Facing the reality of how weird I am

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As some of you know and as I mention in my forum signature I was sort of in denial about autism until earlier this year. I knew that I had autism but I didn't know much about autism and I was in denial that I was that different, thinking that my autism must be very mild and being oblivious to how strange I act. My coming out of denial is an ongoing process and the past few months have really been an eye opening adventure.

The latest thing that I have been facing is how others see me. I don't generally care much about what others think of me and I know that being different isn't a bad thing, but it's still been interesting. I asked a few people (my dad, my brother, and my friend) how weird they perceived me to be and they all said that I was very unusual. For most of my life I've been under the impression that I was fairly normal with a few quirks, but now I'm learning that my weirdness is rather obvious even to the casual observer.

I don't entirely get why, but I am feeling a little bit depressed right now. I guess it's just finally hitting me how different my experience of the world is from that of most other people and how much autism actually affects my life. These are the cards I was dealt though, I could either be positive about it or be sad about it and there is really no point in being hard on myself. I will try to maintain a positive outlook.

Anyway, that's what has been on my mind lately and I just needed to vent a bit. Thanks for reading.

I was feeling that way when I finally joined this forum. Just searching for different topics and seeing just how many people (so many!) seemed to deal with and wonder about the same things that I do really helped me feel less alone with regards to all of this. I hope that being here helps you, too.

Yeah, this would definitely be much harder if I felt more alone in it. It's nice to be part of a community of people with these problems too.

I used to feel depressed a lot when I was younger because I couldn't relate to anyone about pretty much anything. I still have issues connecting with my few friends but I started to realize that being different isn't always a bad thing. Now that I've discovered why I was "different" and informed a few of my friends they seem to be able to accept who I am a little bit easier. I've started to focus and attempt to capitalize on the unique oddities that exist in my personality and abilities. I've gotten to the point where I no longer feel ashamed or upset that I'm different, I'm nearly to the point that I embrace being unique and having the ability to view the world differently than the other 98% of the neurotypical mind out there. Focus on the positives rather than the deficiencies and you will find something that can make you happy.

All the people I asked about how weird I was said immediately afterwards that it isn't a bad thing. My friend actually said that the fact that I acted strange and was always alone was a big part of why he first came up to me and started a conversation because he is very likely on the autism spectrum (probably not autistic enough to be diagnosable though) and like me he gets along well with other oddballs and outcastes. I will try to have more of a "being mainstream is too mainstream" attitude towards this whole thing.

Anyway, thanks for your reply.