Embarrassing meltdown at work

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I haven't been on here in several months but alas, I need to vent in a place where I'm understood. Here goes...

So the past few weeks have been extremely difficult for me at work. Especially this week. There has been a tremendous amount of stress and I have not been able to cope with it. For the past 5 weeks, I've either had to travel or had company staying with me. My weekends usually consist of me recuperating from mental/social exertion throughout the week. Since I haven't been able to get an adequate amount of recharging, I feel like I've had the life completely sucked out of me. Unfortunately, the repercussions of that are constant meltdowns and total burnout. As I write this, I'm at home in my bed completely exhausted from a meltdown, when I should be at work. Something triggered a meltdown and I locked myself in the office bathroom for 4 hours. I don't even know if I have a job to come back to tomorrow. I'm so embarrassed and feel like no one should have to put up with that kind of thing from an employee. Honestly, I had no idea how long I was in there, I thought it was maybe an hour tops. I tend to lose all sense of reality, time and space when that happens. I know that I have the power to say "no" and that I'm the only person who can make time for myself, but I thought I was fine. "Wow I can't believe it's been so long since I had a meltdown. I've been able to handle things better I guess" crossed my mind shortly before my daily meltdowns started occurring. I guess I need to make sure I get alone time even when I don't think I need it as much.

So yeah I feel undeserving of the great job I have and can't stop beating myself up for this

I'm sorry that happened. Don't beat yourself up, you haven't done anything wrong. Can you talk to your employer about creating a plan to deal with your meltdowns at work? You might also benefit from finding a therapist to talk to.

Yeah. I'm sorry, too. Sounds like a really lousy situation for you.

The only advice I could offer is to try to make the best of the situation.

And don't quit--let them fire you--it's more likely you'll get unemployment benefits if you get fired than if you quit.

This might sound like a stupid question: did anybody know that you locked yourself in the bathroom?

Are there other Aspie-type people who work in your company? Have you disclosed that you have Asperger's/Autism?

If you are an otherwise exemplary employee, and you are essential for the operations of your department, you have a decent shot at keeping the job. They might force you to sign some kind of "improvement plan" or whatever. Or they might force you to see a therapist. This is especially so if it's a large company.

You will benefit by developing an "early warning system" that can get you a reprieve before you get this far gone. It's a long-term strategy you can work on either in therapy or on your own.

Hope you feel better soon.

I hope everything turns out well for you.

You're smarter than the average bear---just remember that!

I'm glad everything is resolved.