Angry excerpt

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I've never posted on a forum and still don't want to but I'm angry enough that I don't care.

I need to write this emotion before I can let it go for the evening. I don't know if this is the place for it, and I don't mind if it gets ignored or buried. I'd probably prefer that.

34 years old, trying to become independent. New city, new career, no friends, challenge accepted.

Today I'm furious. Or hateful, or hard, wary, I don't know. People are liars. By default, don't rely on people. Don't trust their verbal language, and even be suspicious of the nonverbal. Someone warm/friendly/kind can become hard/uncaring overnight. Scammers are convincingly kind. Former friends and family can shut you out with a reassuring smile. And you aren't fooling anyone when you act how you want to be seen; they can see through you. I keep learning this lesson over and over, on paper and in practice, but I'm slow to remember it in real-time and the errors are costly. I'm writing this publicly to cement it in my memory, and maybe see if I'm not the only one.

I don't want to be hateful and I dislike generalising people. But maybe it's important and useful to become suspicious and hardened in life?



Also: are we allowed to swear in this subforum? Because it would really have helped emote this post properly.

I swear on here all the f*****g time. It's technically against the rules, but I've never been given any grief about it. I think so long as you're not attacking other members, you should be good.

a well placed sense of suspicion and distrust can be very useful/protective and it would be unusual if one DIDN'T form one of those after having been mistreated and misled by others their whole life. it helps spares one from further pain, as youthful naivete can cause.

i would just ask that you do not miss out on life's occasional joys because of it.

nobody has ever been able to agree on the exact details of the swearing rule, but i'd assume an age restricted forum has more leeway than an all ages one. i think you should be fine as long as you aren't attacking someone, like bigmouth said.

the real issue comes with discriminatory slurs, but besides that i don't recall ever seeing someone be reprimanded for swearing. if that's all you post, though, i might wonder if you're a troll.

(but you don't seem like one )

Moderator Note:

There is a thread near the top of the Haven sub-forum where members can post rants!

While there is no rule against swearing per se, there are rules about causing offence to other members, so caution is necessary. In a thread like the Rants thread, swearing may be more acceptable, though some swear words are unacceptable as they are sexist and sexism is not permissible on any part of WP forums as it is always offensive to members.

We on the spectrum can be way too trusting, and so are easily taken advantage of by NT's with sharp eyes for what they perceive as weakness. Becoming suspicious of the motives of others is something we all can and should learn.

thanks for the clarification.

Believe me, I understand EXACTLY what you mean.

I've been at my job for over 10 years and have outlasted all but one staffer. We've had a lot of turnover, seen a lot of changes. The new people have only been around anywhere from 3 weeks to 2-3 years, and I've survived false accusations, bullying, layoffs/RIF/"early retirement"/etc. So my boss makes this big speech in front of EVERYONE and mentions ALL current staff by name....except me. My name was curiously dropped from correspondence over the holidays, so it's not the first time. Before that I was passed over for needed equipment after a massive overhaul because I'd only use it intermittently (yeah, EVERY SINGLE DAY is "intermittent"). But the big public announcement made people pay attention, so some words were said and some whispering happened...but nothing of real substance. Some people have people on their side whose words actually count for something. I'm not one of those people!

The thing is, I don't make a big show of this anywhere else but right here, but I have a negative view of human nature. Human beings are selfish and corrupt. Understanding this and accepting this has been key to making peace with people I've struggled all these years. OTHER people get their fulfilment from recognition. I don't need it that bad. OTHER people get off on throwing their weight and pushing people around. I'm not so insecure that I have to have acknowledgment.

The best anyone can do is understand and accept the selfishness of others. Once you do that, you start to see others as mere tools or slaves to their nature. Tools and slaves are meant to be used or manipulated for some purpose. I'm on TV every week. I've even been on a couple episodes of a reality show on TruTV. I play with a "party band" I've wanted to play since, like, 2 decades ago. I'm realizing a lot of dreams, making new friends, seeing doors open, and it's all because people want what they want and aren't really interested in my needs. The trick is that over time, playing into the needs of others causes dependence. I might as well be invisible when I show up for work. But if I don't show up, EVERYONE notices. The more people need you, the more they'll do for you to keep you around. That is the ONLY way I've managed to survive all these years.

Don't worry about keeping up the act and people seeing through the act. People only see what they want to see. If you keep up the act long enough, people will assume it's the real deal. Let the haters hate. Don't complain or gossip at work. Be open and friendly even when others aren't. Do favors every chance you get. Believe me, the good you do WILL eventually catch up with you, and awesomeness will ensue.

I know it's tough. Keep hanging in there!

Good rule for anyone - trust in god but lock your car.

(I don't believe in god, btw - it's just an expression)

Meaning that most people USUALLY mean well, but always keep your eyes open and be aware of things around you and understand that they're usually also out for themselves.

It doesn't mean you have to be a coldhearted jerk. Just be aware.