Another Year Older and Deeper in Debt

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Yesterday was my birthday. Now I'm 29. Just one year from 30. Why does that sound so awful? There's nothing shameful about being 29 or 39 or 59 because every goes through those ages so long as they don't die young. Why fear getting older when it happens to us all?

It's not the that scares me. It's the ever-widening achievement gap. The older I get, the wider it gets. How can I catch up when I'm going slower than them?

I'm serious. The thought of being 29 while having the achievements of a 19 year old scares the crap out of me. That's why I don't like getting older.

I had a cake at work, it made me feel sick because it was too rich. The sugar dump made me feel very light headed and lethargic. I shouldn't eat sugar. It's bad for me. It will make me fat. It might even give me metabolic syndrome.

After lunch I overheard the top performers on my team talk about how they just did the practice exam for . I've been studying this too and I find it quite difficult. I overheard one of them say he got a low pass but " get degrees as we used to say in university". I wouldn't know. I've never been. I'm unworthy to set foot in such an institution.

My time for will come but they're only doing 3 at a time and they let those 3 do it first because they're so very smart, unlike me.

All in all it was a good day at work, then came dinner with my family. One of the first to show up was my evil aunt and uncle. They brought with them the eldest of their two evil daughters (the wicked sisters).

Why are they wicked? Because they're bad and misbehaved? No. They're perfect. Literally perfect. They make Jesus Christ look like an underachiever.

The younger of the wicked sisters managed to be even more wicked in her absence than if she had shown up.

Why didn't she show up? Because she's working at McDonald's tonight. She's 14 and she works at McDonald's. I got my first job when I was 22.

It was a Friday night, when I was 14 I did one of two things on Friday night. 1) Homework 2) resting. she doesn't require rest. Even when she's doing 4 hours at McDonald's after school she still finds time to do her homework and her violin practice. Where does she find the time? Doesn't she sleep? Does she enjoy having zero free time? Maybe for evil auntie and the wicked sisters, having free time is a sign of weakness.

The elder wicked sister is in between jobs now but for a short time she was doing 12 hours on Saturday and 12 hours on Sunday (plus commuting time) while doing school and homework and extra subjects on weekdays. Oh, and they both get straight As of course.

I felt terrible about my pathetic requirement for rest and free time. And at 14 and 16 respectively, they're both more mature than I am at 29. They're both much better than I am and they both have a much better work ethic than I do.

Evil auntie explained how employers love young recruits who've already worked at McDonald's. She explained how the at McDonald's have to self- their own shifts via group. Heck, it sounds like the McDonald's workers are expected to be more self- than I am at my real adult job. And they have to juggle school and homework at the same time whereas my job doesn't have to be combined with other tasks in that way.

Well no wonder I had a hard time getting a job in my 20s, because I didn't have an after school job. Evil auntie explained how the elder wicked sister applied for 25 jobs yesterday. I can tell you I never applied for that many jobs in one day. Ain't I a stinker?

So I stopped listening to evil auntie boast about her perfectionist daughters and fumed in silence for a while as I about blowing up the Earth and all the horrible overachievers who live on it.

Mum mentioned something about how I'm always asking about her life insurance and I said in a leaden voice it's "because I value money more than I value your life". Evil auntie said "nice". I guess I don't blame her for her sarcasm. It was a pretty immature for me to say. But since I'm already less mature than her 14 year daughter what choice do I have but to be immature? Like Aesop said, the Scorpion can't act against his nature. The scorpion must sting the frog, even if it downs both of them.

I don't actually like my mother very much. She's lazy. From her I laziness. Evil auntie has drawn up detailed plans for how her elder daughter can her chosen career as a . I didn't get any regarding education from dear old mum because she dropped out of school in year 10. Mum knows as much about the university admissions system as I know about cooking (nothing).

I went back to my sulking until I overheard evil auntie mention the elder wicked sister is going to Cambodia for three weeks in December. At first I thought this was nothing unusual. Being a wealthy family, they've taken family outside of the country more times than I've been on trips outside of the state. But the unusual thing about this was that she was going without her family. I asked if she was going to Cambodia by herself. No, as it turned out. She's going to Cambodia for a school field trip.

Damn. That's what going to the rich kids school gets you. I went to a public school. Not just any public school but a public school in one of the poorest . It was even worse than a public school in a middle-class . As I said, my lazy mother didn't help me explain the university entrance criteria but neither did the teachers at my school. Isn't it their job? I didn't find out which subjects were approved until after I graduated because they didn't mention a single time. They did mention about getting a high school diploma (known locally as ). They mentioned that a lot. I think they had a minimum quota to fulfil for but not a quote for . is useless. It's nothing but a piece of laminated paper. It doesn't get you admission to any institutions of higher learning.

