Probably lost a friend

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I had a massive blow-out with a friend over the last couple of days.
Partly my fault, partly my friend's fault.

The thing is, this emotional meltdown was looming.
There were warning signs.
My friend ignored them, partly from not recognizing them, but also partly from not understanding that my requests were URGENT.
Like, if you don't deal with this problem between us NOW, there's going to be real trouble.

So, I lost it.
I went up one side and down the other and railed on my friend.
It wasn't a real secure friendship to begin with, so it's probably over for good now.

It makes me wish I never tried making a friend in the first place.
I'm going to be constantly misunderstood.
I can't give brand-new people a list of instructions on how to deal with me properly so these problems are avoided or diminished.

At this point, I feel I've lost the privilege of even being listened to so my friend could know what to do next time.
And so I could feel on more "solid ground" in the relationship, diminishing my own anxiety which contributed greatly to this.

I'm sorry you might have lost a friend.

What did you request your friend do?

I'm going to sleep....so I can't answer you right away.

All I could say at this point is that this might not be a lost cause.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope (and I think you should, too) that you haven't lost them forever. Fights happen in every
friendship. What matters the most is what you do afterwards. And the first thing to do is to forgive them and then ask them to forgive you. Try not to blame them for what they did or didn't do, just let them know that you value your friendship and wish to make things right. We can't demand of friends to treat us one way or the other. We can only ask for their understanding and try to do the best ourselves.

The other important thing in a friendships I think is trying to stop counting who is putting more efforts in keeping it. I mean, quite often I feel like I put much more effort in and I don't really get the same treatment back. Like, I make sure I'm always there for my friend when she needs me but I can't count on her to be there for me. But sometimes she is and she does other things. And I had to accept that. Because it is really good to have a friend.

I hope everything works out for you.

Have you spoken with your friend today?

In my experience, rejection and autism go hand and hand. I have had many friends and lost all but a few, life is kinda like a number game in this regard. you have to seek out many friends but realize that only a few are loyal to the end. Friends come and go, life goes on. Accept your lose and try to learn from it.

Losing a friend is not as bad as it looks, simply move on and in time they will be forgotten.