I need to create distance between myself and my past.

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The problem with that is that I am clueless about how to go about it.

When I remember what I survived, it feels like more than a memory. It feels like everything just happened a few seconds ago.

And this keeps repeating.

Over and over.

Every single day.

I can hide it well in my real world situation around acquaintances.

But it is painfully obvious to anybody who knows me well.

What to do, what to do?

I truly want to get the f**k off this hamster wheel. I feel myself caged into it. Only I hold the keys to get me out. I do not even know what those keys look like at this point.

Yeah. Any ideas?

Stop thinking about it.

therapy?

if there are physical objects around you that remind you of that past...it may serve you well to get rid of them, or replace them.

maybe destroy them, if that is how you healthily release emotions.

Actually, therapy probably would not be a bad idea to deal with this.

Not very many physical objects around me that serve as triggers. I think my biggest triggers are the people in my blood family, who happen to call me every day on my cell phone. Severing all ties would be extremely impractical at this point in my life. So I need to figure out another solution.

Do you need to talk on the cell phone with each one of these family members every single day?
Maybe you can set some boundaries,
and not just answer the phone immediately every time someone calls,
unless you really want to?

I have an answering machine, comes in really handy.

Another thing I might do is seek out a spiritual advisor,
one you can trust ...
and I know these days, that might be a challenge.

diversion
meditation

put more emphasis on the present. take up a hobby. something you are good at doing or like to do.

try new things. learn something new. find something you are passionate about. or just find something you want to do.

skills, like drawing, learn a new language
sports
take theater lessons

join Search and Rescue volunteers

get a job

firefighting

do puzzles

do something to make your brain and body more healthy

eat better

practice cooking

psychiatrist

get medication

get diagnosis for PTSD and OCD

get a support group

move somewhere new

this could be a bad idea, but boyfriend/girlfriend. meet new friends.

get psychotherapy

___________________________________________________________________

yes, i am obsessed with my past too.

Accept the things you can change,accept the things you can't change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Everything in life,experiences,good or bad,happen for a reason.

The only way to get off that hamster wheel,is accept your past,no regrets and move on.

The past,is the past,notch it up,as just another learning experience,that's life.

Live in the present,not the past nor the future.

You have the key=Acceptance,change in perception and positive thinking.
Life is all about experiences,good or bad and the wisdom to know the difference.

Good luck.: )