Brave new world - not?

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I'm moving in a few weeks. And everything will be different, right? Nobody will think I'm weird, people won't avoid me, or pick on me, or scapegoat me. Right? Wrong.

I thought that by now, I would be Dx'd and have an occupational therapist, and be on the way to being relaxed *and* socially acceptable. But that didn't happen. I'm eight months on the waiting list for Dx, and counting.

History: I'm faceblind. This is a family neighbourhood. I went out 4x/day with dawg. And I made the children cry, apparently, by ignoring them and turning away from them when they wanted to approach the dog. I turn away from everybody before I see their faces, because it'll only be worse if I look at them and don't know them.

One day, walking dawg, I hear a little girl yelling. Not my problem. Wrong. After a while I look up and see that the little girl is facing me, yelling through a rolled up magazine (cum megaphone) "How can you walk right past people you don't know and not say hello?" This must be the tenth time she yells it, right at me. I was humiliated and tried to get away, but dawg chose that moment to poop so I had to stay. I couldn't anwswer to save my life, I was totally mute.

After that, the mothers and the grandmothers ganged up on me. They took to standing in pairs and staring at me, then turning away. They'd walk past me, smiling at the one ahead and sliding glances at me, but refusing to speak. Did they think they were giving me a taste of my own medicine? But I don't have a choice!

To cut this short, I got a white cane from the Assn for the Blind. After the social worker there saw http://www.prosopagnosia.com and spoke to his wife who knows about that kind of thing, they agreed to sell me one cane, but not to make me a member because my vision is good.

So now I have a white cane to tell everybody I can't tell who they are. And now I can wear blue glasses day & night, to cut the glare. That should help.

But what about the neighbours? The folks that I can be charming to for a half an hour, who misunderstand when I need to be alone (most of the time) and refuse all their invitations? What'll I do about them?

I don't quite understand...these people seem nice-are you afraid of talking to them?

Arnt you glad they dont burn "whitchs" any more?We would be in alot of trouble.People fear,what they dont understand and most wouldnt understand AS even after you explain it.(I think they have some ToM issues.. )They also cant seem to grasp they we can have "high and low" functioning days.Some,I can be friendly and do small talk,some I cant...I cant predict with any regularity....they cant wrap their heads around this(which is absurd,as they have the same issues to lesser degrees).

Some people just love to have someone to mock and feel better then,no way to get around it,most people feel like crap about their own lives and need to feel superior to some one.Bullies dont grow up they just get older.If you can make some small connection with one person in a "neighborhood group"....there usually is one who is a "caretaker" and more empathetic....you can try and explain to them and they will share the info with others(love to gossip)and this may help a little?

I wish you luck.I have no iisue with just saying "hi" to people and moving on...I think I am considered shy and excentric but
at least not "rude".Keep practicing,some comprimises are needed to "get along" sometimes.

This will be a difficult solution, and will take work.

Smile at everyone. If someone waves, wave back. They may still think you're daft, but at least they won't think you're stuck up.


About the smiling, I practiced for two weeks straight before my face stopped hurting. Yes, it is a painful skill to learn, but it can be rewarding.

Thank heaven you answered, I feel so alone with this!

A lifetime (56yo) of bullying and even attacks on my life - and I thought I had it taped. This time would be different. But I can see it becoming exactly the same as when I was 5yo.

I've been reading Temple Grandin's "Emergence" and it depresses me even worse - what a mother she had! What schools she went to! What mentors she found! It's pretty clear I'm not going to Emerge at all.

Claradon this is a tough one , I am much the same although I don't go mute I just don't like to be stopped to talk to , and like you I have real trouble recognising familiar faces , I have found this is one place where my dog comes in handy. If there are people who you would like to be freinds with you can teach your dog to let you know when they are approaching or when they call your name . It's really usefull if you block everything out . I come across as rude and ignorant because I dont smile at people , I dont even look at them because that seems to be an open invitation to stop and chat , besides I've smiled at the wrong people before.

bb natty

Oh Claradoon, I do sympathise with you on this. I'm 'awkward' around people too, and never quite sure of how to react (and my instinctive response is always not to make eye contact or smile and walk away as quickly as possible)
I think when you move into a new area it's doubly difficult, because you're somewhere new you're maybe more AS-defensive, if I can put it that way?

I agree with Krex with the high and low-functioning days. It must be confusing for people when one day you can do 'friendly' and the next you'd rather be invisible. I'm like this and I think people think I'm 'stuck up' because sometimes I have to ignore them, if I'm not up to interracting at all.

Actually, I think the cane's a good idea. I wonder if it would help if you maybe find a friendly neighbour, perhaps make a joke about it 'oh I can hardly see the end of my nose' type of thing, and hope the message will spread around.

Try and walk confidently though, even if you don't feel particularly confident. It helps to give people the 'don't mess with me' message and hopefully put off any potential bullies.

It sounds like you have some friendly neighbours, which is a good thing. Maybe try a friendly but not over-friendly approach. So on the good days have a short chat then 'gotta go', and on bad days a quick 'good morning' and a wave? I wish you luck with it.

I don’t have to smile at anyone; I don’t have to talk to anyone; I don’t have to acknowledge anyone.

I don’t ask anyone to smile at me; I don’t ask anyone to talk to me; I don’t ask to be acknowledged.

Everything given is a gift -- nothing given doesn't equate to the deserving of derision; it's the middle ground, the normal state of existence.

When you move, why not post a letter/card through everyone's doors saying hello, and explaining your face blindness. You could ask them to introduce themselves every time they approach you. If someone approached you and said, 'Hello *your name*, it's *their name*," then maybe it would make it easier for you to socialise. And even if that doesn't happen at least they'd know that you're not just being rude if you do turn away or don't say hello.

Funnily enough I dislike rudeness, even though sometimes I don't realise I'm being rude when I do something or neglect to do something. So I can understand why you might not want people thinking you're rude, or might not want to gain negative attention through accidentally causing people to think you are rude.

If attempting to create understanding in your community doesn't help then at least you'll know you tried.

Then again perhaps the glasses and the stick will be enough to help you to avoid awkward situations.