I've had enough

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Note: Before offering me advice, I am in the UK. The situation here might be different to where you live.

Today I saw a man who's made me feel hopeless. He's my occupational therapist in the mental health team I've been referred to here. I am so sick of life but this man has made me feel ten times worse. And it's always been the same whenever I've seen people involved in mental health care. They talk down to me, go on and on about the wonders of medication ignoring when I say it makes me feel like completely destroyed.

The government has taken away half my benefits because everyone is being assessed at the moment who gets DLA (Disability Living Allowance). I know they've taken me off unfairly because they're a mean government and they're doing this to a lot of people. But I am now struggling to do what I need to do. And I'm only seeing this mental health team to try to get paperwork to support my appeal. However I feel my soul is being crushed. I know I need help but not the kind these horrible people are offering.

So I thought to myself, why don't I just look for something to cheer myself up? But there's nothing it seems. No college is anywhere near the small town I live. And I want to work on a farm but I gather most farmers want someone extraverted. I was looking through ads for volunteers and one of them made it very clear introverted people should apply elsewhere. I can't believe people can get away with saying that. There is so much hatred out there. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having no one. I get a headache being around people too much, eye contact hurts me. This is as much a physical thing as a mental one. But people just want to stereotype and put everything in a box. And every day most people out there keep making more friends, finding new career opportunities and I'm still here with nobody, being treated like I don't matter.

Everything is too demanding. Nobody is willing to give me a chance. If I'm interested in doing anything, and I have tried some things, it's always a case of being thrown right into the deep end. I've tried volunteering in a thrift store, in a community soup kitchen and in a park... and every time there's been no cheerful warmth. Just coldness towards me. Obviously I'm not very popular with people. If nobody wants me anywhere, what do I do?

I would bet that there are many farmers who like people who work hard, rather than somebody who is extraverted.

Maybe you're right.

Unfortunately a twist of fate has occurred. My dad who has been treating me like dirt has finally scared me too much. I'm going to have to leave. I now have to decide which of two sisters to ask to stay with. I hate it. I don't like putting myself upon people.

I wish I could find a real home, where I truly belonged.

I can't believe this is where I've ended up. Having to beg for a place to stay with family members who don't even like me. I wrote and published a novel once. I was one of the brightest pupils in my class in school. Life sure isn't what you expect it to be.

Can anyone here offer me somewhere to stay? Please? My sisters can't. I don't want to go to a homeless hostel. I don't know if I could survive in that environment.

What part of the UK are you in? I know a few organizations that house people on the spectrum.

Wales at the moment but I'd happily move to get somewhere to live. I'm desperate for somewhere. I don't feel safe here.

I must say I just arrived to this community and it's the best thing I could've done.

First it's good (although painful) to me to know how the mental health and social care works in different countries. It's also my profession. I must apologize in behalf of my colleges, and that makes me want to increase my efforts to make workers of health and education more aware of the terrible effect their words can have in some people.

And more important, it's so nice to see here how people help each other, makes me have more faith in humans.

I wish you all the best, I can't help you from where I am, but I would encourage you to find a job in a farm, I don't think they really need someone extrovert. There are even some works in farms in which you get accomodation too, I don't know where I read it but it exists, in UK actually (or Ireland?? I'm sure I read it).

Be brave, good luck.