Feeling like a Failure

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Do you find yourself feeling like you are way behind where you should be in life? Even if there is a light at the end of the tunnel does it feel like it's light years away for you and everything seems hopeless? I don't know what it is about me, but I continually encounter people who just assume I have some high-paying good job with benefits etc., when in reality, I am a former stay at home mother who has had to work in the sex trade just to avoid becoming a bag lady, and although I am in the process of upgrading my high school courses to apply to university, I feel like being in a successful career is a lifetime away and in the meantime I am doomed. The sheer irony of people assuming I am some well-off hot shot just irks me because it is so far from the truth, and I feel so defective that I have not been able to achieve that. Can anyone else relate to this discouraging feeling?

hang in there, crystal. you're on the right track.

Thanks, cathylynn. I hope I am, just seems a long time down the road and it is frustrating, but then I have to remind myself that I have a disability which I didn't ask for, so it isn't really my fault when the odds are stacked against me.

Oh yes!

Women my age are usually married with kids by now. Or married with a good job or juggling career and kids. Sometimes I feel like I'll never find a nice guy to marry. I don't want children but I want to find a sweet guy, but where & how to go about this when I either don't have the energy to socialize, or I have some energy but don't know where to meet people, puts me way behind...

Plus with my other physical limitations (CFS/fibro, POTS) I cannot even work part-time right now. I probably won't ever be able to work full-time even at a sit-down job, so there goes having a good career for me

Plus with having Asperger's I struggle alot with working with people.[/quote]


I understand your frustration, little blue jay. I have already done the married and kids thing, on my second husband now, but in spite of his problems don't really want to leave him because I doubt I would ever find another. My Asperger's has greatly limited my capacity for work as well, but I am still going to go back to school even at my age since the chances of me finding a regular job are next to nil I would think. It does help not being around negative people at least, those who continue to compare you to others and question why you are not like them, that's what I had to do.

I feel like a failure a lot, but pretty sure that is because I am one....Not so sure you are though, seems like you're just overwhelmed with a lot of difficulties and doing your best to get where you're trying to get, I mean at least it seems you have some idea of what direction to go in whereas I have no idea.

I feel you. There are certain areas of life (mainly relationships/affection sort of stuff) where I'm ridiculously far behind, and at this point I don't feel like I could ever catch up.

Perfect example: A couple years ago, I was working at an after-school drama program for middle school students. There was one boy who was a bit of a trouble maker but was still a decent kid, he definitely looked up to me. One day he took me aside to ask a personal question; it involved things he was doing with his girlfriend. I was 19, he was 12, and he was doing things I'd never even been close to. One of the single most belittling and emasculating experiences of my life.

Outside of that, my life has just gotten stagnant. I desperately need to find something to do, but I can't find any good options. Intellectually, I've pretty much accepted that I've failed as a person. Emotionally, it's devastating and I can't get past it. At this point, I doubt I can ever handle going back to school, which means I don't have any hope of a career...it just feels like I've lost.

I often feel I'm wired to feel that way, no matter what great achievement I get I always find a reason to make myself feel like a failure.

You say you worked in the sex trade. You ever get guys treating you like a dog?

I'm the opposite; I've been a customer to these sort of people and been treated like a dog, and yet I'm the punter. But oh well!

I guess at the end of the day, I knew what I was getting myself into. They care more about the money. Maybe I take it too personal that maybe they are just unhappy for a legit reason. I struggle to meet people so the few people in my life feel so important that if they are gone, it kind of feels like a divorce settlement. But I find paying for sex doesn't grant me any satisfaction. I want a real woman but I think I can only get with somebody similar to myself like with AS or another disability (I do not count AS as a full on disability - more like a different group of people). It can feel like NT people just would rather not know us. Or maybe they are too picky. I do find I gel better with non NT people.

OP, no-one who is on the spectrum and survives in this world is a failure. Quite the opposite: it took you courage, fortitude and strength of character to live through the times of desperation, misunderstanding from others, the particular loneliness that is typical of life on the spectrum. You are not a failure. Quite the opposite: You are a hero.

I could relate because of being behind in many aspects while growing up, and to an extent, now. Then again, when people think of you as useless, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.