Feeling super depressed but am reluctant/ panicky about meds

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Hi. I have severe depression now and have in the past though I feel different each time thru this cycle. Like I am good, down, better, down, better?, down. I didn't get diagnosed high functioning autism by a specialist till this year. The doctors went thru many diagnoses before that proved wrong for ex.: schizophrenia, ADHD, phycosis. My phycologist and I went thru a lot of talks to find this out.She's the one who recommended the specialist. The thing is after having to take anti pychcotics as an older teen, and going thru anxiety meds plus later some anti depressants. I've become rather scared of meds. I was just given setraline low dose w cognitive therapy. They said a combo should work, but I am reluctant of the meds now. Plus a situation at home that never seems to change has me feeling this regardless. Any suggestions?

What happens if you go off the meds?

I start to feel guilty about things and isolate or run off from home for a few days. I feel guilty not taking meds too since I've had them since teens. My physiatrist let me not take them for a while and I was fine until one: 2 members my family said I was being paranoid) even though others said I was fine. Two: I figured out my church was being led by a real cultist (David Eells) and left without knowing where else to go or actually I probably didn't want to go anywhere else so soon after that . These combined made me mad and I isolated for a week.. One person at my house doesn't know how to be nice to me. If I do anything that annoys her she'll say anything mean like above. She's made fun of my autistic traits too, but I'll let that alone. So now my physiatrist said that with things so hard at home I may just need the medicine to give me some help until find a way to move out. Should I just take it? Even though I am scared too?

I support the pharmaceutical approach these days. I've accepted there are things about me that are sub-optimal and sometimes a little medication can assist in making me feel better. You have to be able to live with yourself. What kind of person do you want to be? Will medication help you do that?
If the stuff your psychiatrist has been giving you isn't working the way you need, look for alternatives. We know what medication does, specifically, to narrow elements that exist in the brain and the body. However, every person reacts to these changes differently. So what helps one person might make the situation worse for another. There are test that you can take that can help determine the best options, but often it is a guess and check situation. That being said, medication can be scary stuff and it's often difficult just to figure out what you need.
In any event, the decision to take medication should be goal focused and results driven. Weigh the pros and cons and make your best shot. Medication will have side effects, are those worth it? If you are getting nothing from the medication, then clearly no, but if your quality of life is improved, then it might be. It's important to focus on the end result, the clarity.
Good luck.