the hellfire will cleanse my soul

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the sun wil rise to burn away my earthly being

tomorrow has to be the day has to be no other way no time can't keep putting it off no false hope don't continue the cycle of rot

the drinking I thought helped never helped just delayed the inevitable just made things cloudy now I see clearly had to get surgery tons of pain meds no drinking so I started cutting again after many years

the blood river of blood won't stop won't end but still can't help it's too much so many new scars on old ones that would never heal can never heal

keep hurting people I love I am desperate so desperate for attention I crave what I can't get its never enough please god why can I never be good enough for anyone I just want what comes so easy for others what's so wrong with me

get so attached and so jealous I overeact lash out I hate myself so much I always cross the line of no return no wonder people realize I'm a poison to be cut out of their lives

everyone will be so happy when I go maybe some won't realize it at first but I will be less medical bills less food less of a burden no more having to tolerate me when I'm down which is all the time anymore

won't have to sit in my room looking out my window for hours imagining what it would be like to be someone anyone else everyone better than me at living

been an atheist for a long time but unsaid prayers were answered when I got a call to work tomorrow instead of today not many people on weekends no one to stop me all I need is the ladder and the cable and 6 or so feet hoping it will hold hoping it will snap my spine hoping hoping but I can choke I'll be fine just take me away

God he may be real maybe could be possibly might be generous and loving after all at least merciful to those in need but hoping when I go it will just be the abyss just nothingness nothing at all it will be the most amazing thing I have ever experienced

let tomorrow be my last

You are in my prayers, Boxman108.
I wish you peace and long life.