If only I hadn't been so lazy then I could now have a university degree like a real adult. Then I could be equal to my relatives.

If only my mother hadn't been so poor and lazy and unemployed then she could have afforded to live in a with decent schools. She's never worked a day in her life. She said "single mothers can't have a job". No I know that being a single parent is hard. But I know several single mothers who work full time. I even know a woman who worked her way through university while she was single parent to a toddler. Because of this my mother is left without excuse.

The awful thing is that I take after her. The difference between her and I is that I have enough self-awareness to this is a bad thing. Her? Let's say that for her, ignorance is bliss.

I felt pretty low so I thought I'd chat do a different cousin. One who was raised by a less pair of parents (Yes a pair, I was the only one unfortunate enough to be raised by a single parent. Single parents are bad for kids. I know this from experience).

Now this cousin is a really nice guy. He's never said a disparaging word against anyone. His parents are really mellow (all well educated, out of my mother, her brothers and sister and her brother-in-law and sisters-in-law, she's the only one who never got a university degree. Out of my cousins, I'm the only one over 18 who's not doing doing or completed a university degree).

Anyway, he's a really nice guy and very successful. He graduated in engineering and now he gets paid a lot. I said to the two of them -

I don't really enjoy my free time because all the while I think I should be working on something to improve myself instead of browsing the web. There's no such thing as free time, you always have to pay for it somehow. Anytime I spend watching cat videos is time I spent studying.

I said "By my age I thought I would have achieved more". "What do you want to achieve?" she asked. Oh God. I hadn't thought this far ahead. It's not that I didn't know the answer, I just wasn't sure how much I was prepared to reveal. I chose a goal at random, slightly . I said "By my age I thought I would have had a master's degree". She said "Why stop at a master's degree when you could get a PhD? I've got one". Oh Gods! I knew the had a bachelor of social working, I didn't know she had a PhD of social working as well. are quite difficult according to my couch who holds a PhD in sports science. I don't think I'll ever be smart enough to get a PhD if I live to be a million years old. To be honest I'd be happy with a bachelor's degree, so that way I could at least be up to the level of a normal adult (I should have said that to her).

And my other concerns where how I didn't get my first job while I was 15 or 16 (like Cousin Flanders, his wife, and the wicked sisters, and both of their parents, my grandfather and most of the people at the table did). How shameful that they had their first job at 15 or 16 (14 in the case of the wicked sisters) and I didn't get my first job until the ripe old age of 22 (I mentioned that to her while I had the chance).

I didn't dare mention that my first job paid less than minimum wage due to a legal loophole. My 14 year old cousin (the younger wicked sister) gets paid more than I did when I was 22 (if you don't count what I got from ). I also should have mentioned that at work I feel very that my colleagues get more test cases done per day than me, and I don't mean a bit more, I mean three or four times as many (that's on a normal length day, not a day when they do OT). Isn't it shameful that I finish the day a quarter as much work. (I mentioned that to her while I had the chance but I didn't think of it at the time).

She said the jokes I tell are hilarious. I like telling jokes because jokes allow me to say what I want to say without really saying it. Only the jester gets away with insulting the king. Maybe I should speak my mind more directly but jokes soften the blow of describing my shameful, lazy life.

I didn't dare mention my girl troubles to Cousin Flanders and his wife because they both got married young. I didn't dare mention I was older when I had my first girlfriend than he was when he got married. I've never told them about my girl troubles because it's better for them to think I'm not into girls. It's better for them to think I'm an asexual than think that I want to be with a girl but I can't because then they would see me as truly needy.

Maybe I could get another girlfriend but what good what good would that do me when everyone else has one when they're 20 years old and I'm nearly 30. At least next won't be my first girlfriend (that would be very shameful) but it still seems like a hollow achievement that I had my first girlfriend a decade later than everyone else, like at that age it no longer seems worth mentioning. It would be like if I ran a race and took more than twice as long as everyone else, I would not be proud of finishing (the same metaphor applies to graduating uni at 30-something). And the other thing about dating at 29 is dating girls my own age, not those cute 22 year . I guess it's too late for that, done that when I was 22.

She said I was doing due to my job (I guess it's ) and she said "you're obviously quite intelligent". What? I don't think of myself as "quite intelligent". I think of myself as quite immature and a very poor student. I don't even have a bachelor's degree like a normal adult. What if she's right?

