Sick of being a total dumbass
I can't accept the fact that I have such a severe form of autism. No one likes me or wants to do anything with me. My life is f*****g pointless. I used to think that I will become rich and forget about social life but I see that it's not possible either. Wealth and society are connected and it's impossible to be rich without having good connections with people.
I just don't understand why am I so f*****g different from others. When I ask for advice people tell me just go talk to them. But they don't understand how nothing works in my head and I can't figure out how to create bonds with people so I can use them.
I literally want someone to cut my head open and find out what the f*****g hell is wrong with my brain. I am sick and tired of living like I was hitler in my past life and now I am being punished for it.
I feel bad when I see posts that don't get any replies. I want to say something, but I'm not good at knowing what to say, so I just hope someone else with better people skills will step in. (I suspect that's fairly common around here!)
For what it's worth, I'm sick of being a total dumbass too. It really does wear a person down, to go through a lifetime of painfully awkward, failed interactions. I'd like to know exactly what's wrong with my brain too.
Anyway, I am sorry to hear you're struggling with that, and I don't hate you, or want you to die. It feels like I'm spouting empty platitudes to say that - but you're right, I suppose it's better than saying nothing at all.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.
I don't want to be critical if you're in difficulty, but viewing the purpose of creating bonds with others as a means to use them may be part of the problem you're having with them. People don't usually like being used.
I'm not dissing on you - people have had to explain this to me too in a sense, because I see everything as an exchange of mutual utility. Maybe you could try connecting with people in a different way?
I had a similar realization with work - I thought I would get so good at my career that my deficits in social interaction wouldn't matter, but as you've discovered, it's all interconnected. You can't be amazing at your job without having skills with people.
That's hard for autistics. But I don't think it's impossible for us to find different ways of coping that can be successful. You just have to find a situation that is right for you, instead of hating yourself for not fitting into a situation that isn't right for you, in my opinion.
Also I wouldn't take lack of replies as any kind of attitude - most of the time people don't reply if they can't contribute anything useful, or know what to write.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
You need to ask yourself, what do you really want from society? Because if it's wealth and using people, that's probably a big part of your problem. I mean no disrespect, but you should focus more on having positive interactions and finding friends who share common interests, rather than trying to get ahead in life. You don't have to be successful financially and be ahead in life to have friends, honestly, no one really cares in the long run, as long as you're a decent person and pleasent to be around.
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If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.
I can't accept the fact that I have such a severe form of autism. No one likes me or wants to do anything with me. My life is f*****g pointless. I used to think that I will become rich and forget about social life but I see that it's not possible either. Wealth and society are connected and it's impossible to be rich without having good connections with people.
I just don't understand why am I so f*****g different from others. When I ask for advice people tell me just go talk to them. But they don't understand how nothing works in my head and I can't figure out how to create bonds with people so I can use them.
I literally want someone to cut my head open and find out what the f*****g hell is wrong with my brain. I am sick and tired of living like I was hitler in my past life and now I am being punished for it.
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"I can't accept the fact that I have such a severe form of autism." with time, it gets easier to cope with.
"No one likes me or wants to do anything with me." nobody? not one? do not exaggerate.
however, if there really is "no one", then you can still become more satisfied in your own company. quite frankly, i get the impression that is just easier with age. between 18-24 (undergrad) i felt pressure to socialize more than i wanted to. but after undergrad, being alone got easier. part of it is that i have less energy now. and it takes energy to interact with someone. extroverts act like they have to always be flapping their traps.
"My life is f*****g pointless." and everyone else's life has a point, just b/c someone else likes them? sometimes it appears that precious little "people" (cisgender and neurotypical) just have a lot of precious little "people" just like them. so they fit in just fine. whereever they go. big deal. just b/c they are normal. just b/c they are standard and boring. so what? that does not mean their lives are not "pointless". and what is the point of their lives, anyways?
"I used to think that I will become rich and forget about social life but I see that it's not possible either." same, except i never thought i would get rich. but i did wrongfully assume that i would work at a job where i earned enough for both room and board. stupid me. but whatever. that was before the recession. and before college graduation. and before starting college. society puts out the message that if you go to college, you will be successful. and if you do not go to college, you will work "at the grocery store." not necessarily. and while i did not completely believe it, i did not question it enough. or investigate it sufficiently. but whatever. it does not matter.
"Wealth and society are connected and it's impossible to be rich without having good connections with people."
stockmarket, inheritance, lottery, hidden treasure.
but, yes, i get what you are trying to say.
get a psychologist, psychiatrist, medication, support group
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