Want to Leave My Family Soon As Possible

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Hi everyone,

Within the last year, I recently confessed to my father and basically both sides of my family (indirectly) about being molested by one of my older half-siblings. My paternal grandmother found out from my other aunt (dad's sister) and she's been in denial ever since. This half-sister was my mom's eldest daughter and to this day, I can't believe we're related. How did my mom get a piece of trash for a daughter? I'll never know. Anyway, I also confessed this same secret to one of my cousins' ex-girlfriend and her mother and she in turn (the ex that is) told my mom's side of the family. A couple months later, my maternal aunt comes over my house with her 11 year old granddaughter and tells me that I have to forgive and forget because my sister is family. She also made a BS excuse about life being short, but that's beside the point. She just wanted me to sweep this under the rug because my sister is the favorite of that dysfunctional family. I also feel like many of my maternal relatives despise me for being mixed (my mother was black if that gives you an idea), but that's another story for another time. Not only has my sister denied doing anything to me, she brings up my work and school situation like that's the only thing that matters to distract everyone and like dummies they fall for the bait. I'm just really mad when I think about this whole situation. My sister and I stopped speaking to each other late last August after I ignored a couple of her measly messages on Facebook. She then decided to cut me off knowing I didn't want much to do with her to begin with. I just wished I said something sooner. There are at least a few reasons why I decided to come forward about this.

1. Even after we stopped speaking to each other, I somehow feel like I was obligated to protect her and that made me very angry.
2. I felt as though she has been rewarded for bad behavior. She feels like she can walk all over people and use them or whatever and still get what she wants. Let her tell it, she's justified.
3. It's time everyone knows how much of a lying snake she really is.

She pretends to be this good person all the while stabbing people in the back (anyone who she feels is on her bad side). My dad, while he feels I wouldn't make up a story about my being molested by anyone, is torn between what I say, what my sister said and what his denying mother says about all of my accusations being false. I also feel my paternal aunt is the same way (never said anything in disagreement about my confession). My nana is in denial due to dementia and other things and still feels like my sister is some sort of angel when she's anything but one. My mother's side of the family, as I mentioned before, sees my sister in a positive light because they can relate to her more. Honestly, I don't think they care for me too much. My maternal aunt (the one who came over for thanksgiving) had the nerve to laugh when I told her it'll take at least 40 years for me to get over this. This isn't funny!! She's trying to force me to forgive for the sake of our rotten family. She acted like my secret is gonna send everyone one edge when the family hasn't been close in years! What was my confession gonna do?! ! Make things worse??? Newsflash!! Things have been bad for years!! ! Sorry for the rant here.

My paternal grandmother denies everything I wrote in this apology letter and also focuses on my work and school situation. My mom's family doesn't want much to do with me. It's just an all-around mess here. Although I knew I had to confess about my sister, I felt like it made things worse. The good thing that came out of all this is that I now know everyone's true colors. And I realize that I have far few friends in between. In regards to my sister, there is no reconciling. She can't and doesn't want to do much for me. My paternal grandmother is taking her side and even told my dad last week that she's seeing a psychiatrist, but not by her own admission like she's trying to make her believe. A while back, I told my counselor I feel like my sister's still a threat to other children and because of this she had to notify both CPS and the police. CPS obviously found out where my sister was and told her she had to get help. My sister, who hates my grandmother, had the nerve to tell her this sob story but only because she's running scared now. She was the one who bragged about sending Nana's apology letter back a couple summers ago, yet had the nerve to make herself look innocent in all this. I swear she's worse than I thought. She plays people for a fool and uses them for her own personal gain just like she did with me and so many others. I hate her and she will never be apart of my life ever again. My grandmother thinks I'll never amount to anything and she and my dad haven't spoken in about a week because of this.

I feel like I need a fresh, brand-new start somewhere else away from people who don't really care for me. What was the point in me trying to reach out to them anyway? The only thing most of my relatives (at least my immediate family) care about is if I have money particularly a job. In my family, having a career is more important than sanity and it's sad. No one wants to talk about anything. I feel like once my dad goes, I'll have no one to turn to. My mom's side of the family isn't gonna wanna help me. And when it comes to my dad's side, nothing is gonna change as long as my grandmother's alive. Even if someone isn't speaking to her (like one of my dad's cousins), she still has influence on what goes on and everyone has to listen to her. I shake my head. I really do. Although I have an idea on what to do in terms of an Autism program, does anyone have any suggestions? I'm personally considering Easter Seals, but I don't think they have services in Maryland. Besides, I don't want to stay in Baltimore for the rest of my life. From what I hear, Easter Seals has residency and employment programs for Autistics and other people with disabilities. I still gotta talk with my DORS counselor about this and also have to fill out my medical release form from Kennedy Krieger (they keep your records on file 'til you're 25). Other than my rotten family, the only thing that's here in Baltimore is drugs, crime and poverty. I really gotta get away.

Yep, stay focused on whatever it takes to move out and become independent as soon as possible and don't give up, whatever happens. Good luck.

I have gone through a similar experience. For me, the only way to help is to find my own understanding of the suffering that they cause themselves by living in denial. After more than 40 yrs my mother is finally showing signs of understanding and accepting her responsibility. They're small steps but I've never backed down, never been cruel and listened to her "wrong perceptions" the best that I could, even though they may hurt me. Here is a video that explains this better than I can:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ9UtuWfs3U
The most helpful part starts at 10 min 43 sec into the video. This takes practice. One must be willing to practice, always, but it also takes no effort. The effort lies in anger, in frustration, in trying. The more one practices, the more effortless understanding becomes. Seeking first to understand one often finds that others are then willing to try harder to understand you.
In your case, what he describes may sound something like this, "I know that it seems impossible or is very difficult to accept that this happened. Can you please tell me what you're scared of? Please help me to understand you're point of view and how this situation hurts you? I promise that I will listen."

"Here is a video that explains this better than I can:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ9UtuWfs3U"

I just watched that video link you sent me from YouTube. I must say that Thich Naht Hahn's interview with Oprah was pretty enlightening. I never realized how much in common a Buddhist monk has with Jesus Christ. Jesus taught non-violence, compassion and understanding. Buddhist monks do the same thing.

That's very true. There are actually scholars who are researching that connection and have theorized that the 7 "missing" years of history in the life of Jesus was time that he spent studying Buddhism. Upon his return, they theorize, he became the Jesus of the Bible. Buddhism is hundreds of years older than Christianity and there are written documents from the time when the Buddha was alive - they actually know his history, his family, etc. because he came from wealth and "high status" and left that to find an end to suffering. Ghandi followed his lead. Either way, Jesus and the Buddha just wanted to help us all to suffer less and love more, no?