Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

16 May 2016, 1:28 am

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about my love life (or lack of it). I feel like they're fed up of it. I honestly feel more pressure to be a happy single than I do to find a relationship.

It's like women are annoyed at me for being weak enough to want a man. Or they feel like my looking for a man makes them feel broken or like I'm criticising their singleness because it's not what I want.

My coupled up friends don't understand my struggles because they managed to find someone easily and my single friends get angry with me because they feel like I'm being selfish, like complaining about my situation discredits how they feel, as though I can't see that they feel lonely sometimes too. I can, but does that mean I'm not allowed to express how o feel?

Plus the guy I like is confusing me. He seems to like me, but he's really cautious. I don't know whether to be patient or just give up. Sigh.



ZD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 589
Location: Manchester, England

16 May 2016, 2:24 am

I'm in the same boat no one is interested in a man with children they run a mile when they find out. sigh resigned to be single.

why are you weak for wanting to be with someone? everyone desires that. It's human nature at the end of the day. I think your friends are not been nice to you due to there own inadequacies and you should ignore them.

does he have a reason to be hesitant? I mean from his perspective? maybe he's been hurt by a previous relationship and just worried.


_________________
( If I ignore a reply it's not intentional I get distracted, send me a PM to prompt me :) )


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

16 May 2016, 7:56 am

You can talk to us, Hurtloam; does that count?



DataB4
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,744
Location: U.S.

16 May 2016, 8:37 am

I'm sorry you feel so alone with your feelings. Are you friends with this guy right now? Are there maybe ways to increase the time you spend together to see if you like each other more?

I know this is always easier said than done, but what do you suppose might happen if you come out and tell him you like him? It depends on what you want and what feels more comfortable to you.

I know sometimes I get frustrated with myself when a close friend shares their pane with me, and I can't do anything to help them. I wonder if that might be what some of your friends experience. I have a close friend who is also single and very lonely. I have some of these feelings also, but a relationship isn't my focus in the same way. I try hard to find mutual understanding in other ways so that although I don't have that one person right now, I have many people who understand me, and who I understand, in different ways.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

16 May 2016, 12:15 pm

I can't really talk about it here either. I don't want to write anything too specific on the Internet.

Has he been hurt before? Who hasn't? I have, that's why I'm cautious.

I just haven't had an opportunity to tell him, there's never a time when there's not other people around.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

16 May 2016, 12:42 pm

This article kinda sums up the ethos in my friend group. It's the 21St century, women can be self sufficient and happy in their own. Why do you want to give up your freedom? You don't need a man to happy.

Yeah, but I still kinda enjoy being in love and I feel like I'm constantly fighting for acceptance that that's OK.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelspencer/11-things-i-wish-id-known-about-dating-in-my-thir-1gvia?utm_term=.caBN7dnAom#.mmORmBe15r



Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

16 May 2016, 12:54 pm

Maybe post about it in the members forum, or chat about it with a counselor, your friends are important to keep.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

16 May 2016, 1:00 pm

Same here. I don't have any friends anymore,mnothng even internet ones :'(

I'm unloveable and alone with no reason to live.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

16 May 2016, 1:31 pm

Stop it, Sly.....you have many people who like you here.

I wish you would have friends in person, though.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

16 May 2016, 4:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Stop it, Sly.....you have many people who like you here.

I wish you would have friends in person, though.

A fe maybe like me,,but not friends, friends talk a lot privately or do things together.

The only guy who played games with me has vanished :(



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

17 May 2016, 1:19 am

It's not that I don't have any friends it's that I keep getting told things like, "stop looking and you'll find someone" which is stupid when I've met someone and I just want reassurance and advice on how to proceed.

It's like that joke about the guy stuck on a roof in a flood. A rowboat comes by and says, "hop in, we'll save you." he says, "don't worry, God will save me." A speed boat comes over, but he says no to that too. Then a helicopter flues over drops down a rope and someone shouts to him, "climb up!" "no," he says, "God will save me." The helicopter flies away. The guys slips off the roof and drowns.

In heaven he says to God, "I thought you'd save me" God says, "I sent you a rowboat, a speed boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

In short, what's the point in always looking for something else when you've found someone?

But this one friend, whenever I meet someone new keeps saying, "stop looking and you'll find someone."

Um, you have to make an effort, you can't just expect the bloke to be a mind reader, know that you like him and then magically whisk you off your feet. This is real life, not a movie.

I've decided not to talk to her about this sort of thing anymore.