Well today is my birthday I am 46 years old. Christ I am an old man now HOW depressing. Just sitting here wondering why I am in one of my moods where the depression seams to come on from no where and takes over me. Here is a bit of what I am writing on you tube just now to give you an idea.
I dont know why, but I am feeling very down right now. Something just is not right and I cannot put my finger on it. In an earlier post I wrote about what things I have been lucky enough to see. But the flip side of that is, what have I missed. Because of my fear of relationships my fear of commitments. Have I lessened my value to the greater whole because of this.
I have a friend out there who said she does not know how I can put my feelings out there for others to see in the form of my poetry. I simply told her I just dont care what others think about my feelings. Because I gave up on that many many many years ago. Its what happens when you are made fun of in school and growing up for so long, because you just dont quiet fit in.
I could be in the center of a group of people and still feel on the outside. All I would be thinking of is running as far away as I could, distancing myself from what I craved.
Here are a couple poems i have written in the past couple days.
As I walk along, through the dusty memories.
I move past the decadence and the discord.
Small part of me falling off, to join the prints I left behind.
Picked up by others and attached where their holes are.
I find parts that fill my voids and put them in place.
The noise in my ears crescendo in a deafening roar.
The sound from the past catches up to me, it passes me.
Only to leave me behind in its wake.
I am the pebble in the center of it all.
Waves moving away from me as I walk alone this dusty path.
Filled by the dust of the ones ahead of me.
I walk the path they left behind.
I watch her from upon high
Draped in black flowing form
gliding along the ground not a sound
she kneels down
digs her hand in
cradles what she holds
A drop flows up from her hands
red upon the black and white
floats off into the night.
_________________
I was that strange kid who always tried to fit in. I am that adult that is still trying to fit in.
Your Aspie score: 184 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 41 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
28 May 2016, 9:47 pm
