I Feel Like a Slave

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I feel like a slave to my parents. I still live with them, because even though I hate them, I still am incapable of living on my own and don't want to burden my other relatives. I also feel like a slave to my vices; they're huge distractions and massive time sinks, but without them, I might not have any will left to live.

I, too, feel like a slave myself, and will continue to feel that way until it is possible to live in our own homes and even have our own houses, without having to pay either rent or taxes to anybody. I would not mind constructing the devices necessary to produce my own electricity, grow my own food, generate my own water-supplies, but only if all of the important land and resources weren't being hoarded by a bunch of greedy criminal financial-elitists...

Shew me the man who is not a slave. One is a slave to lust; another to covetousness--, another to ambition; and all to fear. I can shew you a man of consular dignity, a slave to an old woman; a very rich man a slave to his handmaid; and many a young nobleman, who are the very bond-slaves of players. No slavery is more infamous than that which is voluntary.

https://books.google.com/books?id=rrR81 ... 22&f=false

I guess at the heart of the experience of those "enslaved" moments is that one is blocked to some degree or other of exercising self-determination, because that is what the true slave is unable to exercise. That feeling of being beholden to unsatisfying circumstances is a very heavy one. I hope there is a new chapter ahead for you that emotionally nourishes the inner you and inspires your heart again.

Dude, I have been in EXACTLY your position. I'm not kidding - your parents treat you like a slave, you feel like you can't take care of yourself, everything is making you feel like you're helpless and useless and working to keep you silent and compliant.

I got out of it. You can get out of it, too.

Here's how it works:

1. You need to understand that you have a "martyr" mentality. This is a weird pseudoscience whatsit from Michael Teachings but I swear on my mum it's the honest truth.
A martyr mentality is when you believe that you are completely worthless. You think the only way to make people happy is by subjecting yourself to degrading, slavish tasks which ironically has the adverse effect. They think that you're someone they can walk on and will expect it forever.
You become easy prey for predators and unfortunately bring out predatory traits in people who would not otherwise show any.
You have probably felt compelled to do this from early childhood, so by giving people this idea that you're a slave early on they'll always expect it.
More here: http://www.michaelteachings.com/feature_martyrdom.html

2. YOU. CAN. REVERSE. THIS.
This is an early onset mentality and it does NOT dictate your life. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. Submission is NOT weakness. Hell, these bastards you call relatives couldn't tolerate an ounce of the s**t they put you through, so who is really the strong one here?
Your problem is twofold: a. You have a serious issue enforcing any willpower over anyone, making it easy for people to dominate you, and b. you believe you are a perpetual victim. This sucks but it's a mental thing, don't you dare beat yourself up over it.
What you need is to realize that you are capable of surviving without them. I'm dead serious - despite what you have been led to believe you are completely capable of living independently from them. I'll explain how you can figure this out for yourself.

3. GET OUT FROM THEIR GRASP.
You need to get out of their house. Get a job far away from them that will set you up with housing and a long contract. That way you'll get some work skills, not worry about rent, make important social skills (even if they're just surface skills, they're important), and build up some savings.
DO NOT talk to your "owners". DO NOT give them a since shred of control. THEY WILL manipulate you into being their save again and you'll be vulnerable to that. YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO SAY NO.
I know this is a scary step, but consider the alternatives: A life as a slave or something different where you have control and freedom.

I did this by taking a teaching job in Korea. I flew to the other side of the planet and cut off all contact with anyone who wanted to dominate me. Was it hard? Holy s**t yes. Was it worth it? Yes 100% of the way. I look back on my previous life and shudder. I have a fiancé, a nice apartment, and after almost ten years have been making very tentative correspondence with my father (making sure he understands I'm never returning to the way things used to be).

If you need more help I'm here.

