This is the only place I don't feel stupid

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I'm a bit intoxicated right now, so sorry if this doesn't make sense. This is the only place where I feel I fit in. I hate real life, I wish I could escape it. My best friends want nothing to do with me, and I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have day dreams where the mother ship shows up and I realize that I'm not weird because I'm an alien. Does anyone else do this?

I hate being me. I over-analyze every word that comes out of my mouth and I hate it when I feel like I've come across as a social ret*d. The guy that I just dated thinks I'm weird and wants nothing to do with me.

I hate being me. I hate having this. I'm not diagnosed but I know I'm AS as much as I know I have 5 fingers.I want to be normal and not feel like this any more.

I don't want to turn into an alcoholic but I've can't stop drinking lately. I can't deal with reality and I want to sleep all the time.

You have four fingers and a thumb actually. Per hand.
I feel the same way though. I probably look just as stupid on here as I do IRL, but I don't worry about it on here. I feel safer on here than talking to people in person. I over-analyse things as well.
I'm sure you won't be alone for the rest of your life though, people with AS can have decent relationships and friendships and be happy, it's probably just harder than for most people.
I understand the wanting to sleep thing as well, I feel like sleeping all the time when I get depressed. I hope you feel better soon though.

Sounds to me like your suffering from
classic depression though. You should
(and gods I know how hard it is) try and
do things that make you happier. It all
can snowball, and make you genuinely
so.

man, i discovered WP few days ago, but i am still amazed how many of the stories here match my life. that's exactly me! with a little difference. i love my life the way it is. i am completely happy about myself and consider life to be beautiful. i am lonely and i am ok with that. i don't wish to stay lonely for the rest of my life, but i know i won't be. loneliness may lead to low self-esteem which can evoke depressions, but if this is true, you just don't allow the loneliness to turn into low self-esteem. actually, it's your decision, you can change your life if you really wish. the biggest question to answer is 'what you really want?'. and most of all, does it really matter to you, what other people think about you? you need them not to think that you are weird? that's clear sign of low self-esteem.

It does sound like you're depressed - perhaps it is worth visiting your doctor? I know they'll probably just write a prescription and I know that's not ideal but taking anti-depressants is better than self-medicating with alcohol, which I what I think you might be doing.

As for feeling isolated and like you don't belong - I felt like that for so many years - in fact, most of my life. And yes, I ended up on the anti-depressants too!

What helped me was websites like this and also regularly attending a local support group for adults with AS. I also attend a depression support group.

These things have been really helpful to me because I have met other people who are of the same 'species' as me - for the first time in my life! And I have also got involved in disability equality work because, after years of hating what I was and wanting to be normal, I one day realised that I have a right to be me and I have just as much right to be on thos planet and to be accepted as anyone else does.

This almost 'defiant' attitude has really helped my confidence. I am very open with people about my AS because, frankly, I'd rather know from the very beginning if they can deal with it or not - if they can't that is THEIR problem not mine.

For the first time ever, I know have genuine friends - admittedly only a few - but they are REAL friends which is what's important. Also, for the first time ever, I have a great boyfriend who treats me well (all the others took advantage of my 'social naiveity' and lack of self esteem to be abusive and to cheat).

So, believe me, it is a lot of work and time, but it CAN get better. Don't give up.

I agree with this.
And if they don't work or you're not happy with them, then you can stop taking them. I think it's a better option than the situation you're in now though. Good luck with that if you decide to go to the doctors.

I strongly disagree. I've seen too many people ruined by
these drugs.

I was on Anti-Depressants for two years, it was actually getting diagnosed with AS that led to me not feeling quite so depressed as I had (to use one of those hideously cheesy film cliches) 'found myself'. Once I knew what was 'different' about me, I stopped feeling so bad about my personality. Perhaps you could investigate the possibility of getting diagnosed?

That's just me though, everybody takes these things differently. But alchohol doesn't solve very much, especially not in the long run. As has been said above, your Doctor is going to be a useful person to speak to. He/she will at least help you see things a lot more clearly than a few bottles will.

We can all relate to how you feel i'm sure, I know I can. This world is a bizarre and alien place, and half it's population don;t exactly help. We just have to carve our own little niches into it as best we can.

Thanks everyone, pity party's over. I'm pouring what's left of the bottle of rum down the drain. I'm actually already on Zoloft. It's helped but sometimes I just really have bad days. I've had a lot of crap happen to me this year, but I know I need to pull myself together.

That's alcohol abuse.

Aren't there wino's around you?