She asked me why I needed a master's degree. I said it was to compete against other people who have one. She said they cost $20,000. I said then it could be a form of consumption, like going on holiday. She said holidays are really good. I wouldn't know, I've never been on one (not a proper one, domestic trips don't count, I've never left the country). In spite of their young age Cousin Flanders and his wife have travelled all over the world. They can afford it because they're . If I had enough money to go on holiday I'd use it to pay of my credit cards instead. I don't have anyone to go with at the moment and when and other suggested it to me I resisted because I was horrified at the thought of spending thousands of dollars on something that only lasts for a week.

I could have mentioned how shameful it is that at 29 I don't yet own a house but neither do Cousin Flanders and his wife (about the only thing those two overachievers haven't achieved). I should have just told the truth but I felt I had to hide behind subterfuge. Just hint at what I wanted to say. She asked me if I had a bachelor's degree. I said I didn't. She said I'd probably need that before getting a master's (true). I said I couldn't even get that, couldn't get into university to begin with due to not having an . She said I didn't need one because I'm a "mature age student" Really? I didn't know that.

The words "mature age student" rang in my ears with a leaden weight. I didn't want to be "mature age". I didn't want to be one of those elderly underachievers who are cut off from the campus social scene due to being a decade older than the young socialites. I didn't want to be cut off from the campus dating scene due to being a creepy old in his 30's who likes college girls. I didn't want to do at 33 what normal people do at 22. How shameful. She said one of her colleague's was doing her master's at 22. Isn't that good? ( on ).

I said the trouble with me going to university was that I'd have to quit my job... probably. I mentioned that I could attempt to do university while working full time, which would have both advantages and disadvantages. The disadvantage was that I may die from and the advantage was that after I pulled it off I'd have massive boasting rights (if I survived). She said this was a good point.

One of the girls at work did a double major while working full time and I'm totally impressed by that. She said it was very for her. She's so lucky. I would rather be exhausted than and her accomplishments are very great indeed. However, her job packing boxes had flexible hours. This enabled her to work 60 hours per week on nights and weekends and still attend class during the daytime. My 9 - 5 job wouldn't allow me to do that and I don't want to study because that's not proper study.

I mentioned how it was that some people inherit a lot of money and she agreed with me. She said she was very of one of her who inherited half a million dollars. I said I was even more of self-made millionaires. I said I could be one if only I wasn't so lazy. (I mentioned I'd be happy enough to be self-made middle class).

That night I thought about what she said. "You're obviously quite intelligent". Really? I didn't feel quite intelligent. I felt like an buffoon. But what if she was right? She had a PhD yet she had trouble reading time from an analogue clock. The elder of the wicked sisters got straight As and took extra classes yet I overheard her say "What's Alcatraz?" Really? I knew at half her age (because Channel 9 used to play Escape from Alcatraz on occasion). How can really high achieving people have such big gaps in their general ? Is it because they study 'round the clock so they don't have time to learn anything that's not on their narrow curriculum? I used to watch The History Channel for fun yet the wicked sisters wouldn't have time with their jobs and their extra classes and their violin lessons. Anyway, they can't watch The History Channel because they don't even have cable (even though their family is upper upper upper middle class). Anyway, nowadays The History Channel is rubbish. It used to be really good but nowadays they say like "aliens built the ".

I should have told her that the only reason I applied for my current job was so I could feel a bit more like an adult (and impress girls). I should have told her that I didn't even need the money, I just wanted to have a "real job" like "real adults". I guess it's an improvement but it's only software testing, not and they haven't even let me do any overtime! How can I compete with the workaholics if I'm only doing 8 hours per day?

I don't know if I'll ever be able to get an education an adult. I have a high school diploma but school is for kids, university is for adults (anyway, I don't think failing every class in year 11 and getting a C average in year 12 counts for much). I don't know if I'd even want to go to university because being a "mature age student" sounds like the most awful fate. I'd be socially on campus and I'd spend the whole time fuming about how the 18 year old undergrads are more mature than I am because they can do at 18 what I could do at 30-something.

I don't need a degree for my current position and if I got one there's no I'd get a promotion (since there are IT grads who hold the same position as me at work). Maybe instead of collecting degrees I should try to do something that uses my unique talents (after I figure out what my talents actually are). Maybe I should think of some other goal, but what? Not having a goal makes me feel very apathetic, I don't like that. Apathy is another face of depression just like is. I should be passionate about something.

I don't know if I'll ever learn to be content with what I have (educationally, career-wise, etc). That sounds like an excuse for laziness and I'm sure my workaholic cousins wouldn't use such an excuse.

In a way, you referenced a song called "Sixteen Tons."

About a bunch of workers who become "deeper in debt" to the "company store." (These workers worked in camps built by their employers.

Yep...I'm 55, and I'm deep in debt right now LOL

That was intentional lol

LOL How in the heck does a 29-year-old Aussie know an American song from the 1950s which was supposed to be the antithesis of Rock and Roll (though it really wasn't!)?

The singer, Tennessee Ernie Ford, was a famous entertainer in those days.

I heard it on TV.

It's really a fantastic song, a gigantic hit at that time.

It got lost in the shuffle because of the advent of Rock and Roll. It was seen, quite erroneously, as a song which illustrated all the so-called "corniness" of the non rock and roll songs of that era.

People should have read their history!

My aunt expects me to achieve all that her brillient daughters do. Yet they go to a very expensive school. Field trip to Cambodia? I went on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant. Twice. You know what offended me most about that? It was the noxious smell, it was the fact that we went to the same place twice.

How are we supposed to be learning new things by going to the same place? It was the same with much of the curriculum. Year 7 was just year 6 repeated again. Why? Were the teachers to lazy to come up with a different lesson plan?

I bet the teachers in the private school aren't lazy. I know a guy at work who went to private school. He said he did HTML in school. I told him I was surprised he had HTML in high school. He told me he didn't do it in high school, he did it primary school.

So a subject my school considered too advance for any students even when they were in the final year of high school, he was learning it in primary school.

When I was in primary school I was bored by the very basic subject matter. It was all too easy. When I was in high school I was stressing out because I couldn't understand the material. It's like they suddenly went from very easy to very hard. Maybe it would have been better if they ramped up the difficulty gradually. Maybe they could have ramped up more gradually if they hadn't wasted time teaching us the exact same material in different years.

I resent children because I know they're getting a better education than me.

The wicked sisters did but they will be judged on the same level as me. Our equality that society gave us equal opportunities, our equality is that society will always judge us on an equal scale.

I even judge myself on an equal scale.

I tried to chat up a young woman last night. She spent most of the time talking about her various holidays. She sounded so dissapointed that I had never left the country. It's been that way with a lot of girls. Young people are supposed to travel all around the world and then they get dissapointed when I don't.

I hate travel. It makes me feel really stressed. But I suppose I should go on some grand tour of Europe just so girls will think I'm like them.

I can't afford to go to Europe anyway. Maybe that's why girls like guys who travel. Because it's a sign of wealth. When I tell a girl I've never been outside of the country, that's tantamount to saying I'm poor.

Then perhaps it's a good thing that she was disappointed. You would probably disappoint her sooner or later. And even if you were wealthy, would you really want to be with a person who is with you because of your money?

That song talked about the coal mining camps in West Virginia (US state). The miners lived in towns built by the mining company. They didn't own their houses, they rented them. They were often paid in "scrip", paper money that could only be spent in the company town at company owned stores. The mines were extremely dangerous, and miners were constantly getting buried alive. The miners basically had no chance of getting ahead in life. Eventually, miner unions were formed, such as the United Mine Workers. Another union was the Western Federation of Miners, which organized in the gold and silver mines in Nevada.

If any Americans here ever get a chance to visit an old company town, do so. I've been to Weed, California, an old lumber town. Weed was named after the lumber baron who realized that the site would make an excellent sawmill due to constant dry winds, which dried cut lumber faster. Today, it's mostly known for its name, which in the US is slang for cannabis. There's a "Weed Store" which sells T shirts and other souvenirs which make suggestive use of the town name.

Other than that, most travelers on Interstate 5 don't even think of stopping there, much less traveling the back streets. I have. The houses are very simple and each street has the same style of house, although house style varies from street to street. No yards, no garages. No curbs/sidewalks, either, except on Main Street and Weed Blvd (the old highway that was bypassed by the freeway). The abandoned sawmill is at what was originally the edge of town. There's a newer mill, which makes mulch and a little plywood, but it doesn't employ nearly the number of people that the old mill once did.

Just like me. I have to rent because I'm too poor to buy a house.I can relate. At work I'm in danger of developing RSI from using the mouse or carpal tunnel syndrome. I could get back problems from sitting in a chair all day or vision problems from staring at both monitors all day or I could get heart disease from having a sedentary occupation. They should be paying me danger money.Sounds like the lower-middle class suburb I live in. There are many parallels. I almost feel as though Sixteen Tons was written about me.