Simultaneously Depressed and Relieved about my Breakup

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I think I've finally come to grips with a breakup I went through about a year ago, but it still hurts and I'm a little depressed about it. However, I do feel a sense of relief towards it as well, as there are a lot of opportunities for self-growth and self-exploration that have opened up now. The downside is that I have this anxiety that if I don't pair up with someone else by the time I'm in my mid-thirties or so, it'll be too late to pair up at all, so I feel like I have a time limit. Does anybody else feel this way, or is it more dichotomous for you guys ("I feel great about it!" or "I wish I never met him/her!", but nothing in between)?

I felt very panicky for a while after breaking up with my ex. Even though I could still logically dictate all the reasons why we didn't work and why it was better this way, couldn't help but feel I'd made a mistake and had to quickly 'start over'. Dealing with the sudden change filled me with this awful, nervous energy. It did pass eventually, and I could safely surmise without any convoluted feelings that I could never provide him the emotional gratification he demanded. I feel relieved at this point too, no reason not to look forward to any future relationships, but try not to push yourself into something rushed.
I hope you feel in a better position regarding your breakup soon, but I'm beginning to believe time really is the only cure for getting over an individual, it took me over a year to feel benign about mine. Break-ups almost appear to follow the various stages of grief.

Yeah, see that's exactly what I did this summer - I dove headlong into online dating and met someone at a coffee shop when they got back to the city for the school semester, and the very next week they told me that they didn't ever want to talk or meet again. I didn't feel too badly about it, but it still wasn't very good, and I was pretty confused (I'm pretty sure it had a lot to do with me disclosing my dx to them). But you're absolutely right, it was rushed, it didn't feel as natural as the first relationship, and it was like I was trying to just feel a void. I guess as the great sage and eminent wordslinger sai King says, "There'll be water if God wills it." I just gotta let fate do it's business and not be so anxious about it. Thanks.

That seems to be the way the dating game goes. They say relationships take commitment but hell, so does staying motivated into finding one. I like the quote; I imagine there is at least some truth behind it.

I've been thinking about it more lately too, and I was probably going to break up with her eventually anyways because I was getting so stressed out of my mind with her - so it was inevitable either way. It just wasn't going to work out.

At least I've got these three things in my life to keep me sane right now: music, my passion; video games, my leisure activity; and masturbation, my stress reliever (sorry if that's tmi).

No worries; you sound like you're taking all the right steps. Good luck for the future.

Thanks, crystal.

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Last edited by B19 on 30 Dec 2016, 1:42 am, edited 1 time in total.: offensive and sexist content

I know this is the haven, but I don't think that makes it OK to talk about wanting to rape women to make yourself feel better.

That is one of the most messed up things I have ever read. You need help.