Bullies with AS

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Hi:
I have been dealing with a group of people with Asperger's who have formed a clique with all these silly rules, expectations and social standards towards others on the spectrum. If you don't meet them then you aren't allowed to attend their things. They also seem to enjoy picking on other aspies behind their backs who have flaws along with lying behind their backs.

One of them had a birthday party back in March and I noticed that he only invited people who could "Behave themselves" when I went out to dinner but excluded all the rest of my good friends because they did not meet his standards. He told me that I was someone who was preferable to invite so I was "In" until I had an outburst/meltdown during dinner due to the waitress not communicating with me.

They recently started excluding me from their group when they learned that I have outbursts once in a while. I also found out that they get together all the time and do things as a group but never invite me. When I asked why I haven't been contacted I was told that they know I keep the Sabbath and want to respect that.

I found out they were getting together when I saw a posting on someone's facebook post about the good times they have together. I found out yesterday that that the group was going to a Renaissance Festival and one of them planned on inviting one of my friends who gets ignored and excluded otherwise. The guy who invited them said "If you are planning on inviting Summer I would not recommend it."

It hurts my feelings because I thought this group would have risen above that by now and especially with them being involved in advocacy and inclusion.

> "especially with them being involved in advocacy and inclusion"

In my experience, the people who shout loudly about "inclusion" are often the most exclusive; the people who shout loudly about sexism are often the most sexist; and the people who shout loudly about racism are often the most racist.

Yes the two leaders of this little social clique are very loud and yet they accuse others of being too loud and obnoxious.

It sounds kind of like you feel like they're obligated to be friends to you. Is there a rationale behind that, or are you just venting because you're envious that you're an outsider outside of what you see as the outsiders group?

You might try reframing the situation in regards to what asset you bring to the clique. What are the benefits of having you in the group, not for you, but for them. Is there a reason other than being on the spectrum for which you feel these are people you wish to be around?

Either way it sounds like you're on the better end if you're not in it, because then you'd be accomplice to bullying, right?

I'd say forget those people and create your own clique or go to meetup.com and find a different group to associate with that values your skills and assets.

Yes there is a reasonable explanation because myself and a few other people in that group were nominated to sit on a board for an organization that is autism related. We have been meeting to put in ideas and feed back. 75% of the self advocates involved have seemed to bond this "Circle of friends" while you have the leader of the pack and his henchman.