Past, present and future

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I need to learn how to focus on the moment. I spend too much time focusing on the past and the future. I focus on the past because of my lack of achievement there. Didn't get good grades, didn't go to uni, didn't get a girlfriend at the normal age, etc.

I focus on the future by planning for the future. I think if I work harder and don't spend any money I can save. Save for a house, save for retirement. Don't spend any money, it must be saved, don't enjoy my time, it must be spent on useful activities. After work I must do more study, more housework, etc

The trouble is, I focus on the future too much as a destination. So much so that I can't enjoy getting there. For my future to be my destination is fine but not if I'm unable to enjoy the journey there, to enjoy the little moments between now and then.

I feel like I can't enjoy those moments because they're marred by my failure past. Every time I start enjoying something I remember what a failure I am. How can I focus on enjoying the moment?

I'm not sure if this would work for you, but I find it helpful to not think too much about the bigger picture and just focus on the smaller things. But I'm a huge multi-tasker, and take on several things at once this way. If you're not good at multi-tasking you may just do one thing at a time.

So for example, when I get done with work, I do a few of the chores I need to do -

put away the coats/sweaters/shoes that are just lying around;
clean the cat boxes;
do any dishes in the sink;
just in general tidy up, nothing huge. Run the vaccuum if it's dusty.

That takes about a half hour, 45 minutes at most.

Then I either get some exercise at the gym or go for a walk if possible. That's an hour.

Get some dinner

After dinner, go over any mail I have gotten, check my bank account to make sure it's where it should be.

Then the evening is mine to do what I want.

I break up the big stuff into little pieces. And I do NOT procrastinate. If something comes up, I do it NOW. That way it's done and I don't have to think about it again.

I also keep a daily calendar of important items, like maybe doctor or dentist appointments, and check it daily.

When I do things like this it gives me a feeling of being more in control of my life and eases my anxiety. When I let things go, I just worry about them. When I'm not worrying about them, I am free to do other things and my stress is a lot less.

Make peace with your past, it cant be undone, it just is.

Let go of your predetermined milestones for your future, life can change, or just end.

Both need your long term effort, practicing both each day.

Im not saying be aimless, but focus less on things you cant control. Pouring your heart and soul into something does not mean that you will make it happen. Life is too short to wish it away, waste energy, or to wait to really live it.

Really....the past is the past.

You're building your future.

Think of the mistakes of the past as an impetus for you to improve.

Exactly what everyone else has said and to add to my post: quit worrying about what has already happened. You can't change that. The only thing you can do it work to make the future better, little pieces at a time.

I think you'll find that the more you take charge of yourself the better you will feel overall.