No, it's the RIGHT planet.

Post Reply New Topic

... really, it is. If I could go to a planet populated entirely by Aspies, you'd maybe be able to get me there at gunpoint. Maybe.

I love the world around me, the people in it. It pains me to feel so disconnected from it and to feel like I am out of sync with it, unable to ever really catch up. I feel fettered by my neurology and the life it's given me. I feel like I cannot justify the live I live now... a lot of autistic people (really, most NT people too) are very egocentric. I feel the pull to be that way and I resent it. I can't abide by it. I don't want to live for myself when there's seven billion other people I share this planet with. I don't see the value or purpose in living for me. I love helping people.

There's something between them and me, though.

Somehow, I've got to bridge this gap. I need to be able to interact smoothly with people, to understand them and share information easily. My dream would be that I was able to influence and persuade people... at the very least, to educate and inspire them. As it is, my efforts fall flat. I've had to give up my dreams several times in the past decade. One dream, then another, then another. They were just never realistic. I can't handle the social demands or the anxiety of the things I've always wanted to do. I've kind of run out of dreams. Maybe I need to find a new one.

I've thought about more artistic endeavors, but I'm... dubious about this. I seem to have some talent, but to my knowledge I've never seen art or writing from a fellow aspie that I thought was worthwhile. It always seems soulless, derivative and mechanical, and my efforts have had much the same feel to them. Maybe it's not something I'm capable of.

I've thought that maybe I can do some of the things I want to do... getting more involved in politics, activism, etc. But I'd need the right supports, and even with helpful, understanding people around me my whole life I've found very little in the way of practical advice. Lots of platitudes, and lots of things that help me scrape by... nothing that helps me specifically with autistic problems. Even people who were supposed to specialize in it can't seem to figure me out. My last therapist said I was one of the most frustrating patients he's ever had.

Well, yeah. All we do is talk. There's no action. No concrete plan, or development of actual skills. I can't stop an avalanche of dysfunctional thought and behavior by thinking happy thoughts. I'm going to need something more extensive and more radical than that. My thought processes need to change. My behaviors... and I need some way to handle all the anxiety. I've gotten so good at hiding all this s**t that I don't think people realize how bad it is.

I need help and don't know where to find it.

It's the right planet... I'm just a bit the wrong person, trying to figure out how to be the right one.

it has been my experience [YMMV] that if one looks at the sheer wall of all our problems at once, they appear unreachable not to mention insurmountable, like trying to spit on the moon. what I found is that one has to PICK JUST ONE problem at a time [start with a primary problem] and work on it until it is no longer a problem one way or another. when that problem is licked, then pick another 2nd place primary problem. sometimes you have to break problems down into their elements, choose the most important element to work on. for example, if one is self-conscious, work on one's presentation while standing in the mirror and comparing it with some else's presentation who one esteems for such. if you can identify a specific element of one problem or one specific problem, then the chances increase markedly for somebody here to be able to be helpful to you.

Yeah, I'm tired (work's been crazy and I'm getting about 5 hours of sleep a night) and ranting. Stream of consciousness stuff, y'know?

The three main takeaways in tl;dr form:

1. My need to help others exceeds my ability to do so (because autism), and I don't see any workarounds for this.
2. I haven't a f*****g clue what to do with myself next, and am not sure how to figure that out.
3. I require therapy (beyond sitting-on-a-couch psychotherapy) and possibly other treatment to achieve my goals, and have no idea where to find it.

Moving forward on any one of these would be a huge deal for me.

Anyway, I do need to get to bed but I'll respond to posts in this thread ASAP.

EDIT: Also, I'm absolutely adding "spitting on the moon" to my repertoire!

Were you aiming this for your close ones like family, relatives, and friends? Or on higher scale?

If you're aiming at the former, you might be already one by presence alone. Left this unfulfilled is heartbreaking, meaning you don't truly exists. Even if you got the latter right.
If you're aiming at the latter, then Good NEWS: You are in the Right Planet. And Congrats for.. Uhm, being Human? Because that's the most common unfulfillment ever.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.