Can't get a straight answer
As an NT, I tend to give a lot of leeway to someone with AS. However, I feel like I'm not getting the truth from a friend, whether it's due to embarrassment or not wanting to hurt my feelings. What's the best way to get the truth without being too pushy or annoying? Thanks for any input.
I would suggest being very direct. I have found neurotypical conversation can be too round-about for me as an autistic - someone is trying to ascertain something, and may think they are being clear, but to me they are not. As a result it can seem like I'm refusing to answer, when I actually don't follow what they're trying to get at.
Example - Someone saying to me "it's getting cold. Are you cold?"
Me - "no."
Them - "But it could get cold later."
Me - "It could."
Them - "well just let me know if you get cold, I can put the heater on."
Me - "okay."
Them - "would you be too hot if I put the heater on?"
Me - "No."
This is someone trying to tell me they're cold and ask if I would mind if they put the heat on. They think they're being clear by hinting, but I don't understand hints.
Depending on your situation, this may be similar for your friend. They may not be giving you a straight answer because they don't understand what information you actually want. Have you tried very directly asking your question, without any added social lubrication, explaining very clearly why you want the information and what you intend to do with it?
Also stating that you honestly don't want to be pushy or annoying about it but you need the answer for whatever reason could help clarify.
PS : If they actually are avoiding answering, addressing this directly may be helpful to you both - call them out on it and state that they seem to be avoiding answering your question, and ask if there is a reason for this avoidance.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
Don't assume the AS person even knows the answer. E.g.: "How do you feel about Brexit?" "How do you feel about going to a party?" You may get answers that have nothing to do with feelings. Or the person may not answer at all! This doesn't necessarily mean they are hiding something. Sometimes, they simply CAN'T give the sort of answer you are expecting.
C2V's suggestions are useful, too.
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A finger in every pie.
Yes, sometimes it is just like trying to get a blind person to tell you what he sees!
There is also reality that NTs may not believe the truth. It is quite possible for an Aspie to pull all the dandelions in a 1/4 acre yard in one season of gardening. Or to get rid of a major crabgrass infestation without chemicals.
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