Totally backfired

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Well, I was complaining a for a while about never being invited anywhere, so people in my life have noticed that and I have been invited to a few things and now people are saying to me "see you do have friends and you are included."

That's not why I was upset. I wasn't getting invited anywhere where there were single men and I'm still not. I don't need more girls nights out, I want to be included in something where I can get to know some guys.

I feel like people think I've chosen this life. Like I want to be single. I don't. I can't imagine anyone will ever love me. I feel like no one else thinks that either. Like everyone has given up on me.

"No one will ever love me"
That is what my wife thought before we met. Don't wait to be 'invited' to go somewhere, take charge and do some research about the places in your area that are popular with singles in your age/demographic group. Once you find some possibilities you want to explore and need friendly support, you do the inviting. One such place may well be where you buy your groceries! Think about it, everyone eats. Many men hate to shop for groceries and either get dragged to the store with their SO, or the SO is doing the shopping herself. A man shopping for groceries by himself, especially if his cart is full of convenience meals, has a good possibility of being single.

That's not what I meant either. I was hoping to be invited along in their friend group to get to know this guy I like that they are friends with, without being too obvious that I like him, because I'm not sure if I like him enough to make a move. I wanna suss him out first.

Excuse a man from butting in, but to my knowledge, that is exactly what a 'girls night out' is for: telling each other secrets like who you like, giving each other advice on how to "get the guy", and perhaps find each other a hookup, if they are interested in one.

And indeed, i second what waynet said: don't wait to be invited to where this guy goes to, go by yourself, go to other places.
If your friends don't take you places, take yourself, you might even make some new friends in the process

I don't trust anyone enough to divulge who I like. I was always the geeky girl and I feel like I would just be laughed at (not to my face) but would a normal guy actually like me, how sad that I might think so.

Even with the last guy I liked my sister was like, awh no not him. He's too young for you.

These aren't real friends they're just acquaintances who do all the talking but aren't really interested in anything I think. I go because it's better than being alone. I sit through everyone comparing their nail Polish and wonder when I can go home.

They are all married, so not out looking for anyone. I'm not looking for a hook up either.

A geeky girl ... ?

Have you tried going to a game store? I'm talking about the ones that have tables set up in the back where people can get out their dice, books, and miniatures to engage in epic battles between the forces of Good and Evil.

Most of the people who play these games are guys. If you show genuine interest in the game, someone is likely to show you how it's played. Of course, you'll have to sit real close to each other ...

Ugh nevermind, no one here understands my circumstances either. I was just having a moan.

I'm sorry. I really was trying to help.

Maybe if you ask us what you need, we'll be able to help you.

Why do you think they feel you've chosen this "way of life"?

I think the gamestore idea, and the one regarding girls night outs (*shudder*) are good ideas. I don't really know you enough to try to advise.

From my experience girlfriends can often intentionally bar their friend from seeing someone they know, either out of competition or because they decided that he is not the "right fit" for you. Maybe wasn't the case here, but something to be aware of. I think I've been in these situations quite a few times from the guy's side, so I know how that goes.

Volmelche you're just feeding my paranoia, but I think you've hit the nail on the head
I feel like they think I'm not good enough for him (whoever the him at that time is).

Smudge people say things to me like: "you've got the right idea being single" and "hasn't there been anyone you've liked?" implying that I am too picky and have made a conscious decision to be alone.

I'm arty literature geeky rather than gamer geeky. I'd be better going to a gallery or bookstore to meet guys. I was too lazy to explain the other day.

LOL, no, you wouldn't be a pervert. You would be wanting to meet a friend of a friend and see if you got along well with them because like any normal human being you were looking for love. I'm not talking about going to bars and clubs to find someone to shag. I mean a civilised dinner party or something or a visit to some local attraction.

That's what I do. I was trying to pair up a couple of my friends who didn't know each other well, but who just seemed perfect for each other, so I organised a few parties, not large ones. Anyway, in the end after 3 attempts at this, they still never bothered speaking to each other further than polite hellos. Ok, not a good example, because my matchmaking failed big time, but it seems to me that, in general, people meet each other through friends. So many times I hear people saying that they met at a party or they met through friends. That's what people used to do before internet dating. Maybe I'm just old school.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have the company of the opposite sex. That does not make you a pervert and don't let anyone tell you that it does.

Also there's nothing wrong with wanting to be invited to hang out with a mixed group of friends who already hang out together, it's just that they don't invite me and it would be easier for me to get to know this guy better if they did. I'd be able to suss him out in a non commital way without me making a fool of myself.