I was lied to...by another Aspie

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For almost a year, I had been corresponding with a young woman who had AS. After a week of instant messaging, she and I became "boyfriend and girlfriend". She even promised to marry me after I finished college.

But two weeks later, she suddenly stopped being online and answering my IMs. I did nothing to provoke this. She just vanished from the online world. It would not be until Labor Day weekend that she was online again. (It was back in April 2006 when she and I were IMing each other regularly). I sent her a reassurance e-mail, but it went unanswered. She would not be online again until a few days ago, and I sent her an IM, but it went without a reply as well.

How could *anyone*, let alone another Aspie, lie to me like that about such issues. How could someone like that string me along, when she probably had something like that done to her in the past? I was thinking "this is Claudia all over again". Claudia was my first girlfriend, and was very emotionally abusive.

I did absolutely nothing to deserve this.

Tim

Not sure if lie is the correct word. maybe in her own mind she was 100% honest at the time and is now too scared to deal with the reality of the situation.

I'm sorry to hear about that, had you met the lady? Internet relationships can fall apart at the drop of a hat, especially when the two parties have never met.

Don't focus on the fact that it was someone with AS. The bottom line is that you were misled. If that happens, it doesn't matter what attributes the person has or doesn't have, they weren't honest.

It is unfortunate and unfair that it happened at all, but some people simply don't think about the repercussions of their actions in terms of others.

I am sorry that this happened to you.

Before making any major romantic commitments, regarding marriage, for example, I think it would be best to meet the online friend in real-life first, but there may be exceptions to that rule, and maybe yours was one of them.

Er, are you off your head? If you liked someone, you'd have to go and meet them and get to know them all over again. It's an imperative, really. Otherwise you're just conducting a fantasy Internet saddo relationship to keep yourself amused.

Tequila's really hot, in the sense that he makes a lot of sense.

Tequila, you're echoing me. It sounds Tim_Tex was talking about major decisions being made, for example, MARRIAGE, purely online. The girl said online she would marry him, without them ever having met in person. That is what I considered a not so good idea. And that's basically what you're saying, too, right? I did add, however, that is certain circumstances decision of this nature, purely online, would be okay. But in most cases, no, it would not. (Tim_Tex didn't mention the both of them meeting in person, which I assume would have been an important point in their relationship, so I assumed they haven't.)

So what exactly was the lie? The untruth?

She promised to marry you...then randomly disappeared. That's what happened, right? (More details could be helpful). You haven't heard a word from her yet?

It may not be a case of deception at all. Perhaps she's scared, perhaps she's havng troubles of her own...perhaps something major has happened in her life preventing her from getting back to you.

Oh trust me I know what it's like to be left in the lurch...no one likes it, it's a terrible feeling. But there's gotta be a rational explanation to it all...

It would be good if there were, but there's no guarantee of that. There's no guarantee of anything now, and that's the worst part. Knowing the worst is at times better than not knowing anything at all.

I go through that sort of torment at least once a week these days My certain someone special is a typical bloke in the sense that communication isn't a given. The number of times I've thought he was in MAJOR trouble (or worse) because he made himself scarce for a day or two! And it's only been days in my case...I can only imagine Tim's pain My last bf did that to me several times, 3 weeks at one stage. He's in the Navy so I honestly thought he was dead...

But there is always an explanation for everything, even if it's ludicrous. It is indeed better to actually KNOW so you can move forward or move on...

She was, in fact, offline for 3 months straight. The next time she was online, I sent her an e-mail, but it went unanswered. And just a few days ago, I noticed she was online on IM, and I sent her an IM, but she ignored it. She did not even bother to give an explanation. So she has left me hanging for nearly a year.

Tim

I think they'd have to meet fairly early on in the relationship. I meant that the solely online stuff couldn't go on for months and months because when they do meet up I suspect that it would be fairly awkward. Use the Internet for finding people, sure, but you have to go and talk to people in the flesh sooner or later.

Well so far there's no lie...just some SERIOUS avoidance going on here Man...wish I could go over there and smack some sense into here...she should at LEAST give you a reason to work with!

That's the way the internet works. It's not nice, and it's not fair.

I've had this done to me since I was 14, and still do. People don't give reasons because they don't have a back bone. Try and find someone else, if possible, not on the internet.

You'd be better to know them offline too, rather than solely online.

I've cut people off before, but i'm more than happy to provide a reason if they seek one from me.

hmm.

wow.

Okay.

interesting.

anymore one liners and I could be doing a joke show here soon.

AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP TIM?

AN ONLINE RELATIONSHIP????

There are so many lectures I could be giving to you right now, but I shalnt. mainly because I think you realized your mistake on your own. But still.