Socially Disconnected from Mainstream Society

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When I was at school I’d never participated in an after school club. I did not want to go to an after school club because of the fear that my mom will say no. I’ve never been to such a club until college. Even then the club that I usually visit the most is the Terrapin Anime Society. However for some reason or another, I tend to skip those meetings. Even when I attend the meetings, no one talks to me. And as if I have to come over to a person and talk to THEM. But I don't feel like it. Unless a topic is related to the club like the anime or the otaku culture.

I never had any close friends for YEARS. This is because I never had any mainstream interests (such as mainstream TV shows, music, fashion and such) and I kept things to myself. In some cases things that I hate that everyone liked at the time made me the subject of severe bullying that lasted for YEARS. It’s like some people will not let things go. Despite the fact that I go to the anime society, and made a few friends, they never contact me.

I never had a girlfriend; I had little interest of one since a incident at middle school.

I had little interest in American television. When I was a teen, I was too old for PBS Kids, too dumb for teen nick, and too self-aware for Disney Channel. I had no interest in primetime TV at the time. I had little interest in sitcoms, reality TV s**t, and various crime/murder dramas. Playing video games wasn’t an option because I had bad grades as a result of the constant harassment I had from high school. So I ended up on the internet. For years internet forums and for some extend instant messaging were my primary forms of socialization because I’ve gotten so much negative socialization in middle and high school. I ended up using the TV as background noise, a practice that I still do today.

I've gotten into some American TV shows, but the rest of the programing do not appeal to me. Most of the good stuff are either late at night (I have no DVR.) or on subscription channels (my university only has extended cable so no Nat Geo Channel or HBO) Most of my TV shows come from Britain and Japan via bittorrent.

Even today, I don't play much video games as a result of my father constantly complaining that I play too much video games, even when I don't play them as much.

I had little interest in sport. I used to like football and soccer, and later I grew disinterested after thinking to myself… what the point of men being interested in sport? At one time I was dragged to a baseball game during the summer of 2006, a game where that I actually enjoyed. But when my dormates watch football or basketball I just look away. I still do play a game bowling once in a while…

I do go out, but I don’t go out much because the fear of spending too much money.

I don’t do much clothing shopping. As matter of fact I don’t care about fashion sense at all. I don’t buy much new clothing.

I do have friends, but I never had any close friends. I have a Facebook and a Myspace but my friends never contact me at all. Even ones I meet at school. It’s as if I have to contact them myself.

I never had a car. As an end result I was effectively trapped in a neighborhood were a metrobus runs from Monday-Friday and does not run on weekends. I will be forced to pay the price for it in the form of $6,000 bucks for driving course and for 30 hours of extra driving lessons I have to get from the state.

I’m perpetually unemployable. I quit two work-study jobs because I had to concentrate on school work one month before finals in college. I tried to get another job but one of my stupid cousins decides to walk out and forced to leave UMD for three weeks. I had lost any interest in getting a job at all. I realize even finding a job is a farce, you have to be f*****g aggressive in finding one, calling the employer yourself even if they ask you to not call me. And when do get an interview you realize the your job skills are nothing compared to personality “teamwork”, and how kiss ass and don’t complain. Even if I get a job, if I graduate, it will most likely be a sh***y service job. The only other job experience I had is from working at my dad’s office for a period of time.

Then you have the years of severe bulling and name calling I was forced to endure until I ended up with two suspensions (the idiots at school did not realize that I needed help instead of given out f*****g useless advice. If they really did not care, why did they had the balls to do that. The end result to this day, I became more aggressive when someone is being an as*hole or treats me s**t. Even though I was transferred to a non-public school, the damage has been done.

The end result is because of this I’m socially disconnected from mainstream society. I don’t have any real close friends, my socialization is mostly online, I have little interest in mainstream pop culture,I have no car, I have a pessimistic view of the world , perpetually unemployed, and a recluse. And to be honest, I’ve became so self-aware of how society really works that I refuse to reconnect to it. Even if for some reason I get a job I refuse to socialize under their terms.

And it does not help that I'm African-American and have Asperger's.

Don't tell me to put in the past, the past can find me. Don't tell me to GET over it, because the only way to get over it is to get through it, which I'm still doing. And especially don't tell me to deal with it, if you're not actually tell me to HOW to deal with it.

And to be honest with you, I'm actually happy that I'm disconnected from mainstream society. At the same time everytime I see a group of people walking together, I long for companionship yet at same time, because I'm used to becoming a anti-social recluse that feeling goes away after a while.

