I keep hitting myself and it's hard to stop

Post Reply New Topic

I've been stressed out lately because I've been having some sort of medical problem where I keep vomiting and having diarrhea, so I can't eat food with too much nutrition or it'll make me feel sick. The medical problem is on its way to being sorted out, but the combination of discomfort and lack of nutrition and the anxiety I'm getting from having to rest and miss work (I work in a hot warehouse and the heat aggravates my vomiting and makes it easier to get dehydrated--last time I worked I had to go to the hospital and get fluids) has been making me anxious and irritable and I've been feeling worthless and disgusted with myself and my body, so I keep getting very upset and hitting myself--hard.

It's VERY difficult for me to feel pain from a "hard touch"--the only time I've ever really felt pain from being hit was when my grandfather got me on the ear one time and it made my ears ring. But I've had a couple of episodes where I've hit myself so hard that it actually HURT, and I've left red marks and bruised areas. I don't have a punching bag or anything else I find acceptable to hit (I feel like everything is a little bit alive so I'd feel guilty if I hit a pillow or something because they're not made to be hit).

I've started seeing a new therapist and she seems like she'll be good, but I don't see her again until Wednesday and I'm worried that I'll accidentally make visible bruises on myself that'll make it look like someone's been hitting me to other people (so far I've mostly only hit myself on the leg and I always wear long pants, but this most recent time I hit myself in the face and it's been red for a while) or I'll damage myself somehow so I'll be even worse off than I already am. I haven't had this problem since I was eight, and when I was eight I never hit myself THIS hard; it was more of a stimming thing than an aggressive thing.

TL;DR I'm feeling anxious and useless because I'm having medical issues that are taking a long time to resolve so I've been hitting myself hard enough to cause bruises. Does anyone have any suggestions for coping WITHOUT hitting myself like this?

When is the next time you go to the doctor for the medical problem?

If you're strong enough, you should spend time on the computer pursuing your special interests.

Distraction might be the best way to stop hitting yourself.

I try that, but there's only so much distraction that I can do, and when I'm just distracting myself the anxiety and self hatred continues to progress under the surface, and I get more and more irritable and frustrated and then when I'm in between doing things I end up hitting myself again. I accidentally got myself on the ear just now. I've been hitting my legs to the point where they get weak and start shaking. Please, could more people respond to this?

How about punching something soft in your immediate environment as a sort of distraction. A mattress, a pillow.

Or.....get some sort of "punching bag."

Maybe some sort of "squeeze machine" might help, too. Temple Grandin, a famous autistic person, invented one for herself.

I can sense the difficulty you're experiencing. I wish I could come up with a better solution.

What is it that's creating all this self-hate in the first place?

Strange as this may sound since I'm NT, I actually understand not wanting to "hurt" anything else even like a pillow. At the same time, I can't understand the hitting or cutting of oneself.

You need to keep your hands occupied. I knit or crochet. How about those small balls that are used for squeezing? That would keep your hands occupied.

I sense that NurseAngela is offering excellent advice.