Words that don't help

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I'm sick of people telling me I'm not the only person in the world who is in my situation. Be it bad health or lack of relationship.

That gives me no comfort. Hey guess what, other people don't live like they really want to. That should cheer you up.

Em, no it doesn't.

It makes me feel really sad for all those people struggling along.

And it makes me angry because I feel like it's a defeatist attitude. Like they're saying: "you'll never improve. Just give up like all the others"

Hurtloam: At times, when a person says that so-and-so also has it tough, they are trying to say that you are not alone, and that you are not the only one being dealt bad luck. They are not encouraging you to give up--they are encouraging you not to be so tough on yourself.

It would be more useful, though, if the person saying that you are "not alone" communicates to you steps which this other person is taking in order to alleviate his/her situation.

I am a person who is radically NOT into "give up!"

I also believe that people who are in the same boat should encourage each other, rather than avoid each other.

Oh no, you dont understand. She wants an ex machina or 'God has his own time for things'. I don't believe that. Its an excuse to be a loser and not make any effort. The other people aren't taking steps. They've literally given up.

People who dont make an effort lose out. I don't want to be one of the losers

I agree. You have to make your own progress. You have to take the "bull by the horns" and not give in to supposed "fate."

When I was 19, I could have hung out with these people who slept in an abandoned car after I just got fired from a job. I decided not to, and to look for another job immediately.

I believe failure is inevitable in life. It's part of life, really. How one handles failure is very significant. Don't beat yourself up if you fail. But try to ensure that you will not fail for the same reason again.

I think sometimes its like a 'I've been there and made it put so don't give up' thing

He'll no you should no give up on any dreams! Anything worth having is worth fighting for!

It's code for "shut up. I don't want to hear your problems and feel sad for you"

People who have it all only care about themselves
Knowing we exist would ruin their happiness I guess.

Don't forget the "someone has it worse then you"

Would they go to victims of a terrorist attack and be like but hey some girl in North Korea has it worse so suck it up and shut up. No but telling someone suffering from depression due to various reasons the same is fine.

No its not Sly this is a friend of mine who keeps saying this to me and she has had some bad things happen in her life. It's not someone just fobbing me off.

The comment is sincere, it just makes me angry every time I hear it because it makes me feel powerless, like there's nothing I can do.

^
I think some people (NTs?) genuinely take comfort in the idea that others share their challenges or situation in general.

I never did so I understand how you feel.

I'm definitely not saying Hurtloam should "take comfort" in somebody's suffering.

I'm saying that going through the suffering itself, and overcoming it, could be instructive for somebody who's going through the suffering at present.

If this is in response to my post I don't think people take comfort in somebody else's suffering (well, some do but that's a different subject) but take comfort in the idea that others share their struggles or situation. As in not feeling alone or something, I'm not sure as I don't feel this way.

I think, at times, people feel good that somebody "shares" their suffering.

Like you, I've never felt that way, though.

I think the concept is "be thankful it isn't worse than it is, because for some people it is".

But that's also BS. That whole thing pisses me off to no end too, so I agree.

I think typically it's people who don't have a lot of struggles that say these things. Or even if they do, it's people who lived a life relatively struggle-free and may have a bad stretch if anything. I don't think you'll find too many people who have been struggling most, if not all of their lives, like most people on here, would really say something like that and believe it. Some may. But I'd imagine it's a small minority.

My point is, people say all sorts of useless, half hearted things when they have no idea what you're dealing with and have dealt with every day of your life.

But it's true---most of the time people do have struggles similar to your struggles. And one can learn from somebody who has struggled in the past.

I used to struggle quite a bit. I don't struggle so much these days--but the struggles still exist.

I'm an insomniac - have been one for ages and it gets really bad at times. The thought of all the others out there similarly afflicted depresses me. Sometimes it's good to talk to someone who has been through the same thing and know they understand, but otherwise no, I'm not at all the "misery loves company" type.

I think it's one thing to seek out those with common struggles to identify with. To vent to, to learn from, to b***h together and hate things, whatever. But it's when people who have little to no idea wanna throw that out there, it gets really irritating. It feels like they are implying I should not feel the way I do just because somone else is worse off. But, why do I care? I mean, really, why do I care what someone I never knew is dealing with? Do I care if kids are starving in Africa? No, I don't. So the thought that at least I'm not like that isn't at all comforting. It just makes me hate existence all the more. Cuz I then realize that people are worse than me and that's even sadder. Seems the whole world just f*****g sucks.