Hi,
I haven't posted on here before but I dunno maybe someone on here can relate. I'm not diagnosed aspie but I'm waiting for a referral. I've just had 10 sessions with a psychotherapist but thats finished and although she has referred me for ongoing therapy the reality of waiting lists is that it could take a long time for either service to kick in. I feel like like I've dragged up a huge amount of trauma, and the therapist was visibly upset by the last session as 10 sssions barely scraped the surface.
It was nice having someone to talk to but now the reality is hitting that when I have difficult feelings and flashbacks from my PTSD I can't save them for my session. I'm on my own. I don't know what started me off this morning, I've been feeling edgy for days but can't identify the issue or the feeling. I wanted to go swimming after I dropped my kids off but I couldn't go this morning. Next thing I know a song from my childhood comes on the radio and I try to sing but my voice breaks and that's it I've been crying ever since. My emotions are completely disregulated and I Don't know what I'm feeling.
This has been a common theme since childhood and it's usually a sign my mental health is not great. I used to regularly run out of class in school crying uncontrollably for no reason. Since I discovered that every screening test I can find says I am autistic I'm wondering is this a meltdown? This is what's used to happen right before I would self harm or take drugs or OD. I'm a grownup with kids now but I'm holding a huge amount of trauma inside myself.
My GP is out of town until next week but I requested the duty doctor call me. I would feel weak asking for tranquillisers. I've bought a few sensory things and I'm using them.
Doe this sound familiar to anybody. It's not a flashback or a panic attack. I think the word is alexithymia? I could really do with talking to someone...
06 Jan 2017, 5:47 am