Do you feel the same way?

I feel disconnected from mainstream society, as well, but in a good way. I can be myself, because I have nobody to conform to.

I hope that things get better, for you, and I care about you.

I consider myself disconnected from mainstream society. I've never been in groups or "gangs" at school. I was always the only "alien" at school. No one else was like me. I was also bullied for being weird. They would imitate me and laugh for how i was standing next to a wall. It was the normal way for me to stand near a wall. Later i decided to watch how they stand, i mean "chill"(?) near a wall in the school breaks. I imitated them. I learned some poses how they cross their hands or hold hands in pant pockets. For me it is silly. I feel uncomfortable to be like this. I like the way i am - standing near a wall like a statue - witch they think is weird. Even now i cannot make myself to be like others.
I like being what i am. It is quite lonely to be what i am, but i manage. I tend to like it.

You have put it in words:
"I've became so self-aware of how society really works that I refuse to reconnect to it." - Your sentence is true for my being. I have no longer the desire to be somebody. What i want is to be myself. Getting a work and being part of the society would be like violence for my mind. I would not like to be that way. I am not even able to have a work. I would not obey the rules. I am scared of most people. I cannot even function properly in society.

I am happy being what i am. It's my life and i decide. Even if most people see it as some weakness or disease that has to be fixed - no it's not. I'm just different and their way is what seems as a disease to me.

(Not very good at English. I am sorry for mistakes in grammar or such)

Yeah, sign me up for this club. I long ago gave up wanting or trying to reconnect with it. I am however finding ways to connect with sub cultures and individuals. Try looking for something that does interest you instead of focusing on what doesn't.

That about sums up my life only I didn't have a dad.

When I found this site I became aware that I wasn't the only one like this and stopped trying to fit in other than at work. I'll play the game for money.

Keep searching. Not saying you find what you are looking for, but if what you have done is not working try something new.

I like the "too self-aware for Disney" line. You have to be totally in denial to appreciate that kind of entertainment. I think spanish channels copy the disney channel or vice versus. iiieeee..Noooooo!

yup.

I used to think that there must be loads of other people who feel the same way and share the same experiences and the internet proved me right.
Then I thought if only we all got together, we could build a community through our similarities - in real life and not just on the net - and forever dismiss our collective loneliness and misery.

Then I thought a little harder, and the idea makes about as much sense as a bunch of atheist founding a religion to cope with their despairs over death.

Mainstream society is too limiting for me, anyways.

I like being socially disconnected. If I spent lots of time doing things with other human beings, then I would have less time to learn things, and discover and all that stuff.

For me its been a process to socially disconnect from mainstream society, when i was younger I was totally unaware of how society works but gradually over time I have woken up to the fact, I have PDD-Nos and have a mild form of autism but even with a mild form of autism I am aware of the same thing, no matter which group I have joined in the past from a photography group to gay community groups I walk into these groups and no one talks to me and yes I admit I am partially gay, I have an interest in both men and women which would put me as a bisexual, no matter what group I join I feel like the last man out.
When I was in high school I was the very last kid picked in line, I am not going to go on and sound negative but I have to sit here and think about the positives, I have my own apartment, a nice truck that I drive, a great job that I love, overall I have focused on all the positives and also having autism I have found out that video games really help out so much, I am starting up a social networking page of a certain game that I am into, overall society in general right now I have my boundaries but in a certain sense I don't want to totally disconnect from society but rather design a page that would help people going through the same thing, mostly this page will be about the type of video game I am into, I will keep everyone posted.

Sounds like you're doing pretty good.

At least you're not disconnected from the truck stops. They might be greasy spoons---but I like greasy spoons.

I always wanted to be a truck driver--starting when I was 15, and wanting to pick up chicks using CB radios.

I don't have the spatial ability to drive a truck and make those tight city turns.

I don't feel totally disconnected, but I have self-selected to disconnect from much mainstream stuff. You won't find me at the new Star Wars movie. I just do not care for blockbusters. I've never seen Titanic, for instance. I never went to the original Star Wars, and when I saw it one time on an airplane, my reaction was "why does everybody like this?"

But there are many counterculture niches and you, OP, seem not to have found one. And overall your mental health doesn't seem too great. Are you seeing a therapist? If you are not, I think your happiness could be substantially enhanced by being in therapy a while and developing some new skills, interests, and perspectives. One little step at a time, I mean, just as feels do-able.

If you are seeing a therapist, how's that going?

Not sure if OP is still on WP...

yeah thanks - doh.