the barest necessities to live here and serve God and those around them. And it is a lifetime vow. It is not something one does just because it happens to be the "flavor of the month," they are the real deal.

I honestly don't think there would be a "wrong day" to show up unless the brothers all happened to be out. As i said, they don't turn anyone away. It may be good to make a call beforehand though, if you can.

...Partly , I am so full of pains/lack of energy , (And without connections , too .) that getting there might be hard ...

Just thought it might be helpful to you. I have never been there but the person we know who has connections there is someone we think very highly of. Those who become part of this order give up all but the barest necessities to live here and serve God and those around them. And it is a lifetime vow. It is not something one does just because it happens to be the "flavor of the month," they are the real deal.

I honestly don't think there would be a "wrong day" to show up unless the brothers all happened to be out. As i said, they don't turn anyone away. It may be good to make a call beforehand though, if you can.[/quote]

[quote="ASS-P"]...Partly , I am so full of pains/lack of energy , (And without connections , too .) that getting there might be hard ...
[quote="ASS-P"]...

I personally have never been to San Francisco. Not sure what to tell you. As i said, I have the address and phone number and a connection to the friary through my family member who supports the ministry--but don't live there or anywhere close. I am sorry i can't be more help than that, but i don't know the city, the transportation system, etc. and don't have any good solutions for getting you there. I am so sorry. If i think of something or find out anything that might be helpful, i will certainly post it on this thread for you.

San Francisco is a very hilly city--but, for some reason, Market Street is not really hilly.

If I knew the address of the shelter, and combined it with the address you sent, we could give ASS-P directions.

I'm sure he appreciates the fact that you are trying to help.

Sent you a PM.