this love yourself so others can love you thing is so unfair

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I really hate how people puts high self-esteem as an answer for a better human relations, it's so easy to believe in this when you are someone naturally lovable and valuable. When you are ugly and weird and have a high self-esteem people just hate you more and try to crash your self-esteem. And then this people just come saying "you should just love yourself"... like it was my fault and it was so easy to fix things.

I think it helps to at least come to accept yourself to a degree. I mean if you totally hate yourself and constantly but yourself down thus making yourself moody and unpleasant to be around...it can be hard to form positive relationships. Or you might try and get into a relationship to feel better or distract yourself and just end up getting used or being discarded once you sort of show your true self...because you weren't really considering what you wanted and might just kinda go along with it only to realize you jumped in way to soon. At least that was kind of my experience...

I don't think you have to totally love everything about yourself and have great self esteem, but it doesn't hurt to try and get in a better place mentally before trying to find relationships if you're really in the depths of feeling like crap.

I used to have a high self-esteem some years ago but people where really mean to me then, so I decided just shrink myself and although nobody loves me most of people just not notice me so I feel more safe at least.

I understand how someone who hates themself can be unpleasant, but I think it's very unfair to pretend that if you just improve your self-esteem it will fix things.

:/

Oh it doesn't magically fix things, and you can't just up and get better self esteem....its a process. I mean I didn't move past it all before finding a relationship...I am still working towards self esteem and such. But I had to at least get to a place where I had enough to be more direct about what I wanted in a relationship and such rather than just going along with early intimacy hoping they'd get attached enough to form something long term.

But yeah I still constantly battle with low self esteem, I haven't been able to just get over it but have been making efforts to minimize its control over me. Like I try to accept compliments, when my default reaction is 'oh no, I don't think that's something I live up to/they're just saying that.'

ltcvnzl,

Sounds like people might have been jealous of you when you showed high self-esteem,
and they backed off from you when you backed down ... because then they could be comfortable in their own mediocrity.

And will they now be your friends?
If not ...

... I would say, be your best self,
and do it for you.