Major major major major major burnout.

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Today I feel horrible. Simply put... I am diagnosed Austistic and have been for many years, I am quite high functioning but struggle with large groups and new situations to a high degree. I spent the last two years travelling on my own in Portugal which was frankly the most liberating experience I've ever felt and in January I came home to start looking for a new job to save some money.

I now have this new job and adore it, I'm now a support worker and the training has started and i'll be working with the lower end of the spectrum and people who struggle much more than I do.

However today I could not handle it, for whatever reason, I have gone months/years without a burnout and today it happened again and I feel so defeated and honestly my self confidence has just fallen completely out the door...I don't know what to do and was even ringing up work saying I couldn't come in... (Thankfully the trainer rang in this so everything was ok)

I woke up this morning two be woken twice by my father getting up for work which already began a frustrated feeling although I couldn't blame anyone for it it's just life, I got up feeling frustrated and anxious already though, I tried to eat breakfast but my stomach and body never deals with it when I'm tired so trying to force food down made me want to throw up which added to the frustration. I heated up some soup and put it in a thermos flask to eat for lunch, I get in the car and try to turn the satnav on, the screen refuses to work, at this point I can feel that familiar feeling in my head that feels like someone lighting a small fire in my brain, which then starts to become a painful sensation which then turns into the most uncomfortable feeling all over my body like I'm on fire and at this point I know i'm going to burn out and such a simple thing has clearly triggered all the anxiety I have built up over the previous weeks, the result was a broken sat nav... at this point it's melted over and I simply can't calm down.

When I know this has happened it honestly feels like I'm made unconcious, it's so so difficult to calm down and make it stop, like energy has errupted from somewhere where it's been built up and it simply won't stop, it feels so overwhelming and frankly traumatising... my parents aren't in either and are the ones who usually help me calm down.

I come into the house to print of a google map instead and again calm myself down, at this point the internet refuses to work and then the mouse (which was already being a problem) stops working and my brain just gives up, the pressure, anxiety about messing up with work, disappointment I've felt from breaking one thing already and the general anger/frustration is too much and I completely lose control.. come back to a lot of broken stuff, I've been screaming/crying my eyes out for a good 30-40 minutes unable to calm down or stop, it literally feels like an explosion of emotions going off in my head and it's too much to handle, at this point I want to die just so it stops, so much information like someone has just electricuted the motherboard in your computer, feels like system overload and after I'm completely exhausted.

I had to ring my mother and get her to come home from work earlier, she isn't coping with this at all anymore. I have gone so long without a burnout/episode like this that we feel/think it's stopped to a degree and again have to face the reality this is part of my life and something I really struggle with..

I am at my wit's end with it, living like this sometimes feel too much.. I've felt proud of myself that I've made it so far, to even have made it to portugal and travelled like I have and come back to even start this job is some of the most liberating experiences I've felt in my life so far, I can't explain how happy it's made me that I've tasted some form of independence but today I just feel destroyed again, like I take a step forward and a million steps back...

I've already rang the doctors up today because I feel I need to talk to someone, emotions are such strong experiences that the majority of the time feel so overwhelming I don't know what to do with them...

I need to feel independent and I feel this is what the majority of people who live with autism feel however when I go through burnouts like this I lose hope a little bit and again feel "disabled" ... this is disempowering...

Please, does anyone have other coping mechanisms? who have experienced burnouts like this.

I have had many burnouts before, many in this week because I am dealing with a lot of exams and it is making me stressed out like hell, so I know how you feel.....

I think either reading a book, listening to music, chilling out or taking a nap is the best advice for you. I might need it as well, because I want school to end and the weekend to start already

I hope this too will pass before long.

Re your quote here:
"However today I could not handle it, for whatever reason, I have gone months/years without a burnout and today it happened again and I feel so defeated and honestly my self confidence has just fallen completely out the door...I don't know what to do and was even ringing up work saying I couldn't come in... (Thankfully the trainer rang in this so everything was ok)".

Are you giving yourself any credit for coping so well for so long so independently? You don't have to live a perfect life as a perfect person; no-one else does or is. Have some compassion for yourself during this spell of overload and the practice of self-kindness will speed your transition through it perhaps; beating yourself up for something that isn't actually a personal fault is an act of self-cruelty really. You have really done well and will do well again in all probability, and though you may have a fear of failure your considerable record of success is a more objective yardstick..

Absolutely.

I have found that many people are not cognizant of their successes; their failures are what are highlighted within their consciousness.

It is not always their fault; it is frequently the fault of the negative attitude of parents, caregivers, etc.