The Sad Truth

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You know, we all know how tough times can get for us as an Aspie. Most of us feel like we just can't connect with people, and we try to avoid them. However, during the vast majority of my later youth, I felt pressured to push myself to be social with people. That ended up causing even more issues of a different kind, making women feel uncomfortable, that I just couldn't see were as bad of an issue as I became.

I went through a lot of depression as an adult, and I felt so obliged to be so open about my problems and how miserable I felt with fellow adults. However, I think you can all imagine how that got when it became frequent. As I began to get out of my depression for a time, I accepted that this is not the kind of stuff people want to hear, and I had very, very little to complain about anyway. However, I think back to that happy time in my life, and even then, a lot of what I talked about with friends were happy times in my own life, and my own interest. And I feel, though I really don't remember much issues from my friends about me talking about this, I do remember many of my friends seeming to respond well.

However, times have gotten really tough again lately, with issues such as money and family members' health, and I'm starting to feel the need, occasionally, to try to talk to friends about these things. While I feel I might have improved my social skills over the last few years on a few levels, and I did have what seemed to be a really good conversation with a woman suffering from depression the other day, I feel I have a lot more to work on.

However, I've learned that the sad truth about life is that it's obvious there aren't many people who care to hear about my own issues in life, since they have so many of their own, I'm not sure I'm all that convinced there are even that many Aspies out there who are really good at listening and comforting someone with the same diagnosis, based on what I've been reading about people on the Spectrum. However, I just feel that at times, when I am getting down and beginning to even think hopelessly about how tough times have gotten lately, there are times when I really can't think of any other way to deal with something than to try talking to a friend. I joined this forum with hopes to have someplace in a time like this to explain issues that are bothering me, and I'm still confident that this forum will make a difference in me.

However, what I feel I really need is someone who really understands me, and won't be judgmental, to be able to listen to each other. I would think Aspie would be the best person for this. While people like that in this world are definitely few and far in between, I'm optimistic that I'll meet someone like that.

Are you certain all of that is actually true? Me talking about "my own issues in life" is actually not helpful to me or to anyone else until someone has actually asked, so I have learned my "it's obvious" statements are prone to being results of skewed thinking.


We are certainly more likely to understand, and we are also more likely to have some helpful insights, suggestions or advice for each other.


None of that solves any problem other than as a temporary release from feelings of loneliness or isolation. Finding people who have actual solutions to share can be quite a challenge, but that is where I began at age 31 way back in '81 and before I ever even knew about my AS/HFA.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Well, you certainly have a lot more experience on this Earth than I do. Maybe the reason why people's responses haven't helped me in the past is because what you just said. So at least some people outside the spectrum may care more than I think. It may just be all the things I've been reading lately about Asperger's, as well as all the stressful issues I've been dealing with lately, that are making me feel like nobody cares, or doesn't understand me.



I have done my best to give personal experience to Aspies' issues on here I can relate to. As for me, some people seem to understand, but I just feel sometimes like some of the issues I describe, which aren't always typical of Aspies, or the way I put things occasionally that I don't give enough thought to, make me feel like there are a lot of people on this board who might not see how these can be traits of someone with Asperger's, based on the typical traits I've been reading, and just don't feel right about me, considering what I am describing in myself.


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You are very likely right, and a temporary release, now that I think about it, has basically has been the result of pretty much everytime I have gone to someone for help and anything positive has seemed to come out of it. However, I learned five years ago that I really need to be the one who needs to find ways to get out of my problems in life. I just wasn't prepared, though, for so many problems to come up over just a year and a half, virtually all of which I really can't see any logical ways of making better, because of my lack of success my illness has caused. So I've conditioned myself to think the only thing I can really do right now is try to find people who are comfortable listening and talking about each other's difficulties in life, and at the same time, trying to share my experiences with others in need. That is why I joined this board. However, as you say, that might not be the best move for me right now, though I can't imagine what else would be, as far as what I am able to do.

Although I typically avoid narration (commentary or explanation) along with my own stuff, please know I do not mean to sound scolding when I suggest no longer blaming our "illness" (if it even actually is one) for anything. My being different does not mean I am ill...and I defy anyone to prove otherwise.

Yes, we must find ways to break free of or to at least diminish our struggles in life, and I am hoping it might be obvious to you that I have already begun sharing some of how I do that. I still have plenty of struggles (both emotional and intellectual) and now even some new ones (caused by and/or related to terminal cancer), and I do occasionally enjoy a bit of "talk therapy" with people who have let me know they actually want to hear my stuff. Everyone in the water when the Titanic went down could easily do that, of course, but finding a way to live in spite of their sharing a common peril (and even in spite of it being a result of the thoughtlessness of someone else) is an entirely different matter.

It is certainly a positive thing you are sharing how to deal with struggles in life, and I feel your advice is going to be a help to me and many others.

That would be a conclusion of the mind or intellect, not the emotions. Do not look for all good things to feel good, and do not let Mr./Ms. Emotions do your thinking.

As an aside: I just noticed we are neighbors! My wife and I are in Minden.

That is great! I seriously doubted there was anyone on here that lived closed to me.

I am more than twice your age at 67 and I talk funny because we came here from northern Indiana just a few years ago, but send me a PM if you might ever want my phone number or even to meet somewhere...and of course, no obligation of any kind, not ever. I survive by just being myself and letting other people decide whatever they might wish about me, and I give most everyone else (other than cops, nurses and store clerks) the same kind of space.

Thanks...I'm at a tough time right now with personal transportation, since I don't have a car, but I'll consider that in the future.