Her logic makes no sense

Post Reply New Topic

I had a close friend push me away two years ago and I made every sincere effort to show her that I was interested in her. Meanwhile she has another friend who she has known for years that keeps making plans and then bails on her. She kept telling me that she wouldn't associate with her anymore and that they only say hi on facebook. I look at her Facebook page and find out she that had recently had gotten together with the other lady who who doesn't seem to care about her.

I don't understand why I get the boot and the other woman doesn't.

I think the simple answer is that people are shallow. I know that I am. I think deeply, I study history and theology and science, yet I am constantly amazed at how primitive my mind is. People are a slot simpler than we think. Our minds have simple habits, and look for simple things. Your friend is probably triggered by some psychological oddity - maybe the other women is just familiar and she likes familiarity. Maybe the other woman is good at getting people to say yes, or always turns up at the right time. Maybe it's just random chance. That's my opinion anyway.

I know somebody who loses all her friends, even though she is very kind and always makes the effort. Luckily I can see from the outside, so I think I can be a little more objective. In her case it's three things:

1. She does not have many friends to begin with, so if she loses one every five years that's a big deal. The reason for not having friends is out of her control - due to the hours she works, where she lives, and prejudice (like being born a different color, that kind of thing)

2. She had extremely critical parents, so she tends to notice the bad in people. Not very much, but if somebody does something stupid she will think it is deliberate rather than stupid. So sometimes she is the one to break off the relationship. but in my opinion the person was not being deliberately bad, just ignorant.

3. She has been hurt so much in the past that she finds it hard to make new friends or make the first move as often as a more sociable person would. I also know people who are naturally very beautiful and sociable, and they are ALWAYS making new friends. It's easy if you're beautiful and a great talker. These people lose friends all the time, but it doesn't matter because they always make new friends. But for my friend she has self esteem issues for most of her life, and it becomes a vicious circle.

Everyone is different. but you asked why people choose friend A instead of friend B, and that's just want came to mind. I don't know you of course, and there could be a hundred different reasons. Maybe your friends are secretly planning mass murders: one day you will walk in on them just as they are cutting up a body, and you will say "so THAT is why you always ends up back together!" Who knows?

Life is just random.

Her logic makes no sense because she is not being logical. Instead, she seems to be relying on her own beliefs and feelings (a.k.a., "Intuition"). I wouldn't try to be logical with her, as it seems obvious that she's not attracted to that sort of thing.

Forget about this person. This person is not being truthful, apparently.

I'm somewhat dealing with this now. A friend and I stopped talking for seemingly no good reason. And I'm ignored whenever I try to talk to said person. And you know what? I don't care. I really don't. It could be something shallow, like I'm just not that appealing of a person, or I'm just being judged for something ridiculous, or someone's just a better friend. Fact is, true friends are going to stick by your side, fake friends aren't. There's no logic to it, there's no reason, people are just shallow, we judge each other for stupid reasons and base a lot of our encounters solely off our self-esteem instead of what this person can add to your life.

If there's ever one thing that's universally true about humans, it's that they're never honest when they remove someone from their life. I've learned to just quickly leave the pieces on the floor and move on, it's not worth my energy to try to convince someone to stay in my life if they don't want to.

It's not worth the bother of trying to figure out other people's behaviour. Best just to accept it and move on.