How Do You Deal with the Attitudes of Others?

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Over the last couple of years, I've been developing an increasing degree of cynicism, as part of my process of getting more grounded in life. It seems that the cynicicism helps keep me from getting taken advantage of too easily. It can also lead to discoragement and inertia, but I was already dealing with quite a bit of that even before I started deliberately acquiring a more cynical outlook.

It would be nice to have the support of some friends, especially for a transition that I'm attempting from disability to an independent existence. I have problems keeping going on anything major, and some support would be a big help. Of course, I'm more than willing to reciprocate on this one. I do take some medications for bipolar and ADD which helps, but it's a little hard to keep going all by yourself without a support network, and that's true even for "perfectly normal" people.

I do have a few friendships, but most people seem to be too busy to take time for anyone they don't already know, and many people seem to hide behind an attitude as a way of protecting themselves. I also have to watch for people who offer a supposed friendship as a way of sucking my energy into their own little worlds, with little or no return support. I do get involved in some groups, but there is often little in common beyond the group interest; there seems to be little room for individual interests. Many people seem to be unwilling to share their own interests, unless they can somehow take over your energies to support their interests. Whatever happened to MUTUAL support on a personal level?

Of course, some people have gone on to say that my own interests are "too narrow" for their tastes. Maybe so, but I do know that there are other people out there who share some of my interests. Besides, people who get on me about this sort of thing, remind me of a quote from The Devil's Dictionary, "EGOTIST: (n) Someone who is more interested in himself than he is in me."

So, what's been your experience along these lines? I included a poll to help summarize results, and I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences and insights.

As soon as I hear the world "attitude"....My mind goes blank....All I know about "attitude" is that mine is apparently "bad" to many people.I came to the conclussion that having a "bad attitude" is actually code for ..."you dont agree with me".

As far as people,except for this web site...I just avoid them as much as is possible and it works pretty well for me.I do have to go into public sometimes to my job or to shop but I keep my exposure to people as limited as possible(work over nights and go to stores when they are less crowded).

As far as a support system.....this is it for me.I never had one from family and usually only attracted "leach" people in my attempts at friendship IRL,so I dont bother any more.I dont make a great friend myself,even though I can be very giving of "things",I dont know what to say most times to people who are in "crisis",hate drama,more problem solver then emotional supporter and am admittedly selfish with my freetime.I like people a lot more,the less time I actually spend around them.

I get along very well with most people!

I only interract with people on the net, and for the most part, this is how it has been for the last 6 years. I go through phases where I might make a few friends in my real life, usually elderly people or staff in stores, but the rest are like...totally unavailable to me, as well as either repugnant, frightening or incomprehensible. I have to admit, I am very isolated and lonely. and am not doing so great without any support network in place, but I lack the motivation and energy to even attempt to change my situation. I talk to one lady in real life, and she is a worker in a store I go to each day. She is always pleasant to me and tolerant, unlike her colleague who talked to me nightly for 5 months, then told me to clear off when I inadvertently offended her. I have not been the same since. I have an innate distrust of people in general and no faith in there existing any redeeming qualities in them.

I used to, not so long ago, see goodness and value in all, but I am afraid experiences have made me mostly cynical. I ignore people with attitude altogether. I have no time for that bullsh**.

Could you guys please explain what "attitude" is?I may have sounded sarcastic in my response but I wasnt kidding about not understanding what this word means.I would like to understand it better so I can defend myself when accused of having a "bad" one(though maybe I DO and then I could concur with the person,that they are correct).

I think I'm most close to: I can't stand people but I'm lonely. I do find it hard to get one with people and find things to talk about but I know I must keep trying otherwise I do occassionally get lonely, and then you do need people to talk to. But usually I'm pretty happy just me on my own.

It is the way a person presents themselves in terms of behaviour...if it is said someone has an attitude problem, it suggests they behave in a way that offends others.

Well,I do tend to offend people,so I guess I have one(attitude).Is it also like "having a chip on your shoulder",being "negative",I have heard those as well.

IMHO, I generally understand "attitude" in terms of putting others down as a way of making oneself look or feel better. This can take a lot of forms; the one I run into most often is simple snubbing, but it sometimes manifests as being over-critical or preachy (especially when they hardly even know me). The funniest bit is when people claim I'm closed-minded, just because I don't buy into whatever their trip is!

It seems that you know "attitude" when you see it. It's draining on my energy, so I just avoid situations where I might have to deal with it.

IMHO, I generally understand "attitude" in terms of putting others down as a way of making oneself look or feel better. This can take a lot of forms; the one I run into most often is simple snubbing, but it sometimes manifests as being over-critical or preachy (especially when they hardly even know me). The funniest bit is when people claim I'm closed-minded, just because I don't buy into whatever their trip is!

It seems that you know "attitude" when you see it. It's draining on my energy, so I just avoid situations where I might have to deal with it.[/quote



Thanks...I change my vote then.I dont think I put people down very often(though I might express a different opinion then theirs)
I dont think that others "attitudes" bother me either,as I mostly avoid people and dont care what many people think or say about me.(I probably have an "attitude" in that I really dont think a lot of people are very bright or very nice)

I do get ignored or snubbed a lot,even here, with certain groups and that does hurt my feelings and I have considered not coming here to avoid the feeling but decided to just try and avoid those people.

I think what bothers me more then people attitudes? is their actions.....like laziness at my job,illogical decissions by my manager,contridictions and disorginization by managers....this is the stuff that gets me fuming.Some of my co-workers "snub" me but I dont really want to be their friends,so it doesnt really bother me(other then being a little confussing because I dont exactly know why they dislike me)....not to bothered by it,but was when I was younger.

The last three options are me all depending on how I feel at the time.

I could not care less about people, they can go to hell or whatever. I have no interest in their additutes, interestingly, I dont feel bad when someone has a bad mood, it does not concern me, seen others feel bad about that. I feel best without people around me.

I get along with almost everybody. If somebody says something derogatory about me, I let it roll down, like water off a duck's back.

Yes, that's how I feel too. I try to get on with most people but I don't care a great deal what other people think about me. If they don't like me, that's their problem.

i hate "hanging" around , it just isn't my style i prefer peace and quiet on my own. i do like to "hang" occassionally but my few friends want me to hang out loads which i don't do! it hurts them but iv'e tried explaining that i'm AS but the message doesn't get through!

Zanaiac:
This is a support group. Hi. Welcome in. Share. No one will laugh or fail to understand, and you'll probably find people who are interested in what you like.
btdt