Pretty terrified

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So, my in-laws are taking the whole family (6 of us) to Spain in a few weeks. Spain isn't on the top of my list of places I want to travel first, so it's not very exciting to me. I don't think the excitement can outweigh the fear. Plus, the people I'm traveling with are constant arguers so it's not like I'm going with my best friend or something.

The closer it gets to the departure date, the more anxiety I have. Planes are not fun for me. I've tried tricking my mind into thinking the feeling I was experiencing was "excitement" and not terror, but that didn't work. I've done EMDR, tapping, breathing techniques, medication, etc. and I still have tremendous amounts of anxiety before/while flying. A few years ago I went to Israel and I didn't know how I would respond to flying (since the time before that I knocked myself out and didn't remember it), and I ended up having a panic attack and then my body went into shock. I couldn't go to the bathroom for 9 days after I landed because my body was extremely tense. After that, I only went like 2 other times in a 3 week period. I almost had to go to the hospital and experienced severe stomach pains for weeks after I got back to the US. Recently I took a 2 hour flight and I was vomiting every morning for about a week before I flew (due to high cortisol). And now this time... oh it's so bad.... I have to take FOUR flights to get to Madrid, and take FOUR flights back.. that's EIGHT FLIGHTS! I've never taken that many in one trip in my life! The company who they booked through said that I cannot make any changes to the flights or the trip will be cancelled so I can't take a direct flight from my location to the departure city. I have no idea what to do now and I don't know if I can handle this. I cannot back out because it's my mother-in-law's birthday trip and I've already cancelled one fully paid trip to CA. They also don't know I have AS so if I start melting down I'm just going to be the one "overreacting." This sounds so miserable to me, and I don't know if I can cope with it. Apparently, after we spend 26 hours of traveling and flying, we dive straight into tourist stuff... we have an overnight flight so we arrive at 9:25am and we can't even get into the hotel until that evening. So we're all stuck with walking around Madrid for hours on end with all of our luggage.. not to mention, feeling like zombies because who really sleeps on planes?

Does anyone else feel this way about flying? How does everyone else cope? Does anyone have any suggestions on what might help? I've got ear plugs, ear buds, binaural beats, meds if necessary, essential oils for relaxation, comfy clothes, distractions, nicotine, air pillow, eye mask, and other things to help me zone out. However, I really hate taking narcotics because of the side effects and how damaging it is to the brain. Plus I don't want the trip to be a blur because I had to stay medicated for like 30 hours straight and couldn't shake off the drowsiness. I honestly am terrified and I'm just hoping that I can come up with something that will stop my fight-or-flight response. I can manage anxiety with pranayama and tapping and stuff but it's like when I get on a plane it all goes out the window. Also, it's not so much about dying on a plane, but it's about how my body reacts to fear and the actual "feeling of falling" you get at times like when you take off and start to level off is what makes my lose it.

Sorry for the overly detailed post. Any suggestions will probably help me.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

What part of Spain are you going to? Aside from Madrid? There are many nice parts of Spain....with lots of history.

Have you ever flown before?

My wife used to be deathly afraid of flying---until she had a few flights over many years under her belt.

Thanks, it really does suck feeling this way. It's all I think about now.

We are going to Madrid and Barcelona. I'm not anti-Spain, I look forward to experiencing it when I get there. It's just not the top of the list of placed I want to go before others.

And yes as I stated, I've flown before and a few of which were traumatic experiences.

How many people are you going with?

Just stay home.

Yogi: enjoy Spain!

Make sure your tablet and phone are charged.

I would assume you are all together on the plane.

Don’t forget your passport!

Is your husband a nice guy in the sense that he’d take your hand upon takeoff? My wife used to take mine.

I think your physical and mental health are as important as somebody's birthday trip. I would stay home if I were you. You are wanting to conform to family's expectations of you and they, meanwhile, don't know how severe your problems are. Why are you doing this to yourself - putting yourself last?

You list all the travel problems you have had and the things you have tried and the results, and then you ask us for tips to make this go better. I'll bet nothing we could offer you would make any difference.

Not only is the transportation part upsetting for you, but the sight-seeing itinerary sounds pretty daunting too, especially if you are still physically sick from the travel.

Do yourself a favor and stay home. Send your apologies and I think perhaps an abridged form of what you've told us, so they don't count you in on their next globetrotting adventure.

Save your money. People who spend their youths travelling are often left without savings. Those restless wanderers can keep travelling but you can keep your money.