It feels hopeless

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It seems like the most important thing for getting into a relationship is to have good social skills and be extroverted and I'm neither. I'm 26 and I've never even cuddled or kissed anyone. I have so much trouble connecting with people and I feel misinterpreted by others a lot. I feel like other autistics I know learned how to connect enough to at least to form a relationship and I can't seem to get there. Guys don't seem to like me unless it's online and a lot of them just seem lonely and don't really like me. Then when I meet guys online it feels fake and unnatural and I almost never feel attracted to them. Guys anywhere irl rarely show interest. The few guys that seem to always like someone else more so finding love feels impossible. I don't think I come off as desperate or anything like that. I don't know what to do about it.

Last edited by slw1990 on 13 Dec 2016, 3:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

forgive me for some dumb questions, but have taken the usual tack of doing things you like to do, in the presence of others? have you tried volunteering? the only place where I have managed to find people on my wavelength or vibrational level, is in my aspie meetup group [now disbanded]. have you found an aspie meetup group?

They're not dumb, but yes I volunteer and also go to an autism group once a month.

good can you tell me what you experience when you attend your autism group and when you volunteer?

Not so. There are plenty of autistics who have never been able to connect enough to form a relationship.

Hello Slw1990 sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I know an autistic girl at my school. She has a boyfriend and many friends now and honestly has it pretty good despite her misinterpreting social cues. If she is able to get that why can't you. I just think their are some levels in which we have to climb and become more comfortable around others I know that from personal experience.

Do you have any special interests?

I feel like I can connect with the people in my autism group better. It mostly has women though and the men in the group aren't single. When I volunteer I mostly work with other women and a lot of the people there are much older than me. I'm not very close to anyone at my volunteer job, but most of the people there are pretty nice. It seems like when I volunteer with people who are closer to my age though there seems to be a pattern of them treating me differently than others.



Yes, I've also known other autistic girls who were like that. It seemed like they knew how to respond to things more naturally and had better intuition. I don't always know how to respond to other people though.

I know I can open up more in some situations, but sometimes when I do that other people would use that against me later on and it's happened to me several times so I don't really feel like it's worth the energy unless I feel like I can trust them.

I'm interested in health/medical things, some psychological things, and animals.

SLW, what do you think of working at a crisis center [counseling people in trouble or suicidal]?

I wouldn't say she has great social skills. When I mostly see her, she talks about herself more often than not. But I would say she has basic communication skills which honestly aren't too hard to get. Take me for instance, at the start of the year I knew very little on conversation, found it hard to talk to others but that changed throughout the year as I became used to it. Sometimes we just need to be around others a little more, I wouldn't personally say that intuition is everything sometimes when we get used to interaction we can pick up on what others say with a level of ease. I guess you should give trust when you feel like it.

Have you thought about joining groups or participating in things related to your interests?

I don't know. I feel like when people talk about their problems it's a good way for me to connect. I also like helping people. I know it's weird, but sometimes when I hear about someone's problems it can even cause me to become attracted to them. I just don't know if I would be good at it because I'm not always good at showing empathy and it might become overwhelming.


Yes, I volunteer at an animal shelter and I'm also in a choir, but most of the people are much older and are mostly women.

the gist of what I see so far, is that your primary first big want from life seems to be a proper mate. if you want to meet a mate-material type of person, a first goal would be to first ID just where there are likely to be a good number of male (or female, I don't know your sexuality, sorry) volunteers, then go volunteer at just that place and make that your main concentration until you meet your main goal. the more male volunteers there are at, then the better your chances of having at least one of them properly return your attentions.

Maybe it might be a good idea to open up to those people at your choir, animal shelter etc. You have a common interest with them so it likely won't be too hard to find something to talk about. I find that the first step to getting a date is getting used to being around people in general. And it may be good for you as you describe yourself as having less intuition so I guess being around people might be a good way to get used to interaction. Who knows maybe these people will become your friends.

it could also be, although she has not said this, that the other volunteers for whatever reason are not reaching out to her.

Could well be. In school nobody ever reached out to me for the first months. I was quiet, odd and they were unsure of me. Its just that when you go up and talk to them its a different story. It is a chance to open up to others and show that you are not so different after all.

for me, it proved to them indeed, just how different I was. it could be the same with the OP, it is a matter of her finding people more like herself/more compatible with herself, on the same vibrational level.

Sometimes it does show how different you are. But in many other cases it can do the opposite I have had experiences of both. But you know behind every timid person I think their is a real fascinating personality just waiting to come out. By opening yourself up to people it enables them to see more of your personality rather than your other side.