Feeling really, really lonely and horrible

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I'm feeling really lonely and isolated at the moment I can't seem to make or keep friends and it's really getting me down. I'm nearly 30 and I only have one 'real' friend but she lives 300 miles away so I don't get to see her that much. There are some kids I used to babysit who I'm really close to but they're teenagers now and want to hang out with their own friends which I understand but I really miss spending a lot of time with them and having the social contact with them and their mum who's really nice and supportive but I know she has her own friends and doesn't need me hanging round all the time. I had a close friend until about eight months ago but she asked me not to contact her any more because I was contacting her too much and I'm 'too intense', and I've lost almost any friendship I've ever had for the same reason. I'm so scared I'm never going to be able to keep friends and it makes me feel horrible. I'm not working at the moment because I can't get job I'm OK at or doesn't make me too panicky or uncomfortable, and that makes me feel like a complete failure as an adult especially as I've never been in a relationship. Every day seems to be managing horrible feelings or thoughts and trying not to act on urges to binge/cut/over-exercise, and I'm getting really frustrated and feeling rubbish about it. Feeling really, really lonely and don't know what to do anyone else experienced similar? Genuinely have no idea what to do about it! Feels like there's no point existing a lot of the time, no motivation to do anything and nothing I really 'want' to do anyway. Hate it so much

I can't say I relate to this situation as I don't crave human companionship in this way / with the intensity that you do, but most advice to autistics seeking friendships I believe is to utilise our emphasis on interests and associate with others through them. This is often a way to access others with less awkwardness related to substandard social skills. Are your interests of the kind you could do in groups? Have you looked into any groups running locally that you could turn into an interest? If you're not working, maybe a class at a community college, or a weekly interest group? These things run in most areas. Even a fitness class or something via the meetup site in your area. Thought about starting study to train for a job that plays to our skills? Often classmates form friendships, and studying together is a good excuse to be social.
If you tend to overwhelm one person with your attention, maybe keep this in awareness and make the effort to associate with several people, instead of fixating on one, to spread attention less intensely.
It's a conundrum trying to find one's passion. I think lots of people are still searching, autistic and otherwise. Seeking out something that really engages you and also involves others may help with the meaning deficit plus the social isolation.
Again, not sure how useful this is as I haven't given it much thought in my case, but I hope you find some friendlies!

It seems to be hard for people our age to make new friends nowadays, even when they're not autistic.

I'm hanging on like grim death to the two good friends I see regularly. Possibly hanging on a bit TOO hard. I've lost contact with people who still live in the same town as me, and there are so many people I really like but I haven't talked to enough since they moved away. (When it's long-distance, I have the opposite problem to "coming on too strong.")

One of my old friends isn't herself autistic, but I know since she moved she's made no new friends apart from people who are really her partner's friends. Social isolation bites even those who don't have our problems, so go easy on yourself!

I wonder if it would help you to do something low-pressure where you get to meet people. For me, that's playing music- I see the same few people when I'm out at open mics, and though I don't talk to them that much, having familiar faces takes the edge off the loneliness. It's helped me emerge from a really bad time.

Like C2V says, groups and classes can be good for this. I went to a mindfulness class for people with depression for a while. And just having more company, however casual, may help you feel less desperate to hang on to your old friends.

But don't feel bad if you can't take steps to meet people right away. Energetic new things are best done when you're feeling slightly more robust. Look after yourself. It IS hard, but you're not alone in this, and not beyond hope.