I worry that I'm getting bitter

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I feel like I'm getting more and more cynical. I start thinking that everyone is a hypocrite. I feel society is powerless to help me but not powerless to punish me. I feel like they expect me to be perfect that makes me feel really on-edge.

Maybe it's just mood swings. I go through phases of low energy and high energy. It used to be that I would swing between sad and happy but now it's more like I swing between sad and angry.

When I'm sad I feel like everyone superior to me and I'm hopeless but when I'm mad I feel like everyone is a hypocrite and society as a whole is hopeless.

When I say everyone, I include myself in that group because I'm a part of "everyone" so doubtless I'm a hypocrite too. Maybe we all just have unevolved monkey brains that aren't equipped for modern life.

Some of the time I feel like I'm a hair trigger away from saying something will get me into trouble, even though if someone else said it they'd probably get away with it.

Sometimes I feel like it's all pointless because any goal I set myself can be logical within the context of going towards a larger goal but any ultimate goal I set myself seems to be completely arbitrary because by definition it doesn't serve to advance towards a greater goal. This means I can't logically define an ultimate purpose for my actions.

Other times I feel like I'm just extremely negative and pessimistic and cynical. Like I'm becoming bitter.

Yeah...I feel this way sometimes.

I feel one of the keys is knowing that the ladies are not the "be-all/end-all." Not that ladies aren't nice (they are!)--but I've learned not to invest my total heart in my pursuit of the ladies. And pursuit of their regard for you.

There's other things in life that we can pursue and enjoy. With or without the ladies.

I believe, once a lady knows that a man has interests beyond obtaining love, they feel better about the man. They feel like he is less fragile, more reliable. They don't feel that must walk on eggshells with the man.

Ladies? This isn't about ladies. I was upset because I got into an argument with a guy at work. A lot of my frustrations are work related. Not your fault because I didn't explain.

With my luck I'll live forever

I've gotten into arguments, too....with co-workers.

What was the argument about?

It's really normal to feel angry and bitter after you've had an argument with somebody.

I can totally relate to what you're saying OP. I'm 46 now and have become very bitter and dream of becoming a recluse. I can't afford to though.

Everyone else seems to be so relaxed and at ease with themselves and the world. They also seem to get away with a lot. I put one foot out of line and I'm jumped on immediately.

I don't have the answer, or indeed, any answer other than to show yourself care and don't be hard on yourself.

So it could happen to me too. Crap

Then again, it might not happen to you.

I think it's already happening to me

What is happening to you? Are you getting more cynical?

No, more pessimistic.

I'm thinking you're in a certain frame of mind for some reason.

I wouldn't attribute it to the weather, because it's probably not too cold where you are.

It's not worth it to think about something like how you couldn't get girls when you were younger, or how guys did things younger than you did things. It's not worth it to compare yourself to other guys.

For some circumstances it makes sense to be bitter, doesn't mean it will help anything but it makes perfect sense. I see it as a natural development, the only way to change that is to change your circumstances and that is much easier said than done but possible.

I've been feeling a lot of this lately as well. I just get pissed off so much, just at people in general. Either that or I'm wallowing in my own sorrow. It really sucks.
I just turned 18 in February, and graduated high school in June, and I'm not going to college (at least not this year; I plan to go fall next year -- if I can pay), so I feel a lot of pressure from society, and myself, to get my life started already; I've basically just sat at home and played video games for the last month and a half. I keep telling people I want a job, but I just let more and more opportunities to find one slip by. I've been telling myself not to be too hard on myself, as I'm only 18, and it's barely been two months since I graduated, but there must be something wrong if all I feel is disgust and/or anger towards myself, for society, or both.

This is exactly how I feel. It seems as if everyone else -- even other losers, like me -- is perfectly fine with everything going on in their lives, while I sit here feeling like a piece of poop. Perhaps everyone else is just as unsettled as us, but just better at hiding it? I get that feeling a lot. Some of my friends which are NT have said that's how it is, so maybe.



I can relate to this a lot, too. Unfortunately.

I sympathise. That was how I felt when I was in my mid twenties.

I have good news for you. There is hope. The fact that you know you have a problem means you can take steps to solve that problem. Really it helps. I've been beset by problems I wasn't even aware of until years later and not admitting I have a problem makes it impossible to take steps to solve it.

When I was your age, I was just out of high school and playing video games, like you. At the time I didn't see it as a problem. Five years later I still didn't see it as a problem. When I finally saw it as a problem when I was about twenty six, it took me just over a year to solve it. If I had recognised that problem earlier it would have been solved earlier. Even if it takes you a year to get started, you can start at nineteen, which isn't too old.

I'm not trying to get into a competition about who screwed up their life the most, I'm just trying to help you not feel as about your situation.

You may feel like our culture frowns on an eighteen year old wasting even a single year and you may be right. That's why I'm bitter. True I'm intensely dissatisfied with my own life but I'm not bitter about it. I'm sad about it, I regret it, but I'm not bitter about it. I reserve bitterness for other people or more often society in general. Our culture frowns upon an eighteen year old wasting a single year because our stupid reprehensible culture doesn't want you to rest or enjoy yourself for even that short time. They want you to work or work at study from the day you first enter grade school to the day you retire at 65+ without even a single year's break. Don't blame yourself, blame society for making that into a sin.

So there is hope for you pink_harmonica. There is hope for you because you will soon be in college and also because I've observed that girls mature faster than boys.I think you're right. I get sad about my life, I regret my decisions and I talk about it. Maybe I'm really boring people with this talk. I'm not sure. But I think some people who may have regrets view it as a taboo topic. Maybe they don't want to reveal their perceived weakness. Maybe they think they did something bad and so they don't want to admit to having done it. Sort of like how an uncaught criminal wouldn't want to admit to his crimes. Maybe they don't keep their past failures a secret but they make excuses because while they admit that it happens, they don't want to admit that it was there fault. Maybe they make it sound not so bad. For example, I've heard people who couldn't get into college say they don't want it, college isn't that great, it gives them a big debt and may not lead to employment. It sounds like sour grapes to me.

Or maybe they're not intentionally making excuses. More like their excuses come from a subconscious bias. Most people view themselves as being incapable of doing anything wrong so if they fail at something they automatically blame everyone else. How strange that they're surrounded by mistake prone people yet in their view they've never made a single mistake.

The smaller minority of people have the opposite problem. While they readily take responsibility for mistakes that were actually their fault, they also take responsibility for things that weren't their fault. For example, if a young lady couldn't get into college in her eighteenth year due to circumstances entirely beyond her control, she might blame herself even though it's not her fault. I've done that sort of thing plenty of times but it can be very difficult to recognise when you're doing it. In fact it's difficult for people to recognise any cognitive bias they have because it's a bias in their own mind rather than the outside world.

If you can get into college next year you're doing very well, especially considering the college application process is far more complex in America than it is in Australia. Meanwhile, enjoy your video games for a year. Enjoy your break from our crappy, judgemental, exploitative society. It may be the last chance you ever get.

Well, Retro, all I can say is that bitter and happy are phases, you'll freely move between them depending on circumstances. I myself was born a cynic and will always have a well tuned BS meter. That said, I've found myself actually getting more positive as time passes-- which is equally as disturbing because it's change and change is difficult to undertake.