I'm never going to be good enough

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No matter what I do. Always someone better. Always someone disappointed by my effort. I feel myself being pulled apart as I try to help and please all around me and yet, none seem pleased, and my boss chastises my efforts when I'm working so very hard. And never am I good enough for a woman to say "I choose you," never am I good enough, that my sister can't even remember to give me a gift for my birthday.

I don't matter, and I never will, and who will ever want the work I've created, or care even that I tried?

If I weren't so afraid of death, I really think I'd like to off myself. I'm just sick of being a big fat disappointment to everyone around me.

This is going to sound trite, but f#($ them. When you strive to please others it becomes a lose/lose situation. Even with your boss (as backwards as it may seem), there shouldn't be an effort to jump high enough to please.


<again apologizing for delivery> but you are enough with who you are

I don't mean this to sound totally cold but here it is: Welcome to life. Where you're not going to get a ribbon for your effort ever.

Seriously, there will always be someone who is better than you, and nothing is more discouraging than self comparison. Just don't do it. Quit trying to please everyone. Do the best you can for your own self-gratification. Cos you sure as heck won't get it from anyone else.

Well that's where you're going wrong. You're trying to please everyone. Just please yourself like everyone else does.
It's fine to be a bit selfish now and then. Not completely but you should just do what you wanna do. If you're not happy at work then find some other job until you find one you're much happier in, you don't have to stay and work for a sh***y boss, there are better ones out there.

If you keep telling yourself you don't matter you'll believe that, but if you start telling yourself that you matter because you want to matter then you'll start believing that. Try to make an effort to be a bit more positive, I know it's hard but it does help when you try to consciously make an effort of being more positive.

As for your sister, well don't get her a gift. It works both ways or it doesn't work at all.

I agree with other commenters. Be careful what messages you give yourself, because you can either bring your mood and motivation way down, or you can uplift yourself. This is how depression takes over, you start believing your own negative thoughts which just causes more negative thoughts.

I can't stress enough how important it is to work at a job or for a boss that you don't hate. Think about some strategies for a transfer within your company, or a way to jump to another position in time.

It took me most of my life to recognize that my employer does not need to value me highly and treat me respectfully in order for me to remain employed. While there can be office politics that results in dismissal, in general if you just perform adequately you won't be fired. (But it also depends on the economy.)