RoJones, I appreciate your advice, but I don't have the mental fortitude to do what you've done. Even if used to be that daring once upon a time, I'm not that brave anymore. Some time ago, I tried to apply for a volunteer position at the local science museum I used to visit when I was a kid; I changed my mind because I had an anxiety attack from being around too many people at once. I just don't think I can handle anything involving too much direct interaction with other people, which is why I currently work as an ONLINE math tutor.
I also tried living with relatives on the other side of the country. I had two breakdowns over the course of one week there, so I moved back home. I didn't want to burden my extended family since they may have had much less experience than my parents with dealing with a basket-case like me. I don't want anyone else to suffer the way my parents have suffered from being around me; my heart would not take it, and I'm extremely close to committing suicide.

So what you're saying is that your options are:
1. Keep being miserable
2. Die.

I refuse to believe this.

You came here for help. You opened up, told your story, and have openly told the world you are going to kill yourself.

Do you have ANY idea how much strength it takes to ask for help? You are a lot stronger than you think you are.

Your problem is that you have serious issues with anxiety and believing that you are worthless, and unfortunately you are surrounded by people who reinforce this horrible mental state you're in.

No one is asking you to take this plunge right now. It's good to build up to it gradually.

Tell me: if you could do anything in the world, what would it be?

Moderator note:

Will members please take care to post within the guidelines and ethos of the Haven (see the first thread, read it before posting if unfamiliar with the guidelines and ethos here).

The Haven is a protected support forum, where people can seek comfort in distress. It is not for debate nor confrontation and argument, and if an OP requests another member to back off, then stop giving unasked-for advice and/or back off. Otherwise the OP can feel unheard, invalidated and alone - often the very experiences that led to their distress in the first place. I know that some people genuinely want to help and offer solutions. This has to occur within a context of sensitivity and support. The Haven is a different place. Harrassment has no place here at all.

Continual breach of the guidelines will be addressed with formal warnings etc.

Soooo addressing a suicidal person's problems directly and with seriousness is against the rules and somehow abusive?

Cool. I'm out.

I would add that the use of "you/you/you/you" can come across as like machine gun style and feel very aggressive and accusing to the person in receipt of it. This may not be intentional on the senders part.

OP, one only has to read posts generally on WP for a very short time to realise that the question of power and agency is HUGE for the ASD community, the pervasive sense and experience of disempowerment. You are so far from alone, though your own personal circumstances are unique to you of course. It is not surprising that this is so, for people who belong to a group which experiences so much marginalisation so frequently in so many ways. People can lose a sense of being able to effect change in their own lives, though hopefully this is temporary, and new strength comes. Yet we must be much more powerful at enduring than we realise, because we go on in spite of these tremendous barriers, this constant assault on our minds and souls.

Disempowerment, its effects and contending with it is a continual theme here, because we face oppression in so many forms and contexts.

You said you tried being somewhere else but had 2 breakdowns within a week. Was that all the first week or second week you were there? Transitions can be very difficult, but that doesn't mean that after a month, 2 months, a year, you would be much better adjusted to what was going on. I've moved 5 times in the past 2 years, the last time I moved I finally shut down. Bed for weeks, hardly eating. Stress builds.

I am very borderline to you, I may move back in with my parents. If it wasn't my parents it was a partner. I don't consider myself a burden though because I will help out when I am feeling well enough too.

Therapy I think has helped me a lot. So has smoking weed; it has helped to show me self-awareness which what therapy is trying to give me. See, self-awareness is the breaking from slavery to yourself. It will give you the ability to see yourself and then make choices, and it will allow yourself to have a positive outlook. Self-awareness is free will. I feel like I have so little, that my brain is in a constant fog such that there is physical sensation of strangeness when I finally grasp at that straw of free will.

One thing's for certain though; if you do not change your actions, do not expect anything to change. Change is usually negative at first, either it's harder, or has lots of emotional negative outcomes, etc, so make note of that. Long-term change can also happen from a slow start- to keep motivated when change happens slowly, congratulate yourself and try to think positively of the small change you did. For me right now, I'm still working on showering and getting out of bed daily.

There's also a question of, are you unhappy? I'm assuming yes to a degree, but that might not be the case. Habits are formed, and I personally find that a lot of habits I can make don't particularly help me or even make me happy, but because they're there I do them anyways. Those are habits you're going to want to break. Self-awareness is good for that too.