Panic Attack and Paralysing Loneliness

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Hi, I'm Rachel, 22, HFA and depression (plus a couple of psychotic episodes I haven't seen a doctor for). I've been trying really hard to push myself out of my comfort zone recently; a boy asked me out and I actually said yes for a change. I had never been on a date until I went for drinks with him, and I still have never kissed anyone or had sex (I'm pretty sure I'm asexual anyway). I do like him, I really do, and he has been amazingly patient and kind to me. That said, we still don't know each other that well; he's making concessions for my autism but he doesn't know how much of a mess I really am (I intend to keep it that way!).

We've been texting back and forth (so much easier than talking face-to-face), and mentioned another date sometime. I see him through work anyway so it's not like I haven't seen him since we first went out. I knew I wasn't coping very well with the stress/pressure of considering a relationship, but when he just text to suggest a movie tomorrow evening, I had a full on panic attack. I've been feeling tight-chested for a couple of weeks but this was a full blown panic attack. I have managed to calm my breathing down but I am still sobbing/rocking and feeling absolutely lost. Normally I don't mind that I have no friends (I enjoy the independence), but when I feel like this I realise how utterly alone I have made myself. There's not a person in the world I can talk to about the way I feel, about how I just freaked out...

I actually think he would want to know and to comfort me, he's that sort of person, but I am not the sort of person who would want him to know. I have a lot of walls I put up between myself and other people, and a lot that I have no control over (HFA for one). Oh my god. I am going to suggest going out for drinks again, because I have already done that once and the familiarity will make it easier for me.

tl;dr What do you guys do for loneliness or panic?

if you prefer drinks I would say so. Nothing wrong with that. Just say you don't really feel like goign for a movie. You are over thinking it which tends to happen with anxiety.

Panic attack can be made better with CBT and anything that will reduce stress. I had my last panic attack around 2008.

Very familiar with this type of anxiety.

I did just say so in the end, and he didn't seem to mind. Funny how my brain couldn't imagine that beforehand

I would really like CBT, or any kind of therapy really, just a job getting it at the moment! I will have to put more effort in to finding a suitable therapy option, because I clearly need something. I can't live like this lol

Yep rigid thinking plus assuming the worst.