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Shikashi
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 2 Dec 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 12
Location: Austria

28 Dec 2016, 3:51 pm

Hello...and, I don't know if this is intelligible, I cannot sort my thoughts right now.
I have a family that is full of themselves, think they are oh so caring and full of empathy.
Think they know how I feel and stuff...but NO.
WHENEVER I tell them I don't understand something, insults are to come. Whenever I tell them that I can't do anything right now(for example when I am emotionally unable to concentrate), insults are to come.
Whenever I try to explain my feelings, people insult me about how oh so sensitive I am.
I am at a point, where I no longer can express myself in my native language, so writing an email to my psychologist is also impossible. I am at a point where I just hope they all die soon. Some bad car accident, or maybe a new illness. Something...The only friends that are actually there for me, all stem from a mild personality disorder. All the physical friends that could understand me, are unavailable due to problems with their families. I am afraid of telling my english teacher(who is also a psychotherapist) about my problems...as I am afraid of her telling it to my family. I am afraid of even more problems. All the stress from my family is going with me into school, and there, cause my otherwise perfect grades to drop. The pressure and stress is rising, from both sides. It is causing problems with me again. I have strong problems with memories, goldfish memory. I sometimes forget what I said just a second ago. Don't think this is not something to cause problems. At this point, I do not even know myself who I am. I sure know my age, name, address, everything. But my true personality has probably vanished long ago. I am afraid of telling any doctor, as they would bring some sort of state department to my house. People disagree with me, that I have problems. And, I wonder, if you could tell me, explain me, what's inside the mind of people. I...I can barely write... All the talking inside my head, racing heart, exploding blood pressure. I can barely keep the collective that is me together. I..I'll just..try and search some friend of mine, or something. I don't know if I am able to write again today. I'm sorry.



DinoMongoosePenguin
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 21 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 176
Location: The NSA Knows

28 Dec 2016, 4:29 pm

Have you ever thought of lessening your time with your family? I know that when I feel like I'm being judged/insulted too much, I try and retreat from them for a while till things cool down.