Asperger's and Suicide

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I heard that people with Asperger's are 10 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than NTs. It is not surprising because many people with Asperger's feel isolated and suffer with depression and anxiety. I have suffered with depression and anxiety and have thought about suicide. I have never actually attempted it, but I have thought about it a lot. I was wondering if any of you think about suicide or have attempted it. Sometimes I just feel hopeless and I just don't want to continue on like this. I hate change and I dread the future. I have felt so isolated and awkward around other people. I don't know how to fit in or what normal is.

I feel you, I relate to pretty much everything you are saying. I think its maybe OCD or something but sometimes stuff just gets set on repeat in my head and usually it pretty innocuous or even something that actually interests me when it moves to the 'bad thoughts' it just won't leave you alone. I was really bad off in May, worst I ever felt, and there were times in my head where 'kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself' would just be on repeat in my head. Not a good place at all, I am better than that now at least.

At this point I am very able to remember those feelings, from around the 7th grade all the way to your age (and Jacoby's too) and beyond.

At this point, I am 40 years older than you. It's probably not going to help a lot when I tell you that it gets better. It did take a good long time to get better, by the way, but it did nevertheless.

I felt so incompetent in those days, except in what we all call our "special interest." That didn't do me any good. And my social problems were so bad, that I wasn't able to really do anything with that "special interest." Until I was about 25. I got a job then, that at least made it possible for me to live independently and support myself. Even so, I still had social problems and very, very low self confidence.

The job went OK, in fact over a period of time I worked at it for 24 yours, in two parts with a trip back to college to finish what I'd dropped out of once. I was a success at that too, but still what I would consider a social failure. The work place was a part of it, as it always is. I had quite a lot of trouble fitting in, even if the bosses liked me, because I produced and was competent, at my job at least.

I ultimately retired from that job, moved to a better place, and became self employed. In my new location, it was a lot easier for me to feel like I am a part of things. I'll never forget though, the way I felt so out of place, isolated, and rejected in that period of my life.

Like both of you I thought of suicide, many times. At this point, I am happy that I was unwilling to do it. I tried counseling, sometimes that helped. In reality, I just needed to find a place where I fit in.

That's hard, when we're clinically depressed. Nothing is easy then. Of course we know that the depression is caused by the social problems, but we don't know what to do about those. It takes outside help to deal with this. I hope you have somewhere you can turn for that. Somewhere that you can appreciate those parts of you that are worthy of praise. The praise you're not getting at the moment, from anywhere. All around you, there are people just like you. You might walk by me on the street, and never realize that I have the same dark past that you are living through now, and that I think of it once in awhile, and appreciate that I don't have to go back and do that again. I hope you can find someone to help you see the glass is at least a little bit full, and not nearly empty.

I had suicidal thoughts for a while (never attempted suicide, just thought a lot about it) and for me it was because I had started university and I didn't have any of my old friends with me - I can't make new friends there - all my old friends are making new friends for themselves and I'm not - everyone around me is having a great social life and I'm not - I don't have anyone to sit next to, or even speak to - I felt very lonely there, I thought that the other students must think I'm a loser because I sit by myself, don't talk to anyone, am awkward and can't make eye contact with people. Right now I'm on my break for Christmas and my old friends get their break in a week and they'll come back to my town so I can see them again

I don't look forward to going back to uni in January; I expect to be told I have failed the first module (I didn't put much effort into my work... and didn't go in at all for a couple of weeks...) I hope I don't get the same terrible feeling as before, it was the worst

I had major depression for over a decade, though during that stretch of time I had no idea about also having Asperger's. I do believe the illness carved at least part of my personality today, moving from teens to adulthood with a severe mental illness is bloody awful. It was an intensely painful time and I made many attempts on my life, though most went unreported. I was hospitalised twice for brief periods after making more dangerous attempts - the first at 13 and the next shortly before the end of term at my first uni. At that point I was so ill with other complications all branching out from the depression -low self-esteem, eating disorder, social anxiety- I had to drop out. It took years for me to safely return to higher education, and be in the right state of mind to have that kind of focus again.
It doesn't surprise me depression is so intrinsically linked to having Asperger's, really. If I had better skills at making and keeping friends alongside the confidence to approach others and ask for the help I needed, life would certainly have been less isolated.
Stay strong, and don't let any perceived failures get to you. They are temporary, I assure you.

Same here.