Wounded and confused

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I really wish i was dead I want to just die. All I do is hurt the people I care about because I am so insecure and cant figure anything out or understand people in general. I was especially wounded now when my stepdad ignored me and wanted to leave the house as soon as possible to avoid me. And this happened after we recently hung out for the first time in a really long time (this meant a lot because I never get to talk to my father or have a decent relationship with him because he is abusive). I feel a lot of huge burdens in general and so I find it hard to enjoy people. People are confusing
In short i feel like all my efforts to make things better at home and everywhere else go to s**t and just make things worse and bring more pain to other people. People avoid me at college and at work at the Home Depot because of the attitude I learned to have through the years that is so hard to let go of and trust anyone. Im such a pain in the ass. All my life I just went with the flow and had no direction. I feel completely worthless and out of control. Someone help please

Welcome to WP.
I have found a lot of support here as well as distraction to the problems trying to function in an NT world.
Hang on, keep breathing, things will change.
Here is a hug for now *hug*

My father left me...it hurts when they leave and ignore you because of whom they think you are, when reality is completely different.

If I could give you words that would help you; I'd publish a book and give them to the world as a gift, and you'd be the first one to receive a copy....

We get by, we think that we don't...but we do.

(Ask a specific question if you'd like a specific answer; I'm unable to answer an open question.)

What are you studying at college? What are your interests?

You sound like a pretty great person to me. You're going to college, you have a job, you're concerned with other people -- do you realize how few people in this world are doing as much as you're doing? Not many of us are successful in all aspects of life. I'm an NT mother of two aspie sons, and I'm feeling like I'm pretty much useless at everything right now. But I keep telling myself, over, and over, and over again, that there are some things I'm good at, and the other things I'm trying as hard as I can. That's good enough.

Maybe your stepfather is not the person to develop a relationship with right now. This may not be the case forever, but for right now, I would just concentrate on yourself, and trying to get YOU to where you feel good about life. This may or may not include finding other people with aspergers to socialize with, or just finding other people with your same interests or career goals.

I'm glad you're on WrongPlanet -- we need people like you.

Kris

Try figuring out what you like and try thinking about the good things in your life. I suggest you see a therapist (and don't take it as an insult, therapists solve a lot of problems. I even have one). Try going on Wrong Planet a lot too. That also helps.