My parents outright hate me.

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And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It should not hurt, but it does.

They invited over the people who molested and raped me when I was a child over to their thanksgiving dinner. So, I will not be joining them. They did this knowing damn well exactly what went on, but they honestly want me to put my abusers up on a pedestal and grovel before them and pretend that the rape never happened. They tell me outright that my refusal to do that is "proof that I am weak and that they still have absolute power over me".

I just cannot win with them.

Let us not also forget how my mother often uses my autism diagnosis against me. She will often say the most hateful and degrading things to me (such as "you were not a good enough reporter of the abuse when it was happening, it makes me think that you really wanted it to happen"), and then five minutes later deny ever making those statements, claiming that I have cognitive and intellectual disabilities and that I am incapable of thinking clearly. It is a f*****g game to her.

I need to find my own family. My bloodline is diseased and rotten to its core. I deserve better than this BS.

Why does it hurt? And why should it not hurt?

I think they hate that you won't play their game.

Yes, I agree.

You're brave to stand up to your parents like this, Kagamine. It's not easy to do. And I think you're right about finding a family of your own. Many of us feel a need to do this. 'Family' doesn't have to be your biological family.

It hurts because I feel entitled to a loving family situation, and what I have is exactly the opposite of that. It hurts because I still am holding on to the false hope that one day they might think of me as being a real and legitimate human being instead of a punching bag for their narcissistic tendencies. It should not hurt because I am smart enough to understand exactly what is going on, and I should be strong enough to give their opinions and thoughts the complete and utter lack of attention that they deserve.

People should not amuse themselves at the expense of people. In my experience, having a fast car ready to leave in helps. I'm going ice racing when my project's done. A few tickets are NOTHING compared to the trouble one can save using their own getaway car.

You are only human, and I understand. I was in a situation where intellectually, I knew that a person shouting at me did not mean it personally. However, I was tired and over sensitive, and I took it personally. Even though I knew that at other times I would not have.

I am sorry to hear about your parents attitude and treatment of you. I would feel the same as you, and I personally hurt for you. ;~;

I don't know if this is the case, but those people sound like complete sociopaths... or dangerously close. I think you are making the right choice to stay separate from them for now.

I really hope you do find people to be with who are kind, compassionate, and love you. They are out there.

Take care!

Yeah, I am never going to get any respect from my family. It makes me physically cringe to hear them say that they love me when their actions send out exactly the opposite message.

My mother loved to grope me sexually, randomly, when I was in middle and high school. And she had the nerve to laugh at me when I stood up for myself and told her that I wanted her to stop doing that. She thought it was funny that she made me that uncomfortable with her actions. That is my mother. She is a narcissistic c**t, who married another narcissist who loved to beat me every time the house was not completely spotless. They demand my complete submission to them, and when I stand up for myself, they either laugh at me or they make a massive show about how my self-respect is hurting them.

I am overflowing with frustration. And this whole deal with my rapist aunt and uncle is the final piece of icing on the cake. f**k this cake. f**k it with a barbed machete. I have better things to do with my time than to dwell on things like this that I cannot change, but it is damn near impossible for me not to dwell on these things. I feel so much pain, all of it unresolved. I feel like I need a sense of closure to this BS.

The best closure you can get is probably imaginary. The brain is incredibly stupid when it comes to imagination. And it's probably best to be realistic about it, no happy end, just closure for yourself.

You know, Kagamine, there's this quote by Socrates and I think there's a lot of applicability to your situation: "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new."

You energy is spent more economically by reaching out for others (and the imagination closure thing) than actively (and passively!) trying to ignore what won't bring you any good.

What do you think about that?

I have another suggestion for closure.

You might want to send your parents and the ones who raped you a very honest letter stating how you feel.

Be respectful, but be clear, concise, honest, letting them know how you do not appreciate how they treated you, and how wrong it is.

You can openly state that you no longer want to associate with them, or any number of things you want to make clear with them. This can be your final letter to them. To have something strong in writing can really be effective for helping people move on.

It's like the "Declaration of Independence". After that document was signed, great change took place with this country, and things were never again the same.

It may be time for you to declare your independence from these people and their corrupt ways. Then you can more easily be mentally free from the past.

Those are my thoughts for now. And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to chat with, you are always welcome to PM me.

Honestly, that sounds like a very bad idea.
You can maybe do that stuff with people who have good intentions, but this... no.
No.

KL, you will never "win" with your family; it's time to cut them loose and shake the dust off your feet. They will never turn into the regretful decent people that you hope they will. They will never value nor respect you; everything you have told us points to their unchangeable toxicity. Break those traumatic bonds (maybe read about "traumatic bonding" to more fully understand the nature of your connection to them). If the well is poisoned, please stop drinking there. They will always harm you, one way or another. These families never change (I have never, ever, come across one that did; on the contrary, they often get worse over time, more typically). You don't deserve any more of this; you never deserved any of it. The only policy which can protect you from them is no contact, and build as much support as you can to make this transition in a planned way asap.

Good luck. You owe them nothing - no loyalty, no love, no respect, no guilt, no nothing. Build a new life. It's not easy, but you can do it. Otherwise they will continue to feed off your psychological and emotional energy like vampires. You deserve a better life than that. You may have to look for a live in job if you have no means to rent a place to live, or join the navy or whatever it is that opens the exit door for you. You are in a nest of vipers, and they will continue to bite as long as you are available to them. I know it's not easy. But it can be done. I too had to do this once upon a time, so I have taken that journey to freedom.

I need to cut my losses with my family, but I do not need to be confrontational about it. My mother has made it clear in the past that she is not above calling my boss and bitching to her about how much I am making her hurt (that happened five years ago, when I told her to stop calling me - that was the day after she coerced me into playing an extremely inappropriate and outright incestuous game of Truth or Dare with four generations of family in the room, and she told my boss that I went off my antidepressants and that I was highly unstable, neither of which was true).

I do not owe them anything, but I need to cut my losses in a way that does not drive them to more insane ways of making my life a living hell.

There is a (quite famous) book called "People of the Lie" by M Scott Peck. I thought of this after posting here earlier today. You might find some value in it, perhaps. He is very clear about "those who would rather harm another than face the truth about themselves". It does provide an insight into the minds and souls of these abusers, and how they justify the evil that they do, while scapegoating the innocent. I wish you all the best for the future. Sometimes it takes drastic action to escape such people - changing your name, changing everything, and never looking back. It is virtually a rebirthing of the Self.

Wow, that is tough. Then yeah, my letter suggestion is not a good idea. Seems like it's best to stay away from those people, and move on like everyone else is saying.

It is probably a good idea to not give your contact or personal information to your family again if you switch jobs or houses for instance.

You are a grown man after all, and these people should leave you alone and let you be.

They will not leave him alone on their own. They will do everything in their power to keep him around, get him back, and when he doesn't comply, to screw him over so he will.

I agree with B19, starting a new life is the best idea IMO. Get away from them for good.