My first day of school keeps haunting me now...

Post Reply New Topic

Before anyone criticizes about the large amount of time between today and the day I started school, I am well aware that the day I started school was exactly 21 years and 2 months ago. But for some reason it is now haunting me more than ever.

Apparently on my first day of school, I didn't get off to a very good start. I was so frightened of it all, that I done bad things like hit the teacher, and disrupted the class by not sitting still at all. I can't really remember any of this, but my mum says that she and my dad were accused of child abuse because of my behaviour in school, and me and my brother nearly got took away, until my parents could prove that they were not abusing me at all.

I can't believe I caused my mum all that stress, and now it has suddenly hit me for some reason, and I keep feeling so disappointed and angry about myself.

I want to find out more about what I did and what happened, but my mum says she can't remember. I'm sure it's why I got so rejected by the other kids as I got older, because of my behaviour when I started school. It has ruined my childhood, and now it keeps coming back to me.

Why do I have these depressing feelings about it now? I wish I could go back to 1994 and start all over again.

What happened sucked, but you don't get to try again.
I'm sure you already know that thinking about this won't bring you much of anything.
So it'd probably be best to write down your thoughts so you won't think in circles and may possibly be able to have a more rational view of this.

I suppose I could. I just know that if I hadn't have behaved like that, I probably wouldn't have got a diagnosis. It was that behaviour what called attention on to me, because before I started school I wasn't any different to my typically developing peers.
So I could have lived without this diagnosis following me about. Lots of female Aspies seem to go undiagnosed. I was diagnosed at 8, which I feel was too early for a girl on the mild end of the spectrum to be diagnosed with an ASD. Apart from the tantrums, I didn't really display many of the other symptoms at all. The tantrums mostly consisted of whining and crying, not due to sensory overload, but mostly because I wanted the world to revolve around me. Also I was hyperactive.