"Friendly" teasing of "You're mental, you're a lunatic"...?

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I don't know how I feel about something someone I know is doing to me lately.

This person is an acquaintance not even a friend. It's someone who walks their dog in the parklands I visit, and we don't even know much about each other. Just first names, general area we live in, nothing more. We stop to chat about local topics and animals.

He is a friendly guy and I honestly don't think he has a mean bone in his body. I already know he doesn't mean actual insult. I know that he seems to like me as a person and he would never do or say something hurtful.

So am I being too "politically correct" to feel offended that he has started teasing me lately during a chat, with things like "Yeah because you're mental, hahaha!" "Well that's because you're a nutter, hahaha!" "This bloke I know, he went off the rails and lost his mind cause he's not quite sane -- you know, like you, hahaha!"

He doesn't know anything about me, not about my ASD, not about the breakdown I had arising directly from my life falling apart a few years ago in a way that would devastate even someone without an ASD. He doesn't know that I DO actually have vulnerable mental health as I'm still trying to struggle with my depression, PTSD and anxiety.

All he knows of me is that I'm eccentric in my love of animals and that I've shown I hold strong opinions when something locally has caused devastation to wildlife (we've had some terrible events here this year).

I don't think I've shown any particular mental instability around him except to be upset about the wildlife tragedy we all had here which, it's important to note, he feels strongly about too.. He's a wildlife lover too so it's not like he doesn't "get" me in that aspect.

I want to also say that I do realize close friends "tease" each other all the time. Friends, family, loved ones, a partner -- I do know that when people like and love each other and feel very close with each other they say "insults" to each other as a form of fun.

I get that people who don't mean anything bad say stuff like this as a way to have fun with each other.

It's just that:

A) I've never liked that form of playful banter

B) This guy is not even a close enough friend to say stuff like this. It's REALLY "close friend" banter is it not?

He's now doing in EVERY chat. We only run into each other randomly but it's at least three times a week on average, and now, EVERY chat, however short, even if the conversation has nothing to do with mental health, this guy shoe-horns into the conversation "Yeah because you're a nut job."

It hits a nerve because, well YEAH I have been diagnosed with not just ASD but depression and anxiety disorder wtih panic attacks.

Also, when I was a child, family members would say these things to me and not in a joking way; it was seriously said when nobody knew what was wrong with me (I got diagnosed in my 50s). My own mother, at the height of anger and fury at me for melting down or having sensory issues, would threaten to have me "taken away to the mental hospital." She wasn't teasing. I'm talking about screaming and shouting and crying, both me and her. Family drama stuff, not jokey teasing.

So I really don't like this being used even in humor -- especially in humor actually. It's not f*****g funny to me.

I've battled mental health issues pretty much all my life largely concerning crippling depression, let alone my sensory issues and ASD related problems.

So I don't know if you guys can relate but it's not all that surprising that even a "friendly" tease of being insane or lunatic or "mental" or a nutter actually pushes a button with me, is a sore point, hits a nerve. It's not funny or amusing to me.

Am I being oversensitive? I don't feel like I am because this guy is practically a stranger. I don't feel like he's even earned the right to tease because it's something reserved for REAAALLLLLLLY CLOSE people in my book. And even then I never liked it from them either.

How do you feel if someone keeps ribbing you with this stuff? He introduces it randomly. It's not even in response to a joke I've told, like "Oh you're so insane, haha!"

It's just right in the middle of talking about completely random things. I'm getting pissed off with it.

I would agree that this is a "close-friend" sort of banter. It's rather presumptuous of him to do what he's doing. I would prefer it if we would talk about substantive things, rather than insult each other jokingly all the time.

I wonder how he'd feel if you started calling him a nut job LOL

Indeed, kraftie, and thank you for confirming my feeling that this is out of line for someone who isn't super-close. It does feel presumptuous, that's exactly my feeling.

I too prefer substantive talk; to me that's the very best kind. It's not that I don't enjoy humor, I do, but what I really like is to be able to talk with someone about things that feel like they matter. There has been a lot going on in our local area and it's not like myself and this guy don't have anything to discuss or share info on. We are both interested in at least a couple of local matters and I'd far rather explore that stuff than start being called names in silly banter, no matter how friendly his intention.

It sounds to me like this guy is dishing out verbal abuse,
while laughing and smiling about it to make it look innocent.
He's been testing your boundaries,
and from the sound of it,
he'll only get worse.

Your wisest course of action would be to avoid crossing paths with this idiot ...
he's not worth your time or energy,
and he doesn't sound friendly to me.

Now me being mischievous, I might be tempted to fight fire with fire,
give him a taste of his own medicine, and insult him right back ...
that would probably not be wise.
Especially nowadays.

You could try confronting him on his rude behavior,
but he would probably only deny it and claim that
you're allegedly "too sensitive" or "have no sense of humor."
Which means, you've just given him some fresh insults to hurl at you.

So yeah, better to just steer clear of trouble
and keep this guy out of your life.

P.S. Even with what I've posted above, I like what kraftiekortie ponders ...
What if you called this guy a "nut job" right back?

the_phoenix -- yeah you know I really feel like what you're saying has a lot of truth. It stood out to me when you said he's testing boundaries -- because now that you mention it, that's exactly what it really is, when I think about it. And I find the nature of that particular boundary rather a nasty thing to test.

I think I've felt unsure about all this because in all other ways he seems like a "nice person," but you're right, there isn't much that's actually nice about this aspect of him.

I will say he's a type that seems to think this manner of humor is okay -- he's an old fashioned "east ender" of London, and they have a sort of rough, "down to earth" and not very PC way of being. In his world he might not even think there's any harm in this stuff.

However, that can't be an excuse for it being rude anyway. I certainly don't like it.

I may still pause to chat, but I'm going to stop the talk dead the next time he says this stuff, just really kill the whole interaction. I won't even protest at what he said, I won't explain, I'll just end the conversation and go on my way.

He's a Cockney guy.....give him some Cockney to chew on LOL

Actually, this is the very best way to handle it.
Next time, I should be the one coming to you for advice.

I appreciated the whole rest of your post too,
but thought the part I quoted deserved extra highlighting.

So, this would seem like the perfect time to introduce your simulacrum "friend" to your real-life friend. Telling your friend that your "friend" was so shocked by her friends' joking about and with her that she ended up distrusting anyone in her life for months of isolated self-doubting. She trusted others too much, and got ridiculed for it all.

Now, your friend will apologize, and maybe even hint that he doubts the story (after all, it's just playful teasing), but its his doubts that might keep him in check around you. I won't want to risk harming you as your "friend's" friends did. Besides, he might just learn a little about teasing among adults.

And, no. Telling him a story about your "friend" isn't so much lying as it would be "telling parables" to prove truisms.

That parable technique can be a very good one, yes, AspieUtah. I might try that too.

I'm glad to find that I'm not completely alone in thinking this stuff is out of line, thanks to you all on here.

the_phoenix -- what that was is I sort of suddenly thought of a kind of Pavlov's Dogs conditioning -- although I wish I'd thought of it the very first occasion; it could have nipped it in the bud. Maybe it still can now.

The ironic thing is: I wouldn't be surprised if this guy liked you romantically.

There's a certain breed of man who expresses "liking" a person in this manner....so as not to show how much he likes you.

As I think about it, I really sense that this might be the case.

If he's an intelligent man, the parable idea will work; if he isn't, it won't work.

No, but it is the best "last chance" effort before the more direct approach is brought to bear.

I'm going "Oh god...." right now! I really hope that's not the case.

But on the other hand, what you say does remind me of how it's often observed that little kids with crushes punch their crush in the arm or pull a girl's hair.

Is this a grown up version of that?

If so that's kind of disturbing.

I was kind of thinking this is more what he probably does around his male friends. I know that certain workmates "josh" each other all the time and he probably doesn't know when to stop, and with whom.

Those sorts of guys sometimes really like girls/women who are "one of the boys." They trust these sorts of women more. They like these sorts of women more.

I find that he either consciously, or unconsciously, desires a connection with you

I wouldn't be scared of him, though.

He's seems like a relatively jocular man who wouldn't harm anybody.

He's not exactly the romantic type, though.

The word 'jocular' is very apt I think -- he's that type. No I wouldn't be afraid of him but I do really dislike the style of banter he seems to think is okay.

And as the_phoenix points out, there's a type of person who seems to engage this "hahaha" joking around method to disguise some rather abrupt pushing of boundaries, which I think also may be going on here.

I wouldn't rule out the connection thing too though -- certainly banter is often used by people to feel like they're getting closer to someone.

I don't like this banter though -- I like the sort that's more generalized and pointed away at a concept or a thing rather than a pointed arrow right at the other person.

He's also cracked "height" jokes and while I find those not really offensive because, lets face it, I'm short, it's still all a bit personal. For acquaintances!