Revision Blues and Stress

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Just to warn this post mentions suicidal thoughts.

I'm a few weeks away from finishing this year at college/uni, 7 exams start on May 21st and run into early June. My stress and anxiety levels are quite high at the moment and this is impacting on my motivation. I did go into uni on Saturday and Sunday and do work which I have never done before but yesterday and today I've been low. I'm seriously worried about the content of my revision and so forth.

I've had disturbing thoughts about walking in front of trains and cars, obviously I don't like having these and they are scary but on Friday they seemed quite strong. The worrying thing is I don't "feel" all that much about them, I seem detached, measured, calculating. I've never attempted to talk my life before and I've every intention of sitting my exams and I have told one of my support people about these thoughts.

So yeah, I guess things aren't great at the moment, thank you for listening.

Hi Basement,

Sorry to hear you are having difficulties.

I really struggled at Uni too - there is so much pressure and it can be very hard to cope. It's great that you went into uni at the weekend - it shows that you are very committed to your studies.

Regarding the content of your revision, the best thing to do is to find one of the tutors from your course - or any tutor in the faculty / department and discuss what revision you have been doing and maybe work on making a revision plan together. Tutors put many students through exams each year and it is in their best interests that you pass because good grades make the uni look good too.
Also, many tutors these days also care that their students do well too - so they won't just be helping you for selfish reasons.

Is there any counselling or support of any kind available at your university or in your area? I can appreciate that you are really struggling at the moment, so perhaps you need to speak to someone who can help you and offer ongoing support.

Have you considered seeing your doctor? They could possibly refer you for counselling if this cannot be done through your university and perhaps as a short-term measure to get you through your exams, they could give you some medication.

I know medication isn't ideal, but if you are feeling suicidal, then you really should consider it as you are experiencing extreme stress and you are suffering because of it.

You have to be careful with medication as it can affect concentration (although probably not as much as the huge amount of stress and anxiety you are experiencing) and can make you a little sleepy. As you need something that will start working relatively quickly, it might be worth trying oxazepam, or if that makes you too sleepy during the daytime, maybe alprazolam (Xanax). Obviously, I can only speak from my experience, you must seek the advice of a qualified medical professional.

Anti-depressants might be worth trying too, but they take a few weeks to work and you can also have side effects for the first few weeks, and as you need something that will start working pretty quickly because of your suicidal thoughts and exams, it is probably worth trying something else (e.g. the tranquillizers mentioned above) first.

But these are just suggesions - consult your doctor and he or she will be able to advise you as to what is suitable.

I wish you well, both with your exams and in all other areas of your life.

I have attempted suicide and used "suicidal plans" to deal with my feelings of anxiety and stress.Suicide was actually one of my main obsessions for years.It was a coping mechanism.

The thoughts about jumping in
front of a train,etc. are called "intrusive thoughts".They appear to come out of nowhere and do not indicate an actual plan to commit suicide....it's a passing thought....so let it pass.It is sort of a way for your brain...which is simply looking for an option to escape it's current stress....considering all the options.I think it "envisions" the "option" and the resulting pain of the choice,rules it out as a viable option,but every time it sees the trigger scene,reconsiders the option.

I know it is a little scary to even consider this as an option but I dont think you should really worry that you will act on these thoughts,(most AS people do not act spontaniously,I think we are planners....if you have ADD/ADHD,it would be more of a concern as they do act spontaneously at times).This is a very different process then making plans for suicide....buying any needed supplies,trying to think of the best time to do it,worrying about who will find the body,deciding to write or not write a suicide note(many suicides do not write notes...they figure,why bother,nobody cares what I think/feel).


I wish you good luck at Uni....."this to shall pass".I believe that every time you survive these stressful situations succesfully,it will get a little easier and you will have fewer intrussive thoughts.Sometimes it helps to talk back to your thoughts....Just say......."nope,thats not an option....whats your next option"...I thin it helps me.(then again,I am a bit of a freak.. )

I have had "intrusive thoughts" for 13 years. I placed myself in a psychiatric facility at one point and was told that if I didn't want to die I wouldn't. The sudden thoughts about killing myself were a form of anxiety attack. I did take an anti-depressant for 9 months and then did not need them. I now know that when the feeling hits I need to relax, talk to someone and think about what I can change in my life to deal better. And I would get anti-depressants again if the thoughts became more than I could handle. Not all anti-depressants are bad and they are not a crutch or a cop-out. They have saved many lives.

Thank you for the replies.

I think I'm a bit more dedicated than I was as an undergraduate, I'm definitely not a slacker and I've gotten all my assignments in on time. Even though my grades from this year don't count towards my final mark next year I don't want poor ones now as I think they'll reflect badly on me. I have a personal tutor who has helped some of my classmates at difficult times or when their grandparents have died, things like that. I've only met her once and she knows about my AS, she is also my course director. I think talking to her would be hard. I meet an occupational therapist on a weekly basis (again she knows of my AS and helps me with study timetables, activities of daily living etc, she is great and is very supportive. I have told her about the thoughts (via email with an interesting and somewhat different reply), I am meeting her at 5pm this Thursday which will be good and productive but sometimes when I leave her office I feel bad almost straight afterwards.

Yes, I have counselling on the 17th of this Monday which is a few days before my first exam. I get along OK with the counsellor but I find it difficult to raise the topic of suicide. I was considering making an emergency appointment for today but I didn't. It was easier with the counsellor I was with when I was an undergraduate. This kinda stuff isn't particularly new to me as my mental health has been a bit flakey for the past couple of years but I've asked for help when I needed it. I've avoided medication as I don't think it would be my thing, yes I've had some pretty bad times but I've always wanted to stay away from meds, I don't want to be a zombie though I know that's a little over the top. I've never really seen myself as depressed I was even a little taken a back when the psychologist who diagnosed me with AS mentioned it. My main problem for about 2 years was cutting myself on a regular basis and from time to time felt suicidal. I probably have experienced periods of depression, definitely anxiety and stress. I wouldn't wish low mood on anyone though, it's awful. I no longer cut myself and haven't done so in about 18 months.

I wouldn't say these thoughts have come out of nowhere, I hope they are passing though. I have never made a suicide plan, started giving away possessions or things like that.

I just worry I haven't studied enough to cover what may come up on the exam papers.

Congratulations on stopping the cutting.I did so for 10 years and it is a difficult "habit/coping tool" to give up for many people.

I personally find it difficult to differentiate between anxiety and depression....I think they have a lot of over lap in "symptoms" and ASers are not known for their ability to recognize their own feelings.Certainly true for me....when told by professionals that I was depressed,I decided that it mst be the correct term for sleeping alot,inability to concintrate,suicidal thinking,avoidance of people,intrussive thinking,dissociation feelings.....which also fall under traits exhibited by people with AS and anxiety.

I dont really think that people with AS fall under the neat labels designed by and for NT's.A complex issue I could write a book about(but will spare you,as I am developing ToM and realize not every one needs to hear about every thought I have... )

I am glad you have a good support group,I hope you wont be shy about using them(always a problem for me,asking for help).

Thank you.

I think it can be difficult to distinguish between anxiety and depression though I am now a lot more self-aware than I used to be, even the psychologist noted this with respect to my self reported insights into my AS. Breathing exercises do help me but I often forget them and probably don't do them with any great consistency to have sufficient impact in the long term.

Another great concern for me is my research proposal (plus ethics) which is eating into my study time and quite frankly doing my head in. I'm going to email my occupational therapist again tonight and mention how I've been feeling.

I'm sure there's a book in many of us, krex.