I am a compulsive procrastinator.

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There is so much I want to do with my life, yet I keep putting off being productive. I now realize that procrastination in itself is compulsive for me, and that I need to figure out how to snap the f**k out of this horrible pattern. My employment is at risk because I am a compulsive procrastinator.

This is an addiction, one that is self-sabotaging and one that contradicts what I want for myself in my life. It makes no sense whatsoever.

such has been a similar difficulty for me for quite awhile. to me, it's hard to get anything done that isn't mere task mastery since there are no others that share my vision/goals to share growth or victories with. it's like, the only way anything gets done toward my goals while on my own is if moving the goal close enough to stumble through, and make tons of tiny goals in such a manner as if focusing on solitary steps along a long journey rather than dare focus on the end goal destinations that are nowhere near being in sight.

my desk is covered in many books/studies that have no reason to have gone unread for so long by now... it'll probably only get smaller if choosing one to finish reading at a time, and putting all the others out of sight. the conviction of having so many heavy things stare me down at once seems counterproductive, as the weight looks too heavy to my tired burnt out eyes, and everything just gets put off for another day.

Yes....I procrastinate, too.

It took me three whole minutes to write this! LOL

Seriously....when I was in college, I was forced to pull all-nights because of my extreme procrastination.

I procrastinate a lot, too, especially when I have to communicate with people. It gets worse when I'm stressed or depressed. I've realized recently that I cope with stress by avoiding the thing that's stressing me out, which leads to procrastination. But then I get more stressed because the thing I've been avoiding is getting closer to being due, which makes me retreat more... until I reach a crisis point where I finish it at the last minute, or give up and don't finish it at all. It's a pattern that's become a bad habit.

I haven't figured out how to break out of the pattern yet; I feel like I've just been muddling through what I have to do. I used to stay up all night trying to force myself to work on an assignment, but would just sit doing nothing until I fell asleep. Then I realized that it was better to get a good night's sleep and turn in the assignment late than spend all night worrying and not finish the assignment anyways due to being sleep deprived.

My employment is already at risk, yet I called in sick just so I could stay home and get stoned.

I am an addict. There is no denying that at this point. I know exactly what I need to do to build myself up. Yet I hesitate, and the hesitation is compulsive.

I am such a f**kup.

We all fail at times. The secret is to get up again and keep aiming at the goal. Many people feel like they've f*cked up and that includes myself. I haven't achieved what I want to yet but keep trying despite the stumbles.

The main thing is you admit to being an addict and you want to change. Many people don't. Nor do they admit to their problem.

You've come a long way already. Strength of mind is like running a marathon. You feel at times your legs will never make it to the crest of the next hill but yet they do.

Be strong, buddy!

I recommend getting a calendar, and writing down what you want to accomplish on what day and time. You may be surprised at how effective it is.