Well, I started vomiting blood at 2AM this morning.

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I drank a fifth of rum yesterday afternoon. I started drinking at 1pm and I finished the bottle off at 8pm. I do not want to know how many calories was in there, since I was mixing it with Coke.

I know what needs to be done. I need to stop drinking altogether, for the rest of my life. I need to find other ways to alleviate my pervasive loneliness. It sucks that I had to give up going to most of the meetings I used to attend solely because I no longer have rides to and from those meetings. It also sucks that most weekends, I spend completely alone, in my apartment, since all of my friends have families that take up their time on the weekends, and I have nobody to turn to at all.

I am tired of living like this. So very tired.

well then it might be a good idea to go to the hospital as I am pretty sure vomiting blood after drinking is a very bad sign.

Depending on how long you've been drinking it could be an ulcer which if bleeding enough it could lower your hemoglobin enough that it could kill you or if could be esophageal varies which if they rupture can kill you.

it sounds rather serious to me.
as the nurse said, abdominal or esophageal varices are quite a precarious situation to have.
you say you are 37.
look up liver disease.
anyway, specifically, alimentary varices appear late in liver disease and jaundice usually precedes it.

so do you have ascites? that is a large looking gut in proportion to the rest of your body type?
do you have swollen ankles?
are the whites of your eyes off color (not necessarily yellow but getting there)?
pull the lower eye lid down and look at the white of your eye by looking upward and into a mirror that you hold in a position to see it.
does it look yellow or even brown?

does your urine (wee into a clear container) look dark brown?

is your fecal matter you dispense into the toilet unusually light in color?

the reason i ask this is that portal hypertension can cause constriction on the bilirubin being intoduced into the intestines for flushing (bilirubin is the reason that poo is brown) due to bile duct compromization.

excess bilirubin will collect in your blood and your kidneys will remove some of it (coca cola coloured wee) but they can not process it and your skin will turn yellow. not just the whites of your eyes.
also your gums and eventually all of your body.

jaundice also causes insane itching i read.

if you develop the quite end stage condition of having alimentary varices (and ascites), then it is time to stop drinking now. you just got to do something else.
look for other people who are also trying to save their lives by giving up alcohol and rejoice in bitching with each other about how hard it is.
but if it is a peptic ulcer, then you may have helicobacter pylori or however it's spelled infecting your guts.

whatever just stop drinking or you will die an early death.

First off, stop drinking, as it's literally killing you. Besides, it's not the solution to any problems.
Secondly, since you are feeling cut off from friends and family, and don't have easy transportation available, join some online communities, such as those connected with your interests, and of course, spend more time here at WP.
Third, as another poster suggested, take walks when you are feeling low. Moderate exercise is good for you, and can boost your mood, too.
Fourth, try to eat healthy meals, and get plenty of sleep, as these are also good for your health, and can improve your mood.

Hope this helps!

Alcohol is one of my most pervasive demons.

I love it. I hate it.

And it will be the end of me if I do not stop dancing with it.

I am thinking that I should swallow my pride and enter outpatient treatment at this point. Because of my speech impediment, I do not fit in very well at AA, as it is hard to find recovery in rooms where most people are quick to leap to the false conclusion that I am living with intellectual disabilities.

My psychiatrist also just gave me a prescription to help with the pervasive physical cravings.

And my therapist made an ultimatum for me - if I am not willing to stop drinking, he just might stop being willing to work with me.

I really f****d up big time. I get it.

Celebrate Recovery is a place for all hurts habits & Hangups.

Besides drinking bulimia can cause bleeding. Not saying that is you just mentioning it.

Some get to a jumping off place
Can't drink and can't stop drinking.
A new lifestyle including coming to face the good the bad and the ugly is part of short and long term recovering

Hope is important.
Sometimes you have to believe others before you believe yourself.
Learning to trust can be hard as
getting real and down to causes and conditions.

One day at a time is sometime too long. Sometimes it's less than an hour.

No, I have none of those symptoms listed.

I have not had a drink since Monday. One second at a time.

Booze is the only vice I do these days, not to any notable excess but even a moderate amount of booze is something to keep an eye on, I try to keep myself healthy outside of that and since I'm very intrigued by all the ways which one can perish or become tangled in peril, I am naturally quite clued up on the concept of drinking yourself to oblivion. How much do you drink a day/week, how long have you been drinking this amount and has it escalated? Do you take care of yourself and have a good diet and exercise routine? Any other health complications? Do you take any other substance, prescribed or otherwise alongside the alcohol? Vomiting up blood is a pretty radical reaction for the body to conjure up, I would certainly visit a doctor and tell them straight that this occurred in a period where you've been taking onboard a lot of